1. Agenda: Turn in Persuasive Essay (if needed) Expository Elaboration Strategies Craft Expository Essay! Homework: Study Expository Elaboration Strategies to prepare for next week’s HSPE! HSPE Writing Day 1: Tues. 3/18; HSPE Writing Day 2: Wed. 3/19; HSPE Reading Test: Thurs. 3/20 10 th Grade English Tuesday 11 Mar. 2014

2. Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved. What does elaboration look like? 1. ANECDOTES (Personal Story) -- An anecdote is a short story inserted into an essay that develops an idea or argument. This sounds like... Hey, I remember the time when I had to carry my... Once when I was in middle school, the kids would always....

3. What does elaboration look like? Anecdote (Personal Story) Sentence Starters:  Once when I was in middle school,...  I remember when...  Last year,... Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved.

4. Develop your point with an anecdote. You can’t give up, Jack. I remember one time when I played on the high school baseball team. We were losing, and it was the 8th inning. Everyone was getting discouraged, and then the coach said, “BOYS! You’ve got to RALLY here! Turn your ball caps around and GET OUT THERE!” So, Jack, turn your ball cap – I mean ATTITUDE -- around and get out there!

5. Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved. Anecdotes: (personal stories) - your turn Consider your favorite time of year. Identify some stories you could use to weave into that essay. Select one story to share. Share this with your partner. Discuss the images in the anecdote that are vivid.

6. Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved. What does elaboration look like? 2. EXAMPLES -- provide more specific information about an idea. This sounds like... The cats were all acting like they were crazy. For example, one jumped at me … We had a barrage of different weather last week: hail, rain, snow, and sunshine. My brothers always seem to pick on me. For instance, they hide my soccer shoes before a game.

7. What does elaboration look like? Example Sentence Starters:  For example,...  For instance,... Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved.

8. Develop your point with an example. The game of golf can be played for an entire lifetime and by yourself. People of any age can go out and play a round of golf whenever they want as opposed to team sports. For example, football, soccer, and volleyball take an entire team of people to play. How many times are you going to call up ten or more of your friends and go play sports?

9. Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved. Examples - your turn Examples are an effective way to help the reader understand your ideas. Think about a hypothetical situation that would be a good example of why you love your particular time of year. Share it with your partner. Discuss: how do the examples help explain?

10. What does elaboration look like? 3. Cause/Effect--A way to explain why things happen and what happens as a result. Two Types: Cause and Effect and Cause and Effect Chain ( A causes B, B causes C and so on) When a student doesn’t do her homework, she doesn’t learn the material. When the material is not learned, her grades suffer. When her grades plummet, she gets grounded and cannot socialize with her friends!

11. What does elaboration look like? Cause/Effect Sentence Starters:  When … [x happens], [y results].  When _____ happens, then ______ follows. Once _____ [y] happens, then _________ [z] is caused.  For example, when students do their homework, then they get good grades. Once they have good grades, then they get full-ride scholarships to college! Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved.

12. Cause/Effect - your turn Consider your favorite time of year. Identify one positive cause/effect that happens during your favorite time of year. Share this cause/effect with your partner. Discuss why the cause/effect proves this is a great time of the year.

13. Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved. What does elaboration look like? 4. DESCRIPTIONS—are a way to create vivid images for the reader. The sound of my phone cut through the silent class, and I anxiously dug into my backpack to grab it before Mrs. Schuman, the writing teacher, noticed. Pawing through Chapstick, lipstick, gum wrappers and rubber hair wraps, my hand darted around the deep pockets of my backpack. “Must shut off ringer,”I thought.

14. What does elaboration look like? Description Sentence Starters:  The sound of...  In my hands, I could feel...  The smell of...  My eyes beheld...  The ____ taste of __________ For example, “The sweet taste of hot apple cider...” Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved.

15. Develop your point with description. Jackie walked slowly to the Vietnam Veterans’ Memorial exhibit. In her hands were two yellow daffodils that she had brought with her on the hour-long bus ride. Their green stems, snapped from the patch in the backyard, were slowly drying out.

16. Description - your turn Description can take many forms and still be effective. Show, don’t just tell, your reader. Be specific with your word choice. Try to create an image that appeals to your reader’s senses. Turn to your partner and explain the sensory details for your favorite time of year: 1. What does it look like? (sight) 2. What does it taste like? (taste) 3. What does it smell like? (smell) 4. What does it feel like? (touch) 5. What does it sound like? (sound)

17. 5. COMPARE AND CONTRAST: a way to show similarities and differences (compare/contrast) Example: The newly renovated gym has much more to offer than another gym. The building shines and displays its excellence with trophies and banners. Students take pride in their school now. The teachers care for their students because they put in extra time after school to organize activities to help students understand the benefits of getting the body into shape. The gym across town does not provide these extra services for students. ELABORATION COMPARE AND CONTRAST

18. What does elaboration look like? Compare/Contrast Sentence Starters:  ______ is much better than _____ because...  I prefer _______ over ________ because...  The amenities at _______ are superior to ___________’s because... Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved.

