1. Module Ten: Conflict

2. Conflict
A disagreement between or among connected individuals
Each person’s position affects the other person
Positions are to some degree interrelated and incompatible

3. The Nature of Conflict
Conflict is Natural All relationships experience conflict
Conflict Can Be Beneficial Conflict is unavoidable but when managed well, has personal and relationship benefits
Effective communication during conflicts can actually keep good relationships strong. People who use constructive problem-solving strategies are more satisfied with their relationships and with the outcomes of their conflicts. p. 273 7

4. Two Kinds of Conflict Content:
centres on objects, events, and persons external to the parties involved
- What to watch on TV
- How to spend savings
- Whom to invite over

5. Two Kinds of Conflict (continued)
Relationship:
concerned with the relationship between individuals
-Who is in charge
-How equal is the relationship
-Who has the right to set rules of behaviour

6. Junk mail
Spamming
Flaming
Trolling
Online Conflict

7. Principles of Interpersonal Conflict
Conflict is inevitable—you cannot avoid it.
Interpersonal conflict can occur in computer-mediated communication as well as in face-to-face interaction.
Conflict can have positive as well as negative effects.
Conflict is heavily influenced by gender and culture.
The style of conflict you use will have significant effects on your relationship.

8. Negative Aspects of Conflict
Increased negative regard for the opponent
Depletion of energy
Isolation from others
Increased costs; decreased rewards
Negative Aspects of Conflict

9. Positive Aspects of Conflict
Forces examination of a problem
Moves toward potential solutions
Enables individuals to state desires—and get them
Prevents hostilities from festering
Increases understanding and meeting each other’s needs
Says relationship is worth the effort
Positive Aspects of Conflict

10. In collectivist cultures conflicts are more likely to centre on violating collective or group norms and values
In individualistic cultures conflicts are more likely to occur when individual norms are violated
Conflicts and Culture

11. Variables in Conflict Styles
Culture Factors to Consider:
• Cultural Styles Vary
• Individualism/Collectivism
• Ethnic Factors
• Biological Factors
• Self-Concept
An orientation toward individualism or collectivism is the most important cultural influence on conflict. In individualistic cultures like Canada’s, the goals, rights, and needs of each person are considered important and individuals have the right to stand up for themselves. In collectivistic cultures, more common in Latin America and Asia, the group’s concerns are more important than the individual’s needs. These factors would influence how conflict is managed.
Different ethnic communication practices and styles influence how conflict is perceived and managed. For example, loud talking may be an ethnically acceptable practice that could be misconstrued as conflict by an outsider.
Biology and factors like temperament influence our approach to conflict.
4. Self-concept may be more powerful than culture in determining conflict style. p 23

12. Men are more apt to withdraw from a conflict situation than women
Men become more psychologically and physiologically aroused during conflict than women
Women want to get closer to the conflict; want to talk about it, resolve it
Women tend to be more emotional, men more logical
Ha ha…these are stereotypes – no real difference
Conflicts and Gender

13. Variables in Conflict Styles
Gender Factors to Consider:
• Different “Approaches” to Conflict
• Use Different Forms of Aggression
• Power vs. Relational Issues
• Stereotypes
Men and women often approach conflicts differently. Even in childhood, males are more likely to be aggressive, demanding, and competitive, whereas females are more cooperative.
Males and females tend to use different forms of aggression in relationships. Males favour more direct forms of aggression (verbal and physical) whereas females are more inclined to use indirect but equally harmful relational aggression tactics like gossiping, rumour-spreading, social exclusion etc.
Men are sometimes seen as more concerned with power and content than relational issues. Women are sometimes seen as being more concerned with maintaining the relationship during a conflict. When the conflict behaviours of both sexes are observed, women are more assertive about expressing their ideas and feelings, and men are more likely to withdraw from discussing issues.
Men and women have different notions of what constitutes a good relationship. Male friendships are more likely to see aggression and competition as OK.
Research on gender and conflict suggests that the differences in how the two sexes handle conflict are relatively small, and sometimes different from the stereotypical picture of aggressive men and passive women. The individual style of each communicator, regardless of gender, and the nature of the relationship are more important than gender in shaping the way he or she handles conflict. p 22

14. Conflict Styles Competing: I win, you lose Avoiding: I lose, you lose
Accommodating: I lose, you win
Compromising: I win and lose, you win and lose
Collaborating: I win, you win
Conflict Styles

15. The Nature of Conflict
Figure 10.1 depicts the five conflict styles. p. 274 8

16. Factors to Consider When Choosing the Most Appropriate Conflict Style
Avoiding
(lose–lose)
Accommodating
(lose–win)
Competing
(win–lose)
Compromising
(partial lose–lose)
Collaborating (win–win)
When the
issue is of little
importance
When you discover you
are wrong
When there is not enough time to seek a win–win outcome
To achieve quick,
temporary solutions to complex problems
When the issue is
too important for a
compromise
When the costs
of confrontation
outweigh the
benefits
When the issue is more important to the other person than it is to you
When the issue
is not important
enough to negotiate
at length
When opponents are strongly committed to mutually exclusive
goals
When a long-term
relationship between
you and the other
person is important
p. 271
Adapted from W. W. Wilmot & J. L. Hocker (2010). Interpersonal Conflict, 8th ed. New York: McGraw-Hill. 13

