1. Cause I Don’t Know: I Wasn’t There!

2.  For the Love of just use “I” ◦ This is a stupid holdover from the Age of Enlightenment (hundreds of years ago) and its reasoning is lost on most current English teachers.  But they keep doing it anyway.  However, don’t overuse it just cause you can. ◦ I feel this passage means, blah blah  You’re writing it, of course you’re the one who feels that way

3.  Eliminate Your Vague Pronoun Use ◦ It ◦ This ◦ Them ◦ These ◦ That ◦ Those ◦ Sometimes, but far too often not, it’s not clear what that pronoun is referring to. Restate.

4.  After putting the disk in the cabinet, Mabel sold it.  Take the radio out of the car and fix it.  If the fans don’t buy all the peanuts, pack them away until the next game.  The supervisors told the workers that they would receive a bonus.  The candy dish was empty, but we were tired of eating it anyways.  The witness called the television station but they didn’t answer.  Although Mrs. Smith was wealthy, she made poor use of it.

5.  Words You Should Just Avoid ◦ Things ◦ Very ◦ Good ◦ Bad ◦ Scared ◦ Mad ◦ Nice ◦ Funny ◦ Little ◦ So many more Ask yourself, is there a much more specific word (or one with connotative significance that would be a billion times better?

6.  Eternal Present Tense ◦ When writing about and quoting from sources, we pretend they’re still alive. Cause we’re nice like that. ◦ Shakespeare writes, “To Be, or not to Be.” NOT ◦ Shakespeare wrote, “To Be, or not to Be.”

7.  More Stupid Rules The Thesis should be only one sentence long. The Thesis should be no longer than X amount of words. The Thesis cannot have the word “I” in it.

8.  Say Goodbye to the Five Paragraph Essay Thesis (I will argue X, Y, and Z) The list-like thesis will almost guarantee a 5PE The thesis should reveal the direction of your argument, but you don’t want to lay all your cards down at once. Look to synthesize your various reasons and arguments into a statement.

9.  Bad/Limiting/Overly Structured ◦ "The narrator's description of the family's old house, their dream house and the house on Mango Street conveys the family's struggle with expectations and reality.“  Better/Open/Structure Not Dictated ◦ Esperanza conveys her struggle with expectations versus reality through detailed descriptions of her family’s various homes both real and imaginary. As an aspiring writer, her choice of details serve as a powerful reflection of her character.

10.  The Five Paragraph Essay is an evil beast. If you write one, somewhere, somehow, a puppy will be kicked.  But Do You Know What’s Really Wrong With It? ◦ Cause it’s not the #. You can have a 15 paragraph “5 paragraph essay”

11.  Transitions ◦ Transitions are sentences that signal to the reader the organization and connections in your essay. In a 5PE they are this: Firstly, Secondly, Finally, Another reason I feel... In conclusion, ◦ … don’t do this.

12.  The most effective use of transitions combines them with your topic sentences. Therefore a good transition should do 3 things. Briefly summarize the paragraph before (or the main idea from before) Preview the new idea coming up. Show the purposeful connection between the two ideas.

13.  Previous paragraph(s) discussing how marijuana is a fairly harmless drug Transition: ◦ Since marijuana has been scientifically proven to cause very few physical or mental, long-term problems for the human body, it’s actually an important bonus that it has also been proven to actually provide medical benefits for the infirmed.  This paragraph would continue on to discuss the medical benefits of pot. The transition sentence has set the stage for the new topic and shown the connection to the one before.

14.  Previous paragraph about how euthanasia will save health care costs wasted on keeping the terminally ill alive. Transition: ◦ The money saved in an already heavily burdened health care system is not the only type of pressure that will be relieved if euthanasia is made legal. More important than the stress felt by often nameless healthcare providers is the stress and anxiety felt by the families of loved ones whom face painful and incurable conditions.  Paragraph proceeds to explain the loosening of stress on families. The transition has shown that we’re talking about a similar idea of burden being lifted but have moved from the general topic of health providers to the specific family members.

15. Tend to come at the beginning of the new paragraph (though some people prefer to put them at the end of paragraphs) Also operate within paragraphs in a more simplified form Further, From this, In other words, Building upon this idea, On the contrary,