1. Love Theories
Day Two

2. The Triangle Theory of Love Robert Sternberg
Passion, intimacy, and commitment
Varieties of love occur b/c of the ways people combine these elements.

3. Theory of Love Liking= Intimacy alone
Companionate love = intimacy + commitment
Romantic love= intimacy + passion
Infatuation = passion alone
Fatuous (shallow) love= passion + commitment
Empty love= commitment alone.

4. Ideal love according to Sternberg
Consummate love= combines all three ingredients.
Most relationships romantic passion subsides and intimacy increases. Why?

5. Attachment Theory of Love
People acquire their attachment styles in large part from how their parents cared for them.

6. The attachment theory of Love. Philip Shaver and Cindy Hazan
There are three forms of attachment:
secure
avoidant
anxious-ambivalent

7. Securely attached lovers
Secure about their position in the relationship.
Rarely jealous or worried about being abandoned
Adults: they report having had warm, close relationships with their parents.
Parents were benevolent and kind
Based on surveys: 59% of adult pop.

8. Anxious/ ambivalent Lovers
Always fretting about their relationships
Want to be close but worry that their partners will leave them.
People describe them as “clingy”
Adult: report feeling more ambivalence toward their parents, esp. mothers
Parents were punitive and kind
Survey 11% of adult pop.

9. Avoidant Lovers Distrust and avoid intimate attachments
Adult: describe their parents in almost entirely neg. terms
Parents were cold, punishing, and rejecting
Survey: 25% of adult pop.

10. Summary of the three types
Anxious = I often worry that my partner will stop loving me.
Avoidant = My partners often want me to be more intimate than I feel comfortable being.
Secure= Sometimes people see me as boring because I create little drama in relationships.
Rarely: a person can be the combination of anxious and avoidant.

11. Results
Mismatched attachment styles can lead to a great deal of unhappiness in a relationship, even for people who love each other greatly.
Goal: tap into a more secure mind-set and finding secure role models.

12. The End