1. WORKING OUT CONFLICTS IN RELATIONSHIPS (WITHIN THE BCBP)

2. Conflict is a normal and necessary part of healthy relationships
Conflict is a normal and necessary part of healthy relationships. After all, two people can’t be expected to agree on everything at all times.
When conflict is mismanaged, it can harm the relationship. But when handled in a respectful and positive way, conflict provides an opportunity for growth, ultimately strengthening the bond between two people.
Conflict arises from differences. It occurs whenever people disagree over their values, motivations, perceptions, ideas, or desires.

3. INTRODUCTION
In community (BCBP), you have a diversity of attitudes, opinions, traits and backgrounds. People with different attitudes can cause conflicts and misunderstandings, leading to difficulties in relationships.

4. Guidelines on Conflict Resolution
Make an effort to preserve the unity which has the
Spirit as its origin and peace as its binding force.
Eph4: “ I plead with you to live a life worthy of the calling you have received, with perfect humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another lovingly. Make every effort to preserve the unity which has the Spirit as its origin and peace as its binding force
Eph 4: “See to it, then, that you put an end to lying; let everyone speak the truth to his neighbor, for we are members of one another. If you are angry, let it be without sin. The sun must not go down on your wrath; do not give the devil a chance to work on you”.

5. Guidelines on Conflict Resolution
Put away any hostility, quarreling and bad temper.
Eph 4: “See to it, then, that you put an end to lying; let everyone speak the truth to his neighbor, for we are members of one another. If you are angry, let it be without sin. The sun must not go down on your wrath; do not give the devil a chance to work on you”
Eph 4: “Get rid of all bitterness, all passion and anger, harsh words, slander, and malice of every kind”.

6. Guidelines on Conflict Resolution
Go and make peace with your brother or sister;
avoid bringing in others, but go directly and try to
resolve it among yourselves
Mt 18:15,16 “If your brother should commit some wrong against you, go and point out his fault , but keep it between the two of you. If he listens to you, you have won your brother over.
If reconciliation is needed, take the initiative to
patch things up
Mt 5:23, “If you bring your gift to the altar and there recall that your brother has anything against you, leave your gift at the altar, go first to be reconciled with your brother and then come offer your gift “.

7. HOW TO WORK OUT DIFFICULTIES
If the issue is a matter of right or wrong, we needed the wisdom of the Spirit to discern who is right or wrong. If you find difficulty with this, suggest you bring in your leader.
Whoever is at fault should immediately apologize.
Whoever is in the right should accept the other’s apology and discuss the reason that brought about this issue to avoid similar misunderstandings in the future.

8. HOW TO WORK OUT DIFFICULTIES
If the issue is not a matter of who is right or wrong,
but rather which is better or how it can be improved, speak directly to the one concerned.
If he proves his point, agree to the change and thank him for it.
If it is not clear-cut matter and you don’t agree, bring it up to a leader. However, if this can be avoided by all means try to come to terms between the two of you. It is a lot easier to accept responsibility and apologize if a third party is not around.

9. HOW TO WORK OUT DIFFICULTIES
If the issue is just a matter of preference, trivial
matters, mannerisms, then be a brother or sister by acceding to his way.
Give up wanting things your way.
A way by which one practices humility.
Becoming sensitive to how good brothers and sisters do things.

10. HOW TO WORK OUT DIFFICULTIES
D. Personal Conflicts
Conflicts and disagreements may simply be over-sensitiveness.
Mannerisms that rub you the wrong way.
Pettiness that can easily be overlooked.
One way to overlook these trivial things is by going over the person’s assets and qualities. When you realize his overall good qualities, you will find easy to overlook the petty little things he or she does.

11. LOVE FOR EACH OTHER
If there is love and patience among brothers , things will always work out. (Rom 8:28)
Those whom the Lord has called he predestined to share in his love (Rom 8:29)
Pray for each other.