17. (Continued)Factors to Consider When Choosing the Most Appropriate Conflict
Avoiding
(lose–lose)
Accommodating
(lose–win)
Competing
(win–lose)
Compromising
(partial lose–lose)
Collaborating (win–win)
To cool down
and gain
perspective
When the long-term
cost of winning isn’t
worth the short-term
gain
When the other
person is not willing
to cooperate
When the issues
are moderately
important but
not enough for a
stalemate
To merge insights with
someone who has a
different perspective on
the problem
To build up credits for
later conflicts
When you are
convinced that your
position is right and
necessary
As a backup mode
when collaboration
doesn’t work
To develop a
relationship by showing
commitment to the
concerns of both parties
To let others learn
by making their own
mistakes
To protect yourself
against a person
who takes advantage
of noncompetitive
people
To come up with
creative and unique
solutions to problems
Adapted from W. W. Wilmot & J. L. Hocker (2010). Interpersonal Conflict, 8th ed. New York: McGraw-Hill. 14

18. What To Do State ownership of problem
Describe conflict in terms of the behavior, consequences, and your feelings about it
Avoid letting the other person change the subject
Phrase your solution to focus on common ground
Think what you will say first; be brief and precise
Disengage

19. How To Do It Listen to nonverbal and verbal cues
Respond empathically: genuine interest/concern
Paraphrase problem; ask questions to clarify
Seek common ground
Ask the other person to suggest alternatives
How To Do It

20. Resolving Conflicts Through Collaboration
Initiating conflict appropriately
Think through what you will say before you confront the other person, so that your request will be brief and precise
State ownership of the apparent problem
Describe the potential conflict in terms of the behavior you observe, the consequences, and your feelings about it
Avoid letting the other person change the subject
Phrase your solution in a way that focuses on common ground
Resolving Conflicts Through Collaboration

21. Collaboration: Responding to Conflict Effectively
Disengage emotionally
Listen to nonverbal cues as well as to the verbal message
Respond empathically with genuine interest and concern

22. Paraphrase your understanding of the problem and ask questions to clarify issues
Seek common ground by finding some aspect of the complaint to agree with
Ask the person to suggest alternatives

23. Before the Conflict Try to fight in private
Be ready to deal with the conflict at hand
Know what you’re fighting about
Fight about problems that can be solved
Before the Conflict

24. A Model of Conflict Resolution
Define the conflict:
Define both content and relationship issues
Use specific terms
Empathize
Avoid mind reading
Examine possible solutions:
Look for win–win solutions
Weigh the costs and rewards of solutions
Seek solutions in which both share the costs and rewards

25. A Model of Conflict Resolution (continued)
Test a solution:
Test mentally: how does it feel now?
How comfortable is it?
Test in actual practice: How does it work?
Evaluate the solution:
Did it resolve the conflict?
Is the situation better?
Is the solution worth the costs for each?
Are rewards about even?

26. A Model of Conflict Resolution (continued)
Accept or reject the solution:
If you accept, put it into operation!
If you reject, test another solution or redefine the conflict

27. Learn from the conflict and the process you used in trying to resolve it
Keep the conflict in perspective
Attack your negative feelings
Increase the exchange of rewards and cherishing behaviours
After the Conflict

28. Complete the test on page 246-7
Test Yourself

29. Productive Conflict Management Strategies
Fight actively
Talk
Be supportive
Use face-enhancing strategies
Use empathy
Use an open expression
Present focus
Stay above the belt
Don’t be argumentative

30. Unproductive Conflict Management Strategies
Avoidance
Force
Defensiveness
Blame
Silencers
Hitting below the belt
Aggressiveness

31. Verbal Aggressiveness
Inflicts psychological pain
Attacks the other’s self-concept
Disconfirms
Seeks to discredit the other’s view of self
Verbal Aggressiveness

32. Complete this in your EZ Guide
Test Yourself

33. Argumentativeness: A Quality to be Cultivated – willingness to argue for a point of view on a significant issue
Treat disagreements as objectively as possible
Avoid attacking the other person
Reaffirm the other’s sense of competence
Avoid interrupting
Stress quality and similarities
Express interest in the other person’s position, attitude, and point of view
Avoid presenting your arguments too emotionally
Allow the other person to save face

34. Win-Win Method Identify Your Problem and Unmet Need
The ownership of the problem almost always belongs to the person who raises the problem.
Win-win is rarely used. Buy-in to competition, lack of knowledge and the need for cooperation are barriers to using the win-win method.

35. Complete Skill Buidling Exercise in your EZ Guide
Homework

36. Have a great Day!!! 