1. Personal Statement Goodness Feraco Search for Human Potential 10 September 2013

2. According to UCLA, the personal statement: According to UCLA, the personal statement: Offers admissions officers an understanding of you as a unique individual within the context of your family, school, community, and the worldOffers admissions officers an understanding of you as a unique individual within the context of your family, school, community, and the world Adds clarity, richness, and meaning to the information presented in other parts of your applicationAdds clarity, richness, and meaning to the information presented in other parts of your application Allows you to make the best case for why you should be admitted to the collegeAllows you to make the best case for why you should be admitted to the college Clarifies the distinctions between applicants whose academic records appear to be quite similarClarifies the distinctions between applicants whose academic records appear to be quite similar Provides admissions officers with information that may not be evident in other parts of your applicationProvides admissions officers with information that may not be evident in other parts of your application Is a forum for you to explain how factors outside of your school environment have enhanced or impeded your ability to maximize available academic and intellectual opportunitiesIs a forum for you to explain how factors outside of your school environment have enhanced or impeded your ability to maximize available academic and intellectual opportunities

3. The most compelling personal statements often include discussion of… The most compelling personal statements often include discussion of… Your academic record, accomplishments, and activitiesYour academic record, accomplishments, and activities Any unusual circumstances, challenges, or hardships you have faced and the ways in which you have overcome or responded to themAny unusual circumstances, challenges, or hardships you have faced and the ways in which you have overcome or responded to them Your initiative, motivation, leadership, persistence, service to others, special potential, and/or substantial experience with other culturesYour initiative, motivation, leadership, persistence, service to others, special potential, and/or substantial experience with other cultures Your achievements in light of the opportunities available to youYour achievements in light of the opportunities available to you

4. Freshman Prompt #1 Describe the world you come from – for example, your family, community or school – and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations. Describe the world you come from – for example, your family, community or school – and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations. Transfer Prompt #1 What is your intended major? Discuss how your interest in the subject developed and describe any experience you have had in the field – such as volunteer work, internships and employment, participation in student organizations and activities – and what you have gained from your involvement. What is your intended major? Discuss how your interest in the subject developed and describe any experience you have had in the field – such as volunteer work, internships and employment, participation in student organizations and activities – and what you have gained from your involvement. All Applicants’ Prompt #2 Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud and how does it relate to the person you are? Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud and how does it relate to the person you are?

5. Five Important Questions Who is this person?Who is this person? What does he/she intend to do that is special?What does he/she intend to do that is special? How does he/she intend to do it?How does he/she intend to do it? Which experiences/factors shaped his/her intentions?Which experiences/factors shaped his/her intentions? If he/she is accepted, what will he/she contribute to our institution, and how will we (the institution) benefit?If he/she is accepted, what will he/she contribute to our institution, and how will we (the institution) benefit?

6. UCLA’s Tips for Success Start On Your Personal Statement Early: Give yourself time to think about your topics, and carefully consider the rationale behind each question.Start On Your Personal Statement Early: Give yourself time to think about your topics, and carefully consider the rationale behind each question. Be Clear. Be Focused. Be Organized: Make sure your personal statement follows a logical structure. Try to think about how it may seem to an audience who does not know you. Input from people you trust – teachers, friends, relatives – can help you get different perspectives on how your personal statement affects those who are reading it.Be Clear. Be Focused. Be Organized: Make sure your personal statement follows a logical structure. Try to think about how it may seem to an audience who does not know you. Input from people you trust – teachers, friends, relatives – can help you get different perspectives on how your personal statement affects those who are reading it.

7. Be Careful With Humor and Clichés: What might seem funny or bitingly ironic to you might not seem that way to someone who does not know you. Remember that the personal statement is an opportunity for you to give us a complete picture of yourself. Do not allow clichés to speak for you.Be Careful With Humor and Clichés: What might seem funny or bitingly ironic to you might not seem that way to someone who does not know you. Remember that the personal statement is an opportunity for you to give us a complete picture of yourself. Do not allow clichés to speak for you. Do Not Manufacture Hardship: A personal statement is not effective simply because it chronicles difficult circumstances. Rather, an effective personal statement gives us a clear sense of your personal qualities and how you have used and developed them in response to your opportunities and challenges.Do Not Manufacture Hardship: A personal statement is not effective simply because it chronicles difficult circumstances. Rather, an effective personal statement gives us a clear sense of your personal qualities and how you have used and developed them in response to your opportunities and challenges.

