1. Daryl Page, Christian Principals Association Conference September 19, 2014

2. SERVANT LEADER IN TRAINING

3. Principal Participatory Goal Setting VisionAccountability

4. SERVANT LEADER IN TRAINING Principal

5. ServesOthers Serving to accomplish agreed upon goals Participatory Goal Setting VisionAccountability

6. SERVANT LEADER IN TRAINING BASIC HUMAN NEEDS Security - Physical & Emotional Significance - Recognition / Understanding Dignity - Respect or at least save face. Control - Power & Decision-making Accomplishment - Achievement

7. JESUS SAID “FOLLOW ME” Be Authentic No one follows a hypocrite. Be true about your abilities and desires, Be Compassionate Compassion is empathy in action. Be Honest Honesty is the number one influence trait in surveys. JESUS SAID “FOLLOW ME”

8. Be Gentle We tend to think of influencers as charismatic, outgoing, and speak forcibly. Jesus’ first adjective to describe himself is “gentle” Matt 11:29.

9. CONFLICT IS… Competition between actual or perceived incompatible goals or limited resources. Conflict is neither good or bad. The positive or negative outcomes of a conflict are determined by how it was managed.

10. DESCRIBE WAYS IN WHICH YOU HAVE EXPERIENCED OR SEEN CONFLICT ESCALATE OR DEESCALATE. Conflict escalates when… Conflict deescalates when…

11. WHEN DOES A CONVERSATION BECOME CRUCIAL? When the stakes are high The result of this conversation is going to affect your tasks When opinions vary You have a different opinion than the person you are speaking with When emotions run strong

12. CRUCIAL CONVERSATIONS t We assume there is no need to talk t We assume we have the big picture t We assume that conflict self-dissolves t We assume that others aren’t affected Do not avoid crucial conversations by using email or voice mail

13. WHAT You should be able to 1. Take the time to unpack the problem 2. You have to decide what is bothering you the most. 3. We have to be concise. Can you distill the issue into a single sentence?

14. CONFLICT TIME LINE See and Tell a Story Feel Act Hear

15. TELLING OF THE STORY We are likely to come up with an unflattering story and act on it as if it were true. We Jump to Conclusions and Make Assumptions. Fundamental Attribution Error Have you ever noticed? Anybody going slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac.

16. CONFLICT HANDLING MODES KILMANN & THOMAS, 1977 Competing highly assertive & uncooperative Collaborating assertive & cooperative Comprimising mildly assertive & cooperative Avoiding highly unassertive & uncooperative Accomodating unassertive & highly cooperative

17. Concern for Self Your ideas Low High Concern for Others Low High Avoidance Competition Accommodate Collaboration Compromise

18. ROOTS OF CONFLICT Size and Intensity of Conflict is defined by expectations. Control perception of what is at stake. Define conflict as “here and now”. Look beyond the words. ä Identity / Core Values ä Underlying Interests ä Emotions / Expectations ä Dispute

19. SAFETY Create a Safety Valve. People will feel safer to discuss if they have control and can get out of it. e.g. “You know what I will have to think more about this and get back to you later.” Create a strategic delay. If you feel your emotions getting the better of you back up and return to the discussion when you are in more control.