1. Unit #4: Relationships Ch. 10, 11, and 12

2. Skills for Healthy Relationships Chapter 10

3. Introductory Questions #1 1)What qualities do you look for in a friend? Which of these characteristics do you personally display? 2)Name some important characteristics that a healthy relationship is based on. 3)Name three skills people need in order for a relationship to succeed. (3 C’s) 4)How do you define a person’s character? What are the six main traits of good character? (Pg. 252) 5)What are the three basic skills that are needed for effective communication? 6)In your own words, describe the three styles of communication (passive, aggressive, & assertive). 7)Communication always involves speaking and ______. Remember to never ____________ that the others can read you mind. (pg. 255)

4. Foundations of Healthy Relationships Relationship –A bond or connection you have with other people –Relationships affect all sides of your health triangle Role –A part you play in a relationship –e.g., son, daughter, employee, friend, church member, etc. –These roles may gradually or suddenly change –Be aware of your role Healthy relationships are based on mutual respect and shared values and interests –Encourage and support one another –All parties benefit and feel comfortable

5. Types of Relationships Family relationships (immediate & extended) –Teach you values that will guide you through life thus enhancing your social health –Their love, care, and encouragement contribute to your mental/emotional health –Food, clothing, and shelter benefit your physical health

6. Types of Relationships Friendships –A significant relationship between two people that is based on caring, trust, and consideration –Based on shared values and interests –Can positively influence your self-concept and behavior –Hard work, but well worth the effort

7. Types of Relationships Community relationships Citizenship –The way you conduct yourself as a member of the community Members work together to enhance the safety and well-being of the entire community Demonstrate good citizenship by: –Volunteering –Obeying laws and rules –Be a friendly and helpful neighbor

8. Three C’s of Healthy Relationships Communication –Your ways of send and receiving messages –Words, gestures, facial expressions and behaviors –Used to express feelings, needs, wants, & knowledge Cooperation –Working together for the good of all Helps build stronger relationships Compromise –A problem-solving method that involves each participant’s giving up something to reach a solution that satisfies everyone This “give and take” strengthens relationships Solutions should be acceptable to ALL parties Learn when to and when to NOT compromise

9. Characteristics of Healthy Relationships Mutual respect and consideration Honesty Dependability Commitment

10. Character –The way you think, feel, and act Trustworthiness –Honest, reliable, & loyal Respect –Good manners, being considerate, tolerant Responsibility –Do what is expected of you, personal accountability, self- control Fairness –Play by the rules, take turns and share, open- minded, don’t place blame, listen Caring –Kind and compassionate; put time and energy into helping others Citizenship –Doing your share and taking part in improving your school/community; obeying laws and rules

11. Communicating Effectively All the ways in which you send and receive messages are forms of communication Three basic skills for effective communication –Speaking –Listening –Body language

12. Communication Styles Passive –The inability/unwillingness to express thoughts and feelings Don’t stand up for themselves Pushovers Aggressive –Intimidate and bully Not considerate of others Assertive –Expressing thoughts and feelings clearly, BUT without hurting others Stand up for themselves while respecting others They attack the problem, not the person

13. Communication Skills Speaking –Don’t assume people can read your mind Express hurt feelings Clearly say what you mean Be aware of tone, pitch, and volume “I” message –Statement that expresses how a person feels by using the pronoun “I” –Delivers messages with strong emotional content –Avoid placing the blame on others

14. Introductory Questions #2 1)Why is the “I message” important to use when you have to communicate strong emotional context? 2)Why is listening such an important aspect of good communication? 3)Name the four techniques for active listening that can help you to have a healthy relationship. 4)Messages that do not contain words (nonverbal communication) involve __________ _______ through gestures, facial expressions, behavior, and posture. 5)Name (5) obstacles that stop clear communication between people. (pgs 259-260) 6)Briefly explain what constructive communication is and the purpose it serves. 7)Why are acknowledgements and compliments important to give others?

15. Communication Skills Listening Active Listening –Paying close attention to what someone is saying & communicating Reflective listening –Rephrase/summarize –Clarifying –Ask how he/she feels or thinks about the situation –Ask questions for your own clarification –Encouraging –Nodding, smiling, “I see,” “uh-huh” –empathizing

16. Communication Skills Body Language –Non-verbal communication through gestures, facial expression, behaviors and postures Nodding or smiling can show you agree or disagree Tense position or rolling of the eye’s can communicate frustration, etc. Being aware of body language can help send clearer messages

17. Eliminating Communication Barriers Image & Identity issues –Identity: a sense of who you are and of your place in the world If you are unsure of who you are & your values, communication can become complicated Unrealistic expectations –Can lead to frustration Lack of trust Prejudice –An unfair opinion or judgment of a particular group of people Doesn’t allow you to be open-minded Tolerance –Ability to respectfully accept others’ differences Gender stereotyping