19. Compare/Contrast - your turn Consider your favorite time of year. Identify one reason why your favorite time of year is better than a different time of year. Share the compare/contrast with your partner. Discuss why the cause/effect proves why your favorite time of year is better than a different time of year.

20. 6. QUOTES: words someone says that can help support one’s ideas. Example: As a sub, you’ll want to assign homework. One student in my first period loudly declared, “Homework helps me remember what we’re learning, which keeps my brain cells from dying out!” So if you want students to recall what you’re teaching, and if you want their brains to be fully functioning (which I’m sure you do!), you should assign homework. ELABORATE WITH QUOTES

21. Expository Prompt New Student A new student is moving to your town and will soon begin his first day at your high school. Write a multiple-paragraph essay for the new student explaining what he will need to know to be successful. F? P? A? T?

22. Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved. Be specific. Your word choices do not have to be  Big words,  Fancy words,  Words from a thesaurus,  Single words, but can be phrases or clauses. Remember, to elaborate powerfully and effectively, you need to be SPECIFIC.

23. Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved. Explain the difference between these two sentences. Be specific. A. The room was a mess. B. Rumpled bedspread, piled up clothes, and a jumbled dresser greeted me as I pushed my way into the room.

24. Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved. Definition of telling and showing Telling is the use of broad generalizations. Showing is the use of details, facts, statistics, examples, anecdotes, quotations, description – elaboration – to develop, persuade, explain, or to enliven a story.

25. Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved. Show with Description White shirts are dumb. White shirts are hard to clean, show pizza stains, and make you look like a waiter in a cheesy restaurant.

26. Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved. Telling vs. Showing 1 There are many fascinating things to see at the Farmers’ Market, which has been around for a long time. Rows of tangerines, crisp red apples, long purple eggplants, and succulent strawberries invite the shopper to stop at every farmer’s stand. Many of the farmers in the Farmers’ Market have sold their home-grown vegetables and fruits since the early 1900’s when the market was the only place to buy fresh food in the city. Now the market has expanded to include bakeries, funky antique stores, and a comic book vendor. The market is a visual feast for tourists and a keepsake for our town.

27. What does elaboration look like? Example Sentence Starters:  For example,...  For instance,... Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved.

28. General vs. Specific Rewrite the sentence on the left, using specific and interesting language. School lunches are (good) (bad). Choose either side.

29. Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved. Showing Sentences - your turn With a partner, write several sentences that show rather than tell. The pumpkin rolled down the hill. The man in the car was angry. You should have been at the concert. The blue car won the race. The pizza was delicious.

30. Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved. Showing Sentences Select a narrowed topic of your own. Write a telling sentence on that topic. Write a paragraph or two that shows your telling sentence. Share with a partner.

31. Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved. Reflection If you had to explain today’s lesson to someone who could not attend class today and who also needs extra help, what would you tell them?

32. Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved. Agenda—Day 3 Discuss the Elaboration Scoring Guide and score two papers Practice with elaboration Score for elaboration Reflect

33. Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved. How to Score Elaboration Discuss the Elaboration Scoring Guide. Look at the examples on the following two slides and score them using the Elaboration Scoring Guide.

34. Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved. Gr 10 - Drama - student sample (Pre-lesson) Besides helping to forget the problems life throws at us for a while, acting is a fun learning experience. You get to pose as characters who are much different from yourself. You can be heroes or villains. Acting is also good because for a short period of time, you get to walk in someone else’s shoes. With acting, you can be whatever you like.

35. Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved. Gr 10 - Drama - student sample (Post-lesson) Besides helping to forget the problems life throws at us for a while, like bad grades on a test or fighting with your girlfriend, acting is a fun learning experience. You get to pose as characters who are much different from you, such as Vin Diesel, Ryan Atwood, or even Harry Potter. My friend Benjamin, who goes to Metro High School, had to play a really geeky guy in our school’s production of “Bye Bye Birdie.” Actually, he’s popular and plays drums in a band and could be a poster boy for Abercrombie. Acting is also good because for a short period of time, you get to walk in someone else’s shoes yourself. You can be an evil janitor, Martin Luther King, Jr., or a giant mouse. With acting you can be whatever you like.

36. Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved. Write to a prompt. Your teacher has learned that a 10th grade student from another state is moving to your area. Write a multiple-paragraph letter to the new student explaining what it is like to live in your community. Remember to Select and narrow a topic. Plan the organization of your paper. Use details and elaboration strategies. Show, don’t tell!

37. Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved. Score your papers. With a partner, read your papers and use the Elaboration Scoring Guide to score your elaboration. Highlight areas where you used details that show rather than tell.

38. Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved. Reflect. After assessing your paper, what did you learn about your ability to elaborate? How was the scoring guide helpful? Be specific. What do you think you should work on next? Put this onto your goal form as well.

39. Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved. Agenda– Day 4 Quick write Understand layering Identifying layering on the WASL Reflect

40. Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved. Quick Write Explain why you like candy or some other food. Elaborate. Use the Elaboration Strategies handout for ideas. When you are finished, highlight the elaboration strategies you used and identify them. Share the strategies you used with a partner.

41. Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved. Layering Elaboration A thoughtful writer... -Layers one sentence after another. -Each new sentence adds to or develops the thought …like rings around a bull’s-eye.

42. Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved. Lists vs. Layers Don’t add boring, list-like sentences just to make the paragraph longer. REMEMBER – length doesn’t always mean quality elaboration. List-like example - Having lots of choices is the reason why I eat at school. I love nachos. I like the pizza at school. Sometimes I order salad when I am feeling full. I have some favorite vegetables.

43. Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved. Layering sounds like Having lots of food choices is the reason why I like my school’s lunchroom. I can select my favorite foods for lunch everyday. I sometimes pick cheesy nachos with the melted cheese sauce smothered over the hot crispy chips. If I don’t want anything that greasy, like nachos or pizza, I can choose a “made-for-me” salad. This means I get to choose what goes on it and my favorite veggies, including olives, peppers, and tomatoes. The best thing is I can pick a food that fits my attitude that day. TOPIC

44. Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved. Another Layering Example Skiing down a Black Diamond run gives a rush like no other. What appears like a peaceful sport is really a contrast to the 50-mph feel of the wind in your face, waist-high moguls to weave in-and-out of while your thighs scream, “Stop!” With a wind-chill of minus 10, you still have sweat dripping under your long johns as your adrenaline pumps through your veins. You can’t wait to get to the bottom of the run and do it again.

45. Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved. More Practice with Layering On the WASL, students who had higher scores layered rather than listed their details. Look at the WASL examples and discuss in groups how listing is different from layering. Share with the large group.

46. Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved. Layering - your turn Choose one of the following two topics. Then write a paragraph practicing elaboration by layering each sentence and developing the main idea. 1. The parking lot at _______ High is where the real education takes place at school. 2. _______ is what I live for on the weekends.

47. Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved. Read for conventions.  Basic spelling (including homonyms)  Capitalization  Punctuation Periods (run-togethers), apostrophes (possessives), commas, question marks especially in rhetorical questions  Subject-verb agreement, particularly number agreement with “their” (pronoun referents and verb agreement)  Complete sentences  Paragraphing  Conventions on your own personal list in your folder

48. Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved. Reflection Look at the Quick Write you wrote at the beginning of this class today. What kinds of elaboration strategies did you use? Can you find evidence of layering? Underline a sentence that you could change in which you could add some layered details.

49. Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved. Agenda -- Day 5 Write to a WASL expository prompt Read for conventions Compare with WASL Scoring Guides Reflect

50. Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved. Remember Use what you’ve already learned about  choosing a topic  narrowing the topic  organizing your ideas  checking for convention s

51. Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved. Remember Use what you’ve already learned about  elaboration,  showing vs. telling,  layering,  using specific details.

52. Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved. Write On Demand Write to this prompt. You have been asked to choose one or two items that will show what life is like in your high school in 2005. The one or two items will be placed in a time capsule, a container that will be assembled, buried, and then opened sometime in the future. Write a multiple-paragraph letter to your school board identifying the one or two items and explain why you have selected them. You may use a commercially published thesaurus and/or dictionary in print form.

53. Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved. Read for conventions.  Basic spelling (including homonyms)  Capitalization  Punctuation Periods (run-togethers), apostrophes (possessives), commas, question marks especially in rhetorical questions  Subject-verb agreement, particularly number agreement with “their” (pronoun referents and verb agreement)  Complete sentences  Paragraphing  Conventions on your own personal list in your folder

54. Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved. Compare with WASL Scoring Guides. Review the WASL Scoring Guide and Expository Checklist. Write.  What did you do well?  What is still a challenge?

55. Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved. Compare with WASL Scoring Guides, continued Now have a partner identify and discuss  What were the areas of strength?  In what areas could the paper be stronger? On your own  Score your own paper.  What score did you earn, and why?

56. Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved. Reflection Today you experienced writing in a testing situation.  What different approaches to choosing, narrowing, and organizing a topic did you try?  How have you improved?  What kinds of elaboration did you try and what kinds do you still need to work on? Add these to your goal form.

57. Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved. Feedback, please We welcome your comments. Please feel free to try these lessons and send feedback to Nikki Elliott-Schuman at nelliott@ospi.wednet.edu. We appreciate your labeling the subject line as Feedback: OSPI Instructional Support Materials. nelliott@ospi.wednet.edu