12. HOW TO WORK OUT CONFLICTS (Fairly and Peacefully)
1. STOP before you lose control of your temper and make the conflict worse. 2. SAY what you feel is the problem. What is causing the disagreement? What do you want? 3. LISTEN to the other person's ideas and feelings. 4. THINK of solutions that will satisfy both of you. If you still can't agree, ask someone else to help you work it out.

13. Groark Learns to work out conflicts
Groark has a disagreement with his friend over a robot they are building as a school project. Their behavior toward each other quickly leads to a serious rift and the project comes to an unpleasant halt. Frustrated and angry, Groark turns to a group of real children for a lesson in working out conflicts. He learns how to stay calm, talk about the disagreement with the other person, listen to each other's point of view, and look for a solution that makes them both happy. Equipped with this new approach to problem solving, Groark and his friend resolve their conflict, and the robot is saved.

14. Groark Learns to listen
Groark is working on a dance routine for a talent show with two friends. His failure to listen to their ideas and concerns upsets his friends, causes misunderstandings, and eventually results in one of them being injured. When Groark is told to go away, he turns to a group of real children who help him understand how his poor listening habits caused such trouble and how he can become a better listener. Groark asks his friends for a second chance, and his greatly improved listening skills make everybody happy.

15. Groark Learns About Bullying
Groark is playing with his friends when two of them start teasing and picking on a third one. As the situation escalates Groark gets drawn in, and, before he realizes it, Groark is picking on his best friend. When his friend goes off crying, Groark doesn't understand what happened until he learns from a group of real children how he and the others were being bullies, and how hurtful that was to the victim. Groark returns to the playground, convinces the other kids that they have been cruel and unfair, and together they make peace with the friend they had picked on.

16. Groark Learns About Prejudice
Groark and his friends are planning a party. One of the friends convinces the others not to invite the new kid in school, citing reasons that ring with classic racist beliefs. But when Groark learns that this friend doesn't even know the new kid, he turns to a group of real elementary school children for a lesson in prejudice. They discuss how people sometimes treat others unfairly because of size, age, gender, race, ethnicity and national origin, and why it's important not to pre-judge people. Groark takes this lesson back to his friends and they decide to include the new kid.

17. Ways of addressing conflict
Five basic ways of addressing conflict were identified by Thomas and Kilmann in 1976:[2][3]
Accommodation – surrender one's own needs and wishes to accommodate the other party.
Avoidance – avoid or postpone conflict by ignoring it, changing the subject, etc. Avoidance can be useful as a temporary measure to buy time or as an expedient means of dealing with very minor, non-recurring conflicts. In more severe cases, conflict avoidance can involve severing a relationship or leaving a group.[4]
Collaboration – work together to find a mutually beneficial solution. While the Thomas Kilman grid views collaboration as the only win-win solution to conflict, collaboration can also be time-intensive and inappropriate when there is not enough trust, respect or communication among participants for collaboration to occur.
Compromise – bring the problem into the open and have the third person present. The aim of conflict resolution is to reach agreement and most often this will mean compromise.[5]
Competition – assert one's viewpoint at the potential expense of another. It can be useful when achieving one's objectives outweighs one's concern for the relationship.[6]
The Thomas Kilmann Instrument can be used to assess one's dominant style for addressing conflict.[7]

