2. Love and Logic EmSTEM PLC Tuesday, August 29th

3. Background  Love and Logic Techniques  Calms the reactive brain with empathy and delayed consequences  Encourages thinking skills with choices and use of problems solving with students  One liners help staff to be less reactive

4. The Rules of Love and Logic Rule #1 Use enforceable limits Rule #2 Provide choices within limits. Rule #3 Apply consequences with empathy.

5. Rule #1 Enforceable Limits  The effective application of limits requires that children have implied choices and be forced into thinking mode.  This means that we are not telling kids what to do we are telling them what we will do. This is limit setting.

6. Enforceable Limits Examples “Get your finger out of your nose.” “I will listen to you when your fingers are not in your nose.” “Stop whining.” “I will listen as soon as your voice is as calm as mine.” “You show some respect.” “I will be glad to discuss this when respect is shown”

7. Rule #2 Choices Within Limits Give 99% of your choices when things are going well. Give choices before the student becomes resistant. For each choice give two options, each of which you like. If your student does not make a timely choice, provide two choices make the choice for him/her.

8. Choices Within Limits  Delivery is important:  You’re welcome to--or--  Feel free to--or--  Would you rather--or--  What would be best for you--or--

9. Choices Within Limits..Many of our Students Student P ower Struggles… Often times winning a power struggle is more important to a child than making a good decision, particularly if the child feels that he/she does not have much control over things. Many of our most behavior challenged students lack the opportunity to choose, and feel they have very little control over their lives.

10. Rule #3 Consequences With Empathy  The effective teacher administers consequences with empathy and understanding, as apposed to anger and lecture.  When adults respond with anger and lectures, children often transform their sorrow into anger with the adult--the lesson may be lost.

11. Rule #3 Consequences With Empathy  The child is not distracted by the adult’s anger.  The child must “own” his or her pain rather than blaming it on the adult.  The adult-child relationship is maintained.  The child is much less likely to seek revenge.  The adult is seen as being able to handle problems without breaking a sweat.  The child learns through modeling to use empathy with others.

12. Consequences With Empathy Delayed Consequence Consequences do not need to be delivered immediately. Take time to develop a plan. Include the student in the development of the consequence by using the problem solving steps.

13. Consequences with Empathy  Problem Solving Steps  Empathy: “How sad.” “bummer”  Send the power message: “What do you think you are going to do?”  Offer choices: “”Would you like to hear what other kids have tried.”  Have the child state the consequences: “And how would that work for you?”  Give permission for the child to either solve or not solve the problem: “Good luck. I hope it works out for you.”

14. Neutralizing Student Arguing 1. Go Brain Dead 2. Choose a one-liner  “I respect you too much to argue.”  “I bet it feels that way.”  “Could be. Do not attempt to think--Become a broken record. Keep your voice soft.

15. Next Steps  Weekly Pearls of Wisdom Emails  Individual trouble shooting  Books available  Suggestions