1. TL;DR: Editing for Conciseness Presentation by Elaine McNeil and Lindsay Warner

2. Conciseness From Dermer et al.: “A concise sentence is without needless words.” From Merriam-Webster: “Marked by brevity of expression or statement from all elaboration and superfluous detail.” TL;DR: Conciseness is the opposite of wordiness.

3. Importance of Conciseness The more concise the documentation is, the more quickly the reader can complete his or her task. Inconciseness may impede the reader. Technical editors should edit for conciseness to improve the document’s usability and readability.

4. 5 Principles for Conciseness Williams and Colomb provide 5 principles for conciseness: 1.Delete meaningless words 2.Delete redundant words 3.Delete what readers can infer 4.Replace a phrase with a word 5.Change negatives to positives

5. 5 Principles for Conciseness: Practice 1.Not many technical editors have mastered comprehensive editing. 2.In the event that a tornado occurs, you should evacuate to the first floor auditorium hall. 3.You must submit your full and complete work history.

6. 5 Principles for Conciseness: Practice 4.We observed that the process occurred at an earlier stage than we hypothesized. 5.This particular experience taught me how to effectively compromise.

7. Warning Signs of Inconciseness When editing for conciseness, look for three warning signs: Overuse of the Main Verb Be Expletive Structure Nominals

8. Overuse of the Main Verb Be Writers generally overuse the structure “X is Y.” Example Before: This new format is an improvement for our communication. (9) After: This new format improves our communication. (6)

9. Overuse of the Main Verb Be: Practice 1.This report is an indication of our financial standing. 2.This internship was a great experience that taught me how to work with subject matter experts in hi-tech fields. 3.This guide is intended to supplement the park guide map.

10. Expletive Structure Expletive structure places meaningless words in the subject and verb positions. Example Before: There are a number of attractions that offer Disney’s FASTPASS® service. (11) After: Many attractions offer Disney’s FASTPASS® service. (6)

11. Expletive Structure: Practice 1.It is required that guests follow boarding instructions. 2.It is recommended that you make reservations at least six months in advance. 3.There are picnic areas available for you to use at your leisure.

12. Nominals Nominals are verbs trapped in noun form. Example Before: Cast members can offer assistance with medical needs. (8) After: Cast members can assist with medical needs. (7)

13. Nominals: Practice 1.Please be respectful of others. 2.This guide offers a comparison of the various features. 3.An evaluation of each candidate must be completed before hiring anyone.

14. Common Mistakes Altering Sentence Meaning Removing words may omit important information that thus changes the sentence’s meaning. Example A valid disability parking permit is required. A parking permit is required.

15. Common Mistakes Altering Tone Removing “buffer” words and phrases can change the tone of a message. Example We request that no food or beverages are brought into Disneyland® Park or Disney’s California Adventure® Park. Do not bring food or beverages into Disneyland® Park or Disney’s California Adventure® Park.

16. Any Questions?

17. References Riley, K., Campbell, K., Manning, A., & Parker, F. (2011). Revising for Conciseness. In Revising Professional Writing in Science and Technology, Business, and the Social Sciences (3rd ed., pp. 99- 101). Hilton Head, SC: Parlay Press. Williams, J., & Colomb, G. (2010). Concision. In Style: Lessons in Clarity and Grace (10th ed., pp. 100-117). Pearson Education. Dermer, M., Lopez, S., & Messling, P. (n.d.). Fluency Training a Writing Skill: Editing for Concision. The Psychological Record, 59, 3-20. Guidebook for Guests with Disabilities. (2006). Disney.