1. WELCOME TO SEMINAR 7 Enjoy chatting until we get started.

2. UNIT 7 ASSIGNMENTS Reading: The Kaplan Guide to Successful Writing, ch. 14, pp. 194-204, ch. 15 (pp. 205- 210) Invention Lab 1: Getting your big idea out there Invention Lab 2 : Multimedia project (Public Service announcement) Seminar: Revision methods Tech lab: Review technologies

3. C OMMUNICATING YOUR BIG IDEA How can you BROADCAST your message? Blogs Podcasts Facebook and other online communities PowerPoint Presentations Other ideas? Where do you go for information and Why? How does each outlet affect or change the message? What strategy or outlet would you use to broadcast your message? Who would be your audience and what would your purpose be?

4. R EVISION S TRATEGIES What is revision and how does it differ from editing? Post-Draft Outline Errors to eliminate

5. POST DRAFT OUTLINING What is it? How can it help me to revise and critique a peer’s paper?

6. WHY USE POST-DRAFT OUTLINING? Post draft outlining is a critical reading strategy that will also help you with your writing. Whenever you are reading something that you wish to analyze, it helps to put it in outline form. It is a valuable part of the writing process It allows you to “see” whether the plan the writer originally created is actually working and shows us specific weaknesses in our writing we might not otherwise be able to detect. It gives us objectivity and builds our critical eye.

7. POST-DRAFT OUTLINING HELPS TO ANSWER THESE QUESTIONS: Is the organization effective? Are any points repeated? Does the introduction or conclusion still need work? Are any additional points needed to support the thesis?.

8. POST-DRAFT OUTLINING: METHOD  Count paragraphs in draft, write numbers, then put main point of each paragraph next to the number.  Make sure topic sentences for each paragraph reflect the main idea of that paragraph.  Review order of ideas to see if they are logical or if paragraphs need reorganization.  Note any unnecessary repetition or gaps.  Make sure each paragraph focuses on the main idea—see if anything needs to be removed.

9. STEPS Read your draft. Highlight your thesis statement. What is your first supporting point that proves your thesis? Highlight or number that point. What is the second supporting point that proves your thesis? Highlight or number that point. What is the third supporting point? Highlight or number that reason. Repeat steps for any additional paragraphs. Find your counter argument. Is it effective? Do you have an effective introduction and conclusion?

10. A NALYZE Can you follow the logic of your paper from beginning to end? Are there places where the connection between paragraphs seems hard to follow? Are there places where you feel more needs to be said? Places where you need to create a bridge between paragraphs or major ideas in your paper? Are there paragraphs or passages that seem to repeat what has already been established earlier in the paper? Was there a paragraph that was particularly difficult to summarize? One that seems to belong in another place in the paper or might need to be divided in two?

11. MAGGIE’S DRAFT Practice post-draft outlining

12. MAGGIE’S DRAFT The draft has 8 paragraphs. Therefore, the post-draft outline should have 8 sentences. We are going to do three of those eight. You’ll be asked to write one sentence for each paragraph in Maggie’s essay. The sentence should express the main idea of that paragraph. That could be the thesis and topic sentences, but I recommend writing your own sentences to see if you can paraphrase the main idea of each paragraph in your own words. Once you come up with the sentences, consider whether each paragraph is cohesive (focuses on one main idea), if each paragraph relates to the thesis, and if the organization of ideas is effective.

13. Let’s create a post-draft outline The sample essay is “Curbing Parental Sports Rage: Parents’ and Coaches’ Conduct at Youth Sporting Events” Paragraphs from the essay will appear on the following slides.

14. U SE ONE SENTENCE TO SUMMARIZE EACH PARAGRAPH : (P LEASE DO NOT POST SENTENCES UNTIL TOLD TO DO SO.)

15. C URBING P ARENTAL S PORTS R AGE, 1 A child’s world is full of violence. It appears in video games, films, and TV programs, and many parents in the hope of removing their children from some of this violence are encouraging and sometimes pushing their children into participating in organized sports. Unfortunately, this same violence is creeping into Little League, Pee Wee football, soccer, basketball, and hockey, in the form of the parents’ and coaches’ poor conduct and rage. This violent behavior on the part of parents and coaches must be curbed and we must bring back into the game the learning of the rules and skills of the sport and a sense of good sportsmanship and values.

16. S ENTENCES ? Post your first summary sentence.

17. EXAMPLE – FIRST SUMMARY SENTENCE Children who play sports often deal with violent parents and coaches, whose behavior needs to change in order for players to learn good sportsmanship.

18. C URBING P ARENTAL S PORTS R AGE, 2 Some parents are losing sight of why these children are playing--and that to the children is what they are doing: “playing.” Many parents come to their child’s practice or game with their own agenda of win, win, win at all costs. The team winning, the points scored, who is the big scorer: these are the issues that have replaced fun and sportsmanship in the eyes of these parents. These unreasonable expectations of winning, not messing up, being the star player, and making mom and/or dad proud are everything. “These parents expect perfection from their children, the coaches and the referees” (Sachs, 2000, p.62). It no longer is for the kids. Maybe Mom or Dad were promising athletes in their youth and for one reason or another were robbed of their hopes and are pinning all of their own wants, needs, wishes, and “what ifs” on their child or children (Kehe, 2000). The major problem seems to be that these parents are not considering what the children want. According to a “Kidthink” survey conducted by Jerry Kirshenbaum (1993) for Sports Illustrated, the kids want things like “unlimited free throws until they miss in basketball, everyone having a turn to play, less violence in hockey, using their hands in soccer, and to have fun” (p.12). Perhaps the parents should listen to the children on this issue.

19. S ENTENCES Post your second summary sentence.

20. EXAMPLE – SECOND SUMMARY SENTENCE Children’s sports used to teach good sportmanship, but parents and coaches are now more worried about winning at any cost.

21. C URBING P ARENTAL S PORTS R AGE, 3 Originally, the purpose of organized sports for young children was to teach them the basics of the game and skills needed to play, to practice good sportsmanship, and to have fun. If we look back to the beginnings of organized sports over 100 years ago, the purpose then was to get the growing numbers of rowdy children off the streets and to teach them values (Nack & Munson, 2000). Joe Fish, director of the Center for Sports Psychology in Philadelphia adds to this stating, “The main purpose of youth sports is to emphasize effort, participation and skill development” (as cited in Nack & Munson, 2000, p. 6). According to Fish, parents and coaches are too worried about the outcome of the game and are getting away from the initial purpose. In addition, Thomas Tutko, Professor Emeritus of sports psychology at San Jose State University and a member of the National Alliance for Youth Sports (NAYS) board says, “Kids rank winning about seventh or eighth down on the list. […] Children’s sports are supposed to teach skills and values – such as fair play, working with others and dealing well with adversity- that kids can draw upon throughout their lives” (as cited in Nack & Munson, 2000, p. 6). What has gone wrong with that purpose? Where has this sense of sportsmanship, learning, and fun gone?

22. S ENTENCES Post your third summary sentence.

23. EXAMPLE – THIRD SUMMARY SENTENCE Youth sports now cater to parents more than the kids who play.

24. CONSIDERATIONS What are some of the suggestions you might give Maggie for improving her paper? Did the post-draft outline indicate any areas of weakness in the paper? How might you improve the introduction and conclusion? How effectively does Maggie defend her claims? Is her evidence sufficient? Where might she need more support from sources? What are other ways she might develop her paper’s main ideas?

25. REVISION What is revision? How will I begin this process?

26. WHAT IS REVISION? “Re-vision,” or literally, “ re-seeing” the paper. Great writers do it! E.B. White, the author of Charlotte’s Web, noted that “The best writing is rewriting” (cited in Van Dam & Tysick, 2008, p. 66). The acronym “ARMS” can help writers remember important steps in revision.

27. ARMS Do I need to Add anything? -- a word, a phrase, a sentence, a paragraph, a description Do I need to Remove anything? Did I repeat myself? Do I need to Move anything? -- a word, a phrase, a sentence, a paragraph Do I need to Substitute anything? – a word, phrase, a sentence

28. Consider “MACRO” Revisions Purpose Thesis Audience Structure Support

29. ERRORS TO ELIMINATE There, they’re, and their There means a place (over there). They’re means they are (they’re coming). Their means something belongs to them (their books).

30. E RRORS TO E LIMINATE Its and it’s It’s means it is (it’s raining). Its means something belong to it (its sound).

31. E RRORS TO E LIMINATE Plural and Possessive Add ’s to show possession (Jon’s book) Add s to make plural (dogs in the yard) Never use apostrophes to make a word plural.

32. E RRORS TO E LIMINATE Avoid First and Second Person In academic essays, you should not talk to the reader. Avoid the words you and your. Avoid first person (I, me, we, our), unless using an appropriate personal experience to prove a point.

33. E RRORS TO E LIMINATE Avoid asking your readers questions. If you must ask, provide an answer just after the question. Tell readers what you think with strong, definitive statements.

34. E RRORS TO E LIMINATE Avoid overuse of passive voice. Active voice usually makes for clearer sentences.

35. E RRORS TO E LIMINATE Avoid cliches: In order to… At this moment in time… It has come to my attention… I feel that…or I believe that… It is my belief that… Thinking outside the box… At the end of the day… Children are our future… In today’s (anything…busy world, dangerous world, etc.)

36. A NY QUESTIONS ?