8. Use Specific Examples to Illustrate Your Ideas: Thousands upon thousands of personal statements discuss initiative. Only hundreds show us initiative with concrete examples of demonstrated motivation and leadership. But examples are only one part of the equation: we also need to see how you have assigned meaning to your experiences and how you have grown from them. We want you to prove to us with written examples that you have a sense of who you are, where you are going, and how you are going to use your education and your experiences to accomplish your goals. Although some events have long-term or even lifetime ramifications, it is usually better to focus on recent events because they shed more light on who you are right now.Use Specific Examples to Illustrate Your Ideas: Thousands upon thousands of personal statements discuss initiative. Only hundreds show us initiative with concrete examples of demonstrated motivation and leadership. But examples are only one part of the equation: we also need to see how you have assigned meaning to your experiences and how you have grown from them. We want you to prove to us with written examples that you have a sense of who you are, where you are going, and how you are going to use your education and your experiences to accomplish your goals. Although some events have long-term or even lifetime ramifications, it is usually better to focus on recent events because they shed more light on who you are right now.

9. Give Yourself Plenty of Time for Revisions: Read your writing to others, and revise for clarity of content and style. Pay attention to the rules of correct grammar and punctuation, and do not forget to check your spelling. Remember that it is very important that what you submit is your work and your words.Give Yourself Plenty of Time for Revisions: Read your writing to others, and revise for clarity of content and style. Pay attention to the rules of correct grammar and punctuation, and do not forget to check your spelling. Remember that it is very important that what you submit is your work and your words. “ We hope these tips will help you get organized and inspire you. Your accomplishments, your opinions…you are important. Your personal statement is the best tool you have to show us the individual gifts you have to offer the UCLA community.”“ We hope these tips will help you get organized and inspire you. Your accomplishments, your opinions…you are important. Your personal statement is the best tool you have to show us the individual gifts you have to offer the UCLA community.”

10. Here is a list of the criteria the UC system weighs while considering you for admission: Here is a list of the criteria the UC system weighs while considering you for admission: 1) GPA: 10th- and 11th-grade marks for initial admissions decisions, with 12th- grade mark checks prior to matriculation1) GPA: 10th- and 11th-grade marks for initial admissions decisions, with 12th- grade mark checks prior to matriculation 2) Rigor of Academic Workload2) Rigor of Academic Workload 3) Test Scores3) Test Scores 4) Essays* and Activities4) Essays* and Activities * Essays often ultimately make or break admissions decisions, particularly when candidates are grouped closely together.

11. Note: Your senior grades are just as important as those from your sophomore and junior years, but they won’t see those until after you’ve been accepted. Note, however, that universities tend to accept more than they can ultimately take. Admissions officers understand that some students who are accepted will not attend, and thus try to admit enough students to leave behind a solid class after attrition. If they end up with more people who intend to attend than they expected, you can be at risk if your marks fall. You are not officially at a university until you have matriculated; when the schools check your grades in June, they reserve the right to revoke your admission. And revocations do occur. Note: Your senior grades are just as important as those from your sophomore and junior years, but they won’t see those until after you’ve been accepted. Note, however, that universities tend to accept more than they can ultimately take. Admissions officers understand that some students who are accepted will not attend, and thus try to admit enough students to leave behind a solid class after attrition. If they end up with more people who intend to attend than they expected, you can be at risk if your marks fall. You are not officially at a university until you have matriculated; when the schools check your grades in June, they reserve the right to revoke your admission. And revocations do occur.

