1. Let’s improve our writing together!

2.   Introduction paragraphs MUST include  A hook/general introductory line.  Transitional sentence connecting your hook to your textual subject.  A sentence introducing your novel and author  Your thesis statement Introduction Reminders

3.  IIntroductory paragraphs should not include first or second person. IIntroductory paragraphs need to be MORE THAN THREE SENTENCES Continued…

4