2. The Health & Intimacy of Your Marriage is Directly Proportionate to your Personal Growth & Maturity as a Disciple of Jesus Christ

5. How Do You Navigate Through Emotional Discussions?

16. 1. What Can You Do To Improve Your Marriage? Be The Safest Person In The World To Your Spouse Be The Safest Person In The World To Your Spouse If your spouse is not vulnerable with you… you are not a safe person to them

17. 2. A Safe Person Is A Person Who… Accepts me as I am ~ to be on the outside what I am on the inside Helps me love & be responsible ~ Increases love within me I can be myself around Whose life touches mine & I am better for it Helps me grow…into who I am created to be… Helps me be like Christ Accepts me as I am ~ to be on the outside what I am on the inside Helps me love & be responsible ~ Increases love within me I can be myself around Whose life touches mine & I am better for it Helps me grow…into who I am created to be… Helps me be like Christ How Are You Doing At Being Safe For Your Spouse? How Are You Doing At Being Safe For Your Spouse?

18. 3. What Is Empathy?

19. 4. What Does Empathy Do? What Is The Developmental Process? What Is The Developmental Process? Allows for connection & intimacy

20. How Do We Listen? 10% words/30% sounds/60% body language… 80-90% is NON-VERBAL! Levels of Listening: Ignoring Ignoring Pretending Pretending Selective Selective Attentive Attentive Empathic Empathic Ignoring Ignoring Pretending Pretending Selective Selective Attentive Attentive Empathic Empathic We evaluate We evaluate We probe We probe We advise… fix We advise… fix We interpret We interpret We evaluate We evaluate We probe We probe We advise… fix We advise… fix We interpret We interpret

21. Highest level of listening Creates safety ~ the “safety net” that allows vulnerability & risk Seeks to UNDERSTAND BEFORE BEING UNDERSTOOD The language of sentiment & emotion ~ not logic A transformation opportunity rather than a mere transaction The only path to attachment & intimacy 4. What Empathic Listening?

22. #2 #3 #1 What you intend to say What the other person intends to say in response What you hear What you actually say What you think you heard What the other person hears What the other person thinks they heard What the other person actually says in response

23. Creating safety by: Seeking to understand Valuing & respecting the listener Imagining my partner’s vulnerability Moving towards the negative Playing by rules Speaker Skills: Issue Facts Feelings Thoughts Wants Actions Table Soft Ownership Brief Listener Skills: Square Open ~ Posture Lean Forward Eye Contact Relax Paraphrase Validate Empathize

24. TIPS & RULES: Make “I” statements Make “I” statements Don’t say “always” or “never” Don’t say “always” or “never” Don’t Interrupt Don’t Interrupt Stick to the topic & the present Stick to the topic & the present No labeling or name-calling No labeling or name-calling Don’t try to “fix” Don’t try to “fix” Listen for sentiment & emotion Listen for sentiment & emotion If all else fails… If all else fails…