12. The UCs allow you to split the word count between your essays however you wish, but Dr. Rebecca Joseph says they prefer the essays to be roughly equal in length – 525-475, or 600-400 at the most. (There’s an exception for extraordinary circumstances – if you participated in something that disrupted your time in high school, for example.) The UCs allow you to split the word count between your essays however you wish, but Dr. Rebecca Joseph says they prefer the essays to be roughly equal in length – 525-475, or 600-400 at the most. (There’s an exception for extraordinary circumstances – if you participated in something that disrupted your time in high school, for example.) Also, if you go too far over the 1,000- word limit – Joseph recently said up to 1,090 words, which is actually much higher than she’s said in the past – a red sign will pop up on the site, and you won’t be allowed to proceed. Also, if you go too far over the 1,000- word limit – Joseph recently said up to 1,090 words, which is actually much higher than she’s said in the past – a red sign will pop up on the site, and you won’t be allowed to proceed.

13. Ask yourself: What do I need to explain about myself that will result in my being desired by a campus? Ask yourself: What do I need to explain about myself that will result in my being desired by a campus? What do I have to contribute, and what are my best qualities? What do I have to contribute, and what are my best qualities? What are the two stories that a) wouldn’t be apparent from my transcript, and b) could make a difference to an admissions official? What are the two stories that a) wouldn’t be apparent from my transcript, and b) could make a difference to an admissions official? It’s important to remember that, although an interesting topic is advantageous, there’s no topic they get bored with; all that matters in your ability to tell the tale. It’s important to remember that, although an interesting topic is advantageous, there’s no topic they get bored with; all that matters in your ability to tell the tale. (That said, you want to choose a topic that allows you to tell said tale; don’t settle or overextend.) (That said, you want to choose a topic that allows you to tell said tale; don’t settle or overextend.)

14. These aren’t just stories you’re telling, although the stories are important; the qualities you choose to display to a college (through showing, not telling) are just as critical. If you don’t know what you want to do, you can say what kind of person you are. But you have to talk about who you are now...no matter what. These aren’t just stories you’re telling, although the stories are important; the qualities you choose to display to a college (through showing, not telling) are just as critical. If you don’t know what you want to do, you can say what kind of person you are. But you have to talk about who you are now...no matter what. They’re looking for truth, unique stories, and writing skills. You have two to five minutes to grab a reader’s attention, so be aware of your audience. They’re looking for truth, unique stories, and writing skills. You have two to five minutes to grab a reader’s attention, so be aware of your audience.

15. Think of Prompt #1 as an “Outside-In” essay – start from outside yourself to show how you became the person you are – and of Prompt #2 as an “Inside-Out” essay. For each one, Joseph suggests using an Into – Through – Beyond approach: Think of Prompt #1 as an “Outside-In” essay – start from outside yourself to show how you became the person you are – and of Prompt #2 as an “Inside-Out” essay. For each one, Joseph suggests using an Into – Through – Beyond approach: Into  Be as specific as you can while “hooking” your audience Into  Be as specific as you can while “hooking” your audience Through  Specify the context – who, what, where, when, how, why – and show what developed over time. What’s the overall experience? What does this reveal about you? Through  Specify the context – who, what, where, when, how, why – and show what developed over time. What’s the overall experience? What does this reveal about you? Beyond  Connect to your present and future. How has this strengthened your life? The ending should convey characteristics – the summary statement or “moral” Beyond  Connect to your present and future. How has this strengthened your life? The ending should convey characteristics – the summary statement or “moral” Note: The Common Application does NOT want a moral at the end; Joseph advises deleting the last paragraph of your UC essay if you’re reusing it for that purpose. Note: The Common Application does NOT want a moral at the end; Joseph advises deleting the last paragraph of your UC essay if you’re reusing it for that purpose.

16. Joseph advises that you re-use your essays: if you’ve written an excellent one for the UC application, for example, use it again for the Common Application. Joseph advises that you re-use your essays: if you’ve written an excellent one for the UC application, for example, use it again for the Common Application. Finally, the “Activities” field shifts from year to year. If you’re given a box rather than a simple field, you owe it to yourself to use that space to your benefit. Describe all your activities – highlighting leadership and initiative – as insightfully as you can. Finally, the “Activities” field shifts from year to year. If you’re given a box rather than a simple field, you owe it to yourself to use that space to your benefit. Describe all your activities – highlighting leadership and initiative – as insightfully as you can.