18. Effective Communication Constructive feedback Constructive criticism: non-hostile comments that point out problems for the purpose of helping a person improve –Doesn’t place blame or attack Use “I” messages Acknowledgements & compliments –Everyone needs to feel appreciated Various forms: –Notes –Verbal expression of gratitude –Flowers –gifts

19. Introductory Questions #3 1)What are the (5) common causes of conflict? 2)Look at Fig. 10.5 (pg. 264), what sorts of strategies can be used to resolve conflicts? Why is respect important in resolving conflict? 3)What do you think causes conflicts to escalate and get out of control? (see exploring issues) 4)What are some important things to remember when trying to negotiate with others? 5)What is mediation? What are some important things to remember if you are the mediator between two people?

20. Resolving Conflict Conflict –Any disagreement, struggle or fight Often occurs when the needs, wants, expectations or beliefs clash with those of another person Interpersonal conflict –Disagreements between groups of any size Common Cause of Conflict –Power struggles –Loyalty –Jealousy/envy –Property disputes –Territory & space

21. Responding to Conflict Primary concerns: –Health and safety –Walking away from a potentially dangerous situation is a mature decision—don’t be afraid of doing so Conflict resolution –The process of solving a disagreement in a manner that satisfies everyone involved Strategies for resolving conflicts –See Figure 10.5 (page 264)

22. Negotiation & Mediation Negotiation: the use of communication and often compromise to resolve a disagreement –Steps to take: Select a time & place best suited for working out the problem Work together Be open-minded Be flexible Take personal responsibility Give the other person an “out” (if they seem embarrassed or uncomfortable—set up for later)

23. Negotiation & Mediation Mediation: the process in which specially trained people help others resolve their conflicts peacefully –Confidentiality is maintained –Usually in a neutral location –Should be used when all other means of resolution have been exhausted Peer mediators: students trained to help other students find fair resolutions to conflicts & disagreements

24. Introductory Questions #4 – Chapter11 1)How would you define a family? What does a family provide you? 2) When looking at the Health triangle, how do family relationships effect all three sides? 3)List all the ways you can strengthen your family relationships. 4)Your text offers some suggestions for managing emotional stress when parents get divorced. What are they? 5)What are some changes in family circumstance that can cause difficulties for the family? 6)What can you do to cope with family changes? (pg. 284)

25. Introductory Questions #5 1)What are the three main forms of abuse commonly seen in families? 2)What are the elements of a good safety plan against abuse? (see the Q & A box) 3)What are some of the effects of abuse? 4)How can the “Cycles of Violence” be stopped? 5)What are the three strategies (R’s) that can help you avoid and prevent domestic abuse? 6)Why are support groups important for people who need help? What do they offer to people?

26. Chapter 12 Peer Relationships

27. Safe & Healthy Friendships What is a friend? –Someone with whom you share a bond –Casual vs. close –platonic Who usually makes up your group of friends? –Peers or people of similar age –Cliques? Usually based on prejudice & stereotyping

28. Forming Healthy Friendships Choose friends that share similar interests & values, but that also provide a healthy balance. Care for & nurture those friendships: –Be loyal –Encourage one another –Respect each other

29. What is peer pressure? –Is it only negative? Negative peer pressure usually results in engaging in risky behaviors. –Harassment –manipulation Avoid it Be assertive 1.State your position 2.Suggest alternatives 3.Stand your ground The pitfalls of passive & aggressive responses. Peer Pressure & Refusal Skills

30. Dating!! You are approaching the stage in your life when you start feeling differently about boys & girls…we call this dating. Infatuation vs. affection –Infatuation: exaggerated feelings of passion –Affection: feelings of fondness

31. Dating!! What to do: Sports/athletic events Community activities Charitable activities School events Set limits BEFORE –Curfews are usually aimed at keeping you safe What NOT to do: Put yourself in risky situations Being alone before you are ready

32. Abstinence Deliberately deciding to avoid high-risk behaviors Abstinence applies to sexual activity & drug use Establish priorities Set limits Share thoughts Talk with a trusted adult Avoid high-pressure situations Don’t use alcohol or drugs

33. Chapter 12: Peer and Friend Relationships Key terms to know: -cliques -prejudice -stereotype -Attributes: loyalty, respect, encouragement -Refusal skills----peer pressure -harassment -manipulation -passive/aggressive -Dating -Abstinence -STD’s

34. Chapter 12: Peer and Friend Relationships Assignment: Write a one page letter to your best friend explaining to them all the reasons you enjoy their company. Be sure to include: -A past experience you had with them (a memorable event) -Important things that were said or done -Qualities they possess that you like about them -Why you like hanging out with them?