1. Child Training Constrain and Confirm

2. Child Training Method Determined by the scriptural goal & objectives God’s goal for everyone Hb 12:5-11 Goal: independent godliness (spiritual maturity) Objectives: (Positive vs. Negative) Self-control vs. Self-indulgence Wisdom vs. Foolishness Responsibility vs. Irresponsibility If the goal is to accept responsibility to choose to be godly, in submission to God’s wisdom, self- control…What is the method to achieve goal?

3. Child Training You must train the will of the child Strong-willed vs. self-willed Hb 5:12-14 Control esp. younger children who can’t control themselves yet Convince be convinced & teach the child Constrain give opportunity to practice what he is taught; make sure he follows through Confirm reinforce right decisions & develop more opportunities for growth; allow wrong decisions to teach the child

4. Biblical Control Physical coercion, bribery, etc. may work short- term on behavior Emphasis is not on the external God gave authority to parents Ef. 6:1-4 God gave control to the parents Parental Control should become Self Control Tyrannical parenting -> anger, discouragement Negligent parenting -> same result

5. Biblical Control The child must obey. Period. The child acts immediately upon calm instruction, the first time. Aim for child’s respect, not affection Authority must be taken back – not back and forth – make it permanently Do not allow the child to argue Do not misuse authority (i.e. bully them) Do not try to be a “friend” in a way that lacks authority

6. Biblical Instruction Instruction should become Insight Dt. 6:6-9 Time Consistency Within teaching With other parent With parental behavior With reality Coherent Reasons Dt. 6:20-25 God’s reasons to do what is right, how it is right

7. Constraining as Training Discipline should become Self-discipline Child to tutor Gal. 3:23-4:7 lower than slave Disciple to master Jn 13:12-17 Example v.4-5 Instruction v.12-13,16 (6-11) Command v.14-15 Promise v.17 Let your words be few Eccl. 5:2 (rules be few) Let your words be true Matt. 5:37 (enforced)

8. Constraining as Training No rules - no training Pr 29:15 Too many rules - opportunities for inconsistency Rebuke only vs. restraint 1 Sam. 2:22-23; 3:13 Spanking? Pr 13:24 promptly Eccl. 8:11 Pr. 22:15 with instruction Pr 23:13-14 with love for his soul Build up deposits in emotional bank account (EMB) before making withdrawal For violating God’s rules, parents’ rules, any authority (not for accidents, ignorance, etc.)

9. Training by Confirming If correction, explanatory rebuke If consequences, explain cause & effect If punishment, gives meaning to discipline If reward, gives meaning to accomplishment If praise, builds esteem & deposits in EMB Outcome reinforces words Consistency & confirmation builds trust Consistency & confirmation paves way for success next time