17. To summarize: To summarize: You’re writing the personal essay for the readers’ benefit, not your ownYou’re writing the personal essay for the readers’ benefit, not your own The personal essay serves a very specific purposeThe personal essay serves a very specific purpose It’s meant to convince a reader to advocate for your admissionIt’s meant to convince a reader to advocate for your admission You will convince the reader to fight for you if you display interesting qualities/potential in the context of a well-written and compelling narrative frameYou will convince the reader to fight for you if you display interesting qualities/potential in the context of a well-written and compelling narrative frame –Not the same as writing a pure narrative! –This means you need an idea whose discussion lets you do all of the above

18. Remember, it’s possible to produce a good piece of writing that doubles as a terrible personal statement. Remember, it’s possible to produce a good piece of writing that doubles as a terrible personal statement. Good writing can exist in a vacuum; it’s good writing. Good writing can exist in a vacuum; it’s good writing. The personal statement, on the other hand, is the literary equivalent of pressing a button. The personal statement, on the other hand, is the literary equivalent of pressing a button. “Do it correctly,” and the button goes in; “do it incorrectly,” and you stand there pushing on something that won’t move and looking foolish. “Do it correctly,” and the button goes in; “do it incorrectly,” and you stand there pushing on something that won’t move and looking foolish. Of course, there isn’t any one way to “do it correctly”: don’t let anyone tell you otherwise, as the entire process would be pointless if a “solution” existed. Of course, there isn’t any one way to “do it correctly”: don’t let anyone tell you otherwise, as the entire process would be pointless if a “solution” existed. Rather, success often depends on whether an applicant knows which elements of his/her perspective/history to emphasize or downplay – and can convincingly do so in writing. Rather, success often depends on whether an applicant knows which elements of his/her perspective/history to emphasize or downplay – and can convincingly do so in writing.

19. As you take your first stab at writing a personal statement, fill in the blanks in the following line: As you take your first stab at writing a personal statement, fill in the blanks in the following line: “I’ve already checked (your name here)’s transcript, reviewed their awards and activities…(and/but) now that I’ve read (your name here)’s statement, I can see he/she is ________________, ________________, and ________________.” “I’ve already checked (your name here)’s transcript, reviewed their awards and activities…(and/but) now that I’ve read (your name here)’s statement, I can see he/she is ________________, ________________, and ________________.” Don’t instantly think of three good qualities; what’s a reader likeliest to think at the end of your work? What would you love for him/her to take away or understand about you in a perfect world – one where he/she reads your paper exactly as you intended for it to be read? Don’t instantly think of three good qualities; what’s a reader likeliest to think at the end of your work? What would you love for him/her to take away or understand about you in a perfect world – one where he/she reads your paper exactly as you intended for it to be read?

20. The traits you end up using to complete the “Mad Libs” statement should be: The traits you end up using to complete the “Mad Libs” statement should be: Positive: This paper is not a story about how you will atone for your past wrongs.Positive: This paper is not a story about how you will atone for your past wrongs. If past wrongs enter the equation, they only do so in order to leave you in a position of strength before you finish the paper.If past wrongs enter the equation, they only do so in order to leave you in a position of strength before you finish the paper. Unique: It stands to reason that the vast majority of college applicants can reasonably claim to be “responsible,” “hard-working,” and so forth.Unique: It stands to reason that the vast majority of college applicants can reasonably claim to be “responsible,” “hard-working,” and so forth. Which traits can you highlight that a) make you seem compelling, b) accurately reflect you, and c) leave a distinct, unique impression?Which traits can you highlight that a) make you seem compelling, b) accurately reflect you, and c) leave a distinct, unique impression?

21. Specific: Saying you’re good at working with people is fine; offering proof that you’re uncommonly good at building coalitions is better.Specific: Saying you’re good at working with people is fine; offering proof that you’re uncommonly good at building coalitions is better. Finally, the traits you choose to emphasize must be…well, chosen. You must figure out how you want to portray yourself. Finally, the traits you choose to emphasize must be…well, chosen. You must figure out how you want to portray yourself. These readers will never see your face or your wardrobe, never hear your voice or your laugh, never observe your interactions with your peers and elders. These readers will never see your face or your wardrobe, never hear your voice or your laugh, never observe your interactions with your peers and elders. They have a blank slate, and there’s a limit to the amount of detail they can lay down on that slate before they have to make a choice regarding your candidacy (no matter how many words you write). They have a blank slate, and there’s a limit to the amount of detail they can lay down on that slate before they have to make a choice regarding your candidacy (no matter how many words you write).

