2. The “E” in EARS Welcome to Week 2

3. Agenda Have you registered? Review Activity The “E” in EARS Small group

4. Carl Rogers’ requirements for a good counselor / therapist: Congruence: Genuineness and honesty with the client EMPATHY: Ability to feel what the client feelsEMPATHY: Ability to feel what the client feels Respect: unconditional positive regard towards client (meaning, acceptance of client – counselor must remember all people have the ability to grow!)

5. Attitudes UGREEN Understanding Genuineness Respect Esteem Empathy Non-judgmentalness

6. Underlying Attitudes HARP Hopefulness Attention to strengths Resources Positive possibilities

7. Attending Behaviors ROLE SET Relaxed Open, square position Lean forward Eye contact Silence Encouragers Tone of voice

8. Not-Helpful Listening Has there ever been a time when you told someone something and their response was not helpful at all?

9. Habit: “You should do…” Problem: Giving advice Habit: “Me too!” Problem: Switching to your own experiences Habit: “You just want to have sex with your mother…” Problem: Psychoanalyzing Habit: “That’s nice but…” Problem: Disinterested Not-so-helpful Listening Habits

10. Habit: “You’re being an idiot.” Problem: Judgmental, labeling Habit: “It’ll be OK.” Problem: Patronizing, devaluing feelings Habit: “What did you say?” Problem: Distracted, unfocused Habit: “I can’t wait to tell…” Problem: Betraying confidentiality and trust Not-so-helpful Listening Habits

11. Why is it hard to listen? WE THINK FASTER THAN OTHERS SPEAK IT DOESN’T FEEL “NATURAL” WE “FILTER” IT TAKES HARD WORK AND CONCENTRATION

12. Why reflect feelings? Because when emotions are high we can’t think or solve problems. “I’m so upset I can’t think straight!”

13. Why reflect feelings? When feelings are expressed and understood… emotions cool THEN problems and issues can be managed

14. Word Game Shout out what comes to mind when you see each word!

15. Word Game snow

16. Word Game pregnancy

17. Word Game eating alone

18. Word Game divorce

19. The E in EARS is for EMPATHY!!! What is empathy? Let’s brainstorm! What did Google image search come up with?

20. The E in EARS is for EMPATHY!!! Dictionary.com Part of the process is putting our assumptions aside and stepping into another’s shoes The heart of EARS!

21. What is Empathy? A work of the imagination, the mind and the heart. Putting yourself in another person’s position to understand what they feel - even when you haven’t had the exact same experience.

22. Monkey See, Monkey Do

23. What does empathy look like in EARS? Reflection of –Feelings –Content –Meaning

24. A “Formula” to Try You seem to feel ________ (use a feeling word here) because _______________ (this is what happened) and what’s important to you is___________ Now for a Demo from trainers!

25. Build your own empathy statement! “My parents are so controlling – they keep pressuring me about applying to med school. I’m not even sure I want to go. I’m so confused. The whole process is so overwhelming. I wish they’d just leave me alone so I could make my own decision.”

26. Build your own empathy statement! “I’m pregnant. My boyfriend just took off and I feel completely alone. I don’t have any idea how I’ll care for my baby. I’m so scared of not doing a good job. I want my baby to have all the opportunities I did.”

27. Build your own empathy statement! “Oh my God! I broke a nail, now my hands look all uneven and gross. This is so totally embarrassing – like, what if someone notices? That’s too scary.”

28. Challenges to Successful Empathy Being Genuine First time use Assumptions Minimizers Concise Just as I thought

29. The EARS Active Counseling Model

30. Break  Small Group Last Name Leaders Space GradsJayasri & LaurenMPR1GradsJayasri & LaurenMPR1 A -D Alyssa,Joanna,Risa MPR 2A -D Alyssa,Joanna,Risa MPR 2 E-Le Saryn &PriscillaMPR 3E-Le Saryn &PriscillaMPR 3 Li-R Jess & Yuliya Conf 220Li-R Jess & Yuliya Conf 220 S-Z Amanda & Erica Wendy Purcell Conf RoomS-Z Amanda & Erica Wendy Purcell Conf Room