18. Conflict is actual or perceived opposition of needs, values and interests. A conflict can be internal (within oneself) to individuals. Conflict as a concept can help explain many aspects of social life such as social disagreement, conflicts of interests, and fights between individuals, groups, or organizations. In political terms, "conflict" can refer to wars, revolutions or other struggles, which may involve the use of force as in the term armed conflict. Without proper social arrangement or resolution, conflicts in social settings can result in stress or tensions among stakeholders. When an interpersonal conflict does occur, its effect is often broader than two individuals involved, and can affect many associate individuals and relationships, in more or less adverse, and sometimes even way.
Conflict as taught for graduate and professional work in conflict resolution (which can be win-win, where both parties get what they want, win-lose where one party gets what they want, or lose-lose where both parties don't get what they want) commonly has the definition: "when two or more parties, with perceived incompatible goals, seek to undermine each other's goal-seeking capability".
A clash of interests, values, actions or directions often sparks a conflict. Conflicts refer to the existence of that clash. Psychologically, a conflict exists when the reduction of one motivating stimulus involves an increase in another, so that a new adjustment is demanded. The word is applicable from the instant that the clash occurs. Even when we say that there is a potential conflict we are implying that there is already a conflict of direction even though a clash may not yet have occurred.

19. Building the Skills That Can Turn Conflicts into Opportunities
Conflict is a normal and necessary part of healthy relationships. After all, two people can’t be expected to agree on everything at all times. Therefore, learning how to deal with conflict—rather than avoiding it—is crucial.
When conflict is mismanaged, it can harm the relationship. But when handled in a respectful and positive way, conflict provides an opportunity for growth, ultimately strengthening the bond between two people. By learning the skills you need for successful conflict resolution, you can face disagreements with confidence and keep your personal and professional relationships strong and growing.

20. Understanding conflict in relationships
Conflict arises from differences. It occurs whenever people disagree over their values, motivations, perceptions, ideas, or desires. Sometimes these differences look trivial, but when a conflict triggers strong feelings, a deep personal need is at the core of the problem¾a need to feel safe and secure, a need to feel respected and valued, or a need for greater closeness and intimacy.
Conflicts arise from differing needs
Everyone needs to feel understood, nurtured, and supported, but the ways in which these needs are met vary widely. Differing needs for feeling comfortable and safe create some of the most severe challenges in our personal and professional relationships.
Think about the conflicting need for safety and continuity versus the need to explore and take risks. You frequently see this conflict between toddlers and their parents. The child’s need is to explore, so the street or the cliff meets a need. But the parents’ need is to protect the child’s safety, so limiting exploration becomes a bone of contention between them.
It is important to acknowledge that both parties’ needs play important roles in the long-term success of most relationships, and each deserves respect and consideration. In personal relationships, a lack of understanding about differing needs can result in distance, arguments, and break-ups. In workplace conflicts, differing needs are often at the heart of bitter disputes. When you can recognize the legitimacy of conflicting needs and become willing to examine them in an environment of compassionate understanding, it opens pathways to creative problem solving, team building, and improved relationships.

21. Conflict 101
A conflict is more than just a disagreement. It is a situation in which one or both parties perceive a threat (whether or not the threat is real).
Conflicts continue to fester when ignored. Because conflicts involve perceived threats to our well-being and survival, they stay with us until we face and resolve them.
We respond to conflicts based on our perceptions of the situation, not necessarily to an objective review of the facts. Our perceptions are influenced by our life experiences, culture, values, and beliefs.
Conflicts trigger strong emotions. If you aren’t comfortable with your emotions or able to manage them in times of stress, you won’t be able to resolve conflict successfully.
Conflicts are an opportunity for growth. When you’re able to resolve conflict in a relationship, it builds trust. You can feel secure, knowing your relationship can survive challenges and disagreements.

22. Healthy and unhealthy ways of managing and resolving conflict
Unhealthy responses to conflict:
Healthy responses to conflict
An inability to recognize and respond to the things that matter to the other person
Explosive, angry, hurtful, and resentful reactions
The withdrawal of love, resulting in rejection, isolation, shaming, and fear of abandonment
An inability to compromise or see the other person’s side.
The fear and avoidance of conflict; the expectation of bad outcomes
The capacity to recognize and respond to the things that matter to the other person
Calm, non-defensive, and respectful reactions
A readiness to forgive and forget, and to move past the conflict without holding resentments or anger
The ability to seek compromise and avoid punishing
A belief that facing conflict head is the best thing for both sides