22. The blessing, and the curse, is that each applicant essentially has the same canvas, paintbrush, and palette; it’s what you do with your limited supplies that allows you to distinguish yourself from other candidates, because your approach has to reflect what you wish to display. The blessing, and the curse, is that each applicant essentially has the same canvas, paintbrush, and palette; it’s what you do with your limited supplies that allows you to distinguish yourself from other candidates, because your approach has to reflect what you wish to display. I will write one kind of essay if I want to show I’m passionate, open to new experiences, and politically active/engaged. I will write one kind of essay if I want to show I’m passionate, open to new experiences, and politically active/engaged. I will write a very different kind of essay if I want to show I’m thoughtful, good at bridging ideological divisions, and detail-oriented. I will write a very different kind of essay if I want to show I’m thoughtful, good at bridging ideological divisions, and detail-oriented. Now, here’s the key: I may be all of these things. But I may not be able to put all of them in the same paper without giving the impression that my thoughts are jumbled, or that I’m unable to understand my appeal (and, in turn, how to use my talents). Now, here’s the key: I may be all of these things. But I may not be able to put all of them in the same paper without giving the impression that my thoughts are jumbled, or that I’m unable to understand my appeal (and, in turn, how to use my talents). So carefully consider what you want those readers to draw on that blank slate as you plan what to write about. So carefully consider what you want those readers to draw on that blank slate as you plan what to write about.

23. Ultimately, the qualities you try to display will relate to the narrative frame you chose; in fact, they’ll dictate which incidents from your life you’ll end up including (since you obviously can’t include everything, let alone in detail). Ultimately, the qualities you try to display will relate to the narrative frame you chose; in fact, they’ll dictate which incidents from your life you’ll end up including (since you obviously can’t include everything, let alone in detail). Again, focus is key: they understand that they’re getting an incomplete picture of each applicant, and they want to see whether you can appeal to them anyway. Again, focus is key: they understand that they’re getting an incomplete picture of each applicant, and they want to see whether you can appeal to them anyway. That focus needs to show itself immediately, regardless of your narrative frame, because your reader will not read your entire paper at first! That focus needs to show itself immediately, regardless of your narrative frame, because your reader will not read your entire paper at first!

24. Your first paragraph is therefore incredibly important. It establishes the idea and tone for the rest of the paper, with the idea being that your reader will be able to make the correct “two-minute snap” judgment regarding your potential (and candidacy). Your first paragraph is therefore incredibly important. It establishes the idea and tone for the rest of the paper, with the idea being that your reader will be able to make the correct “two-minute snap” judgment regarding your potential (and candidacy). The “idea” is your response to the prompt – for UC #1, it’s about how your world shaped your dreams and aspirations (i.e., “I will teach because I have learned why teachers matter – and how badly children need good ones who care”). The “idea” is your response to the prompt – for UC #1, it’s about how your world shaped your dreams and aspirations (i.e., “I will teach because I have learned why teachers matter – and how badly children need good ones who care”).

25. Next, your body paragraphs flesh out the idea while maintaining your tone. They do so by providing example after example that build on each other to create momentum and credibility. Next, your body paragraphs flesh out the idea while maintaining your tone. They do so by providing example after example that build on each other to create momentum and credibility. All examples relate to the idea and qualities you want to display!! All examples relate to the idea and qualities you want to display!! These examples don’t just emphasize your idea: use them to display the characteristics you want readers to see in you without baldly stating them. These examples don’t just emphasize your idea: use them to display the characteristics you want readers to see in you without baldly stating them. Again, only use examples that contribute to the portrait you’re trying to provide. This is not a time to be falsely humble or self-effacing. Again, only use examples that contribute to the portrait you’re trying to provide. This is not a time to be falsely humble or self-effacing.

