1. Sibling Rivalry, Relationships & Birth Order

2. SIBLING RELATIONSHIPS
What are siblings?
Brothers and Sisters (Includes Step and Half)
How can a sibling relationship be a positive part of a family?
Role models
Supporters
Members of a “coalition” for dealing with parents :)
Coalition: a temporary union between two opposing teams

3. SIBLING ROLES Playmates and Companions Teachers and Learners
Protectors and dependants
Adversaries
Role Models

4. SIBLING RIVALRY What is Sibling Rivalry?
Competition among children of the same family for their parents’ affections or for dominance is called sibling rivalry. It is extremely common, and it sometimes persists into adult life.
Question: What are some typical things brothers and sisters have problems with or argue about?

5. Younger children typically copy and try to excel in areas in which older children have previously succeeded.
One or both parents sometimes single out one child as the “best” and another as the “black sheep.”
Rivalry may continue into adulthood when siblings compete often over various things.

6. Next to the parent-child relationship, the sibling relationship is probably the strongest, and is the longest!!
They have deep sharing of emotions.
Teaching and socializing is often the role of an older brother or sister.
The older sibling is not only a teacher, but caretaker and companion.

7. BIRTH ORDER
The order in which children are born in to a family has an influence on the development of the children.
The stages in the family life cycle are based on the age of the oldest child because everything the firstborn does is new to the parents.

8. Things to Remember About Birth Order:
There are exceptions in every trait
Focus on positive traits of each birth order
Become aware of uniqueness
Use the information to understand yourselves and others
Do not use traits as labels or stereotypes

9. BIRTH ORDER QUIZ

10. Category A:
Manipulative, charming, usually gets his/her way, blames others for things that happen, witty, a show-off, loves people, good salesperson, draws favorable attention

11. Category B:
Perfectionist, reliable, makes lists, conscientious, well-organized, serious, critical, does well in school, usually neat and tidy.

12. Category C:
Acts as a go-between in family conflicts, has the fewest pictures in the family photo album, avoids conflict, extremely loyal to peer group (gets mad if parents criticize friends, etc.), has many friends, seems to do things differently than the rest of the family, indepedent

13. Category A:
Manipulative, charming, usually gets his/her way, blames others for things that happen, witty, a show-off, loves people, good salesperson, draws favorable attention
Youngest Child

14. Category B:
Perfectionist, reliable, makes lists, conscientious, well-organized, serious, critical, does well in school, usually neat and tidy.
Oldest Child

15. Category C:
Acts as a go-between in family conflicts, has the fewest pictures in the family photo album, avoids conflict, extremely loyal to peer group (gets mad if parents criticize friends, etc.), has many friends, seems to do things differently than the rest of the family, independent
Middle Child

16. The Oldest Child Is:
Usually set up as an example to the other children.
Treated more like an adult by his/her parents.
A high achiever
Given and accepts more responsibility than the other children
Usually college bound
Independent
Affectionate

17. The Middle Child: May work extra-hard to get recognition
Is usually a peace maker
Is somewhat average in schoolwork, but is an all-around good student
Is usually a calm, even-tempered adult

18. The Youngest Child:
Gets a lot of attention, along with a lot of bossing
May be spoiled
Usually matures quickly
May be undisciplined and irresponsible
Is easy-going about school
Likes to associate with someone who takes charge of situations

19. MARRIAGE IN RELATION TO BIRTH ORDER
Oldest and Youngest – the youngest is use to being taken care of and the oldest likes taking care of others.
Two Youngest - will have lots of fun together, but may resent each other later because no one is taking care of each other.
Two Oldest – admire and respect each other because of the traits they possess. However later on they may have problems trying to agree on things.

20. Family Portrait Assignment
Draw a picture of your family. Please be creative and try to give me more than just stick figures.
After drawing the picture, list the qualities, traits, etc. that you feel you have because of your place in the family.

21. How to Relate to Your Parents

22. How well do you get along with your parents
How well do you get along with your parents? Do you ever wish you could relate to them better? The following tips will help you to positively influence them to have a better relationship with you.

23. 1. Encourage your parents through good behavior.
Show them how much you are growing up in the way you behave:
What you do at school /grades
How truthful you are
How polite you are to others
How well you do your chores (without being asked!)
How you handle money
How you show appreciation (Please, Thank You, I Love You)
The way you take care of your possessions

24. 2. Be considerate of Mom and Dad!
Don’t just expect things to be given to you. Remember, they are the ones “bringing home the bacon” for you. Ask nicely and be prepared if they say “no.”
If they do say “No,” do not resort to child-like communication! It will only cause them to react in a parent-like way.
Don’t be demanding!
Let them listen to what they want on the radio or watch on TV once in awhile.

25. 3. Tell them “Thank You” at least once a day.
Thanks for what?
Providing for me (food, shelter, school supplies, entertainment, spending money, support, protection, cell phone, etc.)
When you tell your parents “thanks”, and really mean it, your life will become easier. Everyone likes to be thanked.
Don’t take your parents for granted. Circumstances in life can change overnight.

26. Never assume that your parents “owe” you a living simply because they brought you into this world. They do owe you love, guidance, direction, instruction, time and protection, but they do not owe you a living.
You are the one responsible, as a young person, to learn how to make do with what you have-to appreciate what you have been given and make the most of it.

27. 4. Do something special for your parents.
The key is to do something for your parents BEFORE they ask.
Suggestions: clean your room, help clean the house, wash the dishes, fix dinner, offer the baby-sit younger siblings, etc.
When you do something unexpected, you are telling them by your actions that you respect and love them. They will then show you more respect and be willing to give you more privileges.

28. 5. Apologize when you’ve done something wrong.
Everyone makes mistakes. It is part of being human.
Don’t be afraid to tell your parents that you’re sorry when you have done something wrong.
It is a sure sign of a responsible adult to admit when you are wrong.
If you are sincere when you apologize, they will be more apt to treat you like an adult. They will also have more respect for you.

29. 6. Don’t do anything that could betray the trust of your parents or cause them to question your honesty.
This is the most important thing you can do if you really want to positively influence your parents!
The more trust your parents have in you, the more freedom you will have!
It is VERY difficult to repair that trust once it is broken because of poor choices or behavior.

30. 7. Don’t judge your parents.
Remember, everyone makes mistakes, even parents!
Whenever you see some of your parents’ faults, remember that no one is perfect.
It is difficult being a parent! Try to imagine yourself in their shoes. Would you really want all of the responsibility that a parent has to deal with?

31. 8. Ask your parents for advice.
Ask your parents for advice about things that are important to you. Believe it or not, they WANT you to turn to them for help.
Remember, your parents were teenagers once too! They have been where you are and they have a lot of good, solid advice that they can share with you.
This is also a great way to develop a deeper and more sensitive relationship with your parents.

32. 9. Talk to your parents!
As hard as you think it might be to do, it is a great way to strengthen your relationship.
Try talking to your parents like you talk to your friends.
Your parents WANT you to share experiences, talk about your problems and ask for advice.

33. 10. Spend time with your parents.
Spending time with your parents also strengthens your relationship.
Try to plan one night a week where you “hang-out” with your family. (Play games or watch movies together, etc.)
Individual time with your parents is also very important to develop a greater relationship with them.
Remember, quality time is more important than quantity time.