1. DEFINING ELABORATION Lesson 1 Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved.

2. Definition of Elaboration Elaboration means... To tell the reader more using Specific words Extensions (phrases, clauses) Onion-like layering of detail Specific strategies, e.g., anecdotes or scenario, lists for specificity, examples, definitions, descriptions, quotations, statistics, and facts. Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved. Lesson 1

3. What does elaboration look like? ANECDOTES -- An anecdote is a short narrative inserted into an essay that develops an idea or argument. This sounds like... Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved. Hey, I remember the time when I had to carry my... Once when I was in middle school, the kids would always... Lesson 1

4. ANECDOTES - your turn Do you remember any teacher who told lots of stories as they were teaching? Or parents who told stories about “ when they were young ” ? This is an effective way to make or develop a point. Share some with your classmates. Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved. Lesson 1

5. What does elaboration look like? EXAMPLES -- provide more specific information about an idea. This sounds like... Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved. The cats were all acting like they were crazy. For example, one jumped at me with all … We had a barrage of different weather last week: hail, rain, snow, and sunshine. My brothers always seem to pick on me. For instance, they may hide my soccer shoes before a game. Lesson 1

6. Develop your point with an example. Student Sample Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved. The game of golf can be played for an entire lifetime and also by yourself. People of any age can go out and play a round of golf whenever they want as opposed to team sports. For example, football, soccer, and volleyball take an entire team of people to play. How many times are you going to call up ten or more of your friends and go play sports? Lesson 1

7. EXAMPLES - your turn Examples are an effective way to help the reader understand your ideas. Tell a classmate about a situation at school and provide him/her with an example. Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved. Lesson 1

8. What does elaboration look like? DEFINITIONS -- are restatements of an unfamiliar word or phrase to tell what it means. This sounds like… Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved. The best part of our hot lunch program is the A La Carte. What I mean by A La Carte is the little deli line past the lunch line where you can buy cookies, slushies, and candy bars. Lesson 1

9. Develop your point with a definition. Student sample Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved. One of the best programs at our school is something called Brainworks. Brainworks is an after-school program where kids go and do their homework. They even let you work on the computers there. I like it a lot because the lady who runs the program keeps everyone pretty quiet. At my house, I have 6 little brothers and sisters, and there is never a quiet place to work. Lesson 1

10. DEFINITION – your turn Defining specific words shows an awareness of the audience. It shows you are thinking of what the audience knows and what they don ’ t know. Talk to your classmate about some of the “ lingo ” you hear at school. What would you have to define for your parents? Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved. Lesson 1

11. What does elaboration look like? STATISTICS and FACTS -- are the numbers (data) and information that help support your idea or argument. Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved. Mom, did you know that 98% of all my friends get to stay up until 1:00 AM on weekends? Well, Son, did you know that 3 out of 4 parents would have grounded you for staying out so late? Lesson 1 Kids who smoke at an early age are prone to heart attacks later in life.

12. Develop your point with facts and statistics. Student Sample Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved. Another craze to sweep America was the low-carb diet. It was reported in the newspaper after the last holiday season that 67% of all Americans were low-carb dieting. Let me tell you the personal impact that has had on my family’s wheat farm here in Washington. Lesson 1

13. STATISTICS and FACTS – your turn Talk to a partner and come up with a statistic about school, e.g., number of football games won, number of friendly teachers, amount of time wasted in class. Think of what statistics would convince the audience. Share an idea with the whole group. Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved. Lesson 1

14. What does elaboration look like? QUOTATIONS -- are words someone says that can help support your idea or argument. Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved. “Spaying or neutering dogs and cats is the single best gift a pet owner can give.” Dr. Stein, the veterinarian from the animal shelter, agreed when she said, Lesson 1

15. Develop your point with quotations. Student Sample Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved. Another reason to graduate from high school is that even technical jobs require a diploma. Jared Turner from Best Performance Welding magazine states, “We won’t even consider hiring a person without a high school diploma. Our workers need to read the job specs, monitor equipment performance, and write orders and reports.” Turner went on to describe the many qualified applicants who compete for positions in his busy firm. This seems to be different from the good old days and makes a pretty decent point about staying in school. Lesson 1

16. QUOTATION – your turn Quotations or simple dialogue can add information and credibility to your idea or argument. Tell your classmate what a world famous principal and author of The Best Schools for Kids might say about your school. Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved. Lesson 1

17. What does elaboration look like? DESCRIPTIONS --are ways to create vivid images for the reader. Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved. The sound of my phone cut through the silent class, and I anxiously dug into my backpack to grab it before Mrs. Schuman, the writing teacher, noticed. Pawing through Chapstick, lipstick, gum wrappers, and rubber hair wraps, my hand darted around the deep pockets of my backpack. “Must shut off ringer,” I thought. Lesson 1

18. Develop your point with description. Student Sample Jackie walked slowly to the Vietnam Veterans ’ Memorial exhibit. In her hands were two yellow daffodils that she had brought with her on the hour-long bus ride. Their green stems, snapped from the patch in the backyard, were slowly drying out. Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved. Lesson 1

19. DESCRIPTION – your turn Description can take many forms and still be effective. Show, don ’ t just tell, your reader. Be specific with your word choice. Try to create an image that appeals to your reader ’ s senses. Work with your partner and write a paragraph that describes the PE locker rooms at your school. Elaborate using sensory details. Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved. Lesson 1

20. Your Turn Think about an activity, a sport, or a class you believe should be offered to students at your school. Write a letter to your principal persuading him/her why this activity, sport, or class should be offered. As you think about your audience, decide what type of elaboration would be most convincing. (anecdotes, examples, statistics and facts, quotations/expert opinion, description) See - Elaboration Scoring Guide See student samples - Grade 10 Aerobics Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved. Lesson 1