26. In your body paragraphs, details matter – not just regarding the examples that you use, but regarding the words you use while writing about them. In your body paragraphs, details matter – not just regarding the examples that you use, but regarding the words you use while writing about them. I’m sure you’ve learned about connotation and denotation before. Far too many applicants don’t pay enough attention to the connotative possibilities of their language, particularly when it comes to considering how the admission officers and statement readers – whoever they are – will react. I’m sure you’ve learned about connotation and denotation before. Far too many applicants don’t pay enough attention to the connotative possibilities of their language, particularly when it comes to considering how the admission officers and statement readers – whoever they are – will react. I want to reiterate that you’ll never meet these people…but it’s safe to assume they aren’t like you. They’re undoubtedly older, for one; for another, they’re the kind of people who will read hundreds, even thousands, of application essays every year. (That alone should tell you something.) I want to reiterate that you’ll never meet these people…but it’s safe to assume they aren’t like you. They’re undoubtedly older, for one; for another, they’re the kind of people who will read hundreds, even thousands, of application essays every year. (That alone should tell you something.) Never forget that you aren’t writing in a vacuum, and that this isn’t a diary: consider your audience, and do so carefully.

27. Take the following sentence, for example: Take the following sentence, for example: “I earned playing time in close games by studying and sleeping earlier, by replacing my animal-style In’n’Out Burgers with lemon chicken and salads, and by refusing to leave each practice until I’d made fifteen consecutive free throws.” “I earned playing time in close games by studying and sleeping earlier, by replacing my animal-style In’n’Out Burgers with lemon chicken and salads, and by refusing to leave each practice until I’d made fifteen consecutive free throws.” The sentence reveals some admirable traits (goal-oriented, driven, follows intelligent processes, prioritizes, “earns”) while being more memorable than a simple declaration of those traits. The sentence reveals some admirable traits (goal-oriented, driven, follows intelligent processes, prioritizes, “earns”) while being more memorable than a simple declaration of those traits.

28. Ideally, you write well enough that your reader gets the hints – that they can infer what you’re refraining from spelling out too obviously. Ideally, you write well enough that your reader gets the hints – that they can infer what you’re refraining from spelling out too obviously. But that’s key in a word-capped essay: you don’t have room for separate passages for each description, example, and quality. But that’s key in a word-capped essay: you don’t have room for separate passages for each description, example, and quality. The restrictions of the format pretty much force you to smash them all together, essentially killing as many birds with one stone as you can. (Apologies to all birds, who probably did nothing to warrant all the stone- killing.) The restrictions of the format pretty much force you to smash them all together, essentially killing as many birds with one stone as you can. (Apologies to all birds, who probably did nothing to warrant all the stone- killing.)

29. Your last paragraph concludes everything. Instead of summarizing what came before, broaden your perspective; now that the reader’s seen your examples, you can make more declarative, concrete, and confident statements than you could before with no additional explanation necessary. Your last paragraph concludes everything. Instead of summarizing what came before, broaden your perspective; now that the reader’s seen your examples, you can make more declarative, concrete, and confident statements than you could before with no additional explanation necessary. In the earlier example about teaching, this was the conclusion: “I will honor them by building on their work – by reaching out to confused children, feeding the hungry ones, consoling the sad ones, and teaching each and every one who walks under their words and through my door.” In the earlier example about teaching, this was the conclusion: “I will honor them by building on their work – by reaching out to confused children, feeding the hungry ones, consoling the sad ones, and teaching each and every one who walks under their words and through my door.” The writer doesn’t have to say what his/her “work” was, or which words he/she intended to post above his/her door, for the skimming first-pass reader to get the gist of what he/she is writing about. The writer doesn’t have to say what his/her “work” was, or which words he/she intended to post above his/her door, for the skimming first-pass reader to get the gist of what he/she is writing about.

30. It’s safe to assume that the second reader will see those references fleshed out more fully in the body paragraphs. (And if they don’t? That essay doesn’t make it through the second reader.) It’s safe to assume that the second reader will see those references fleshed out more fully in the body paragraphs. (And if they don’t? That essay doesn’t make it through the second reader.) Endings work better when they end, not when they provide another Star Wars-esque exposition crawl. Endings work better when they end, not when they provide another Star Wars-esque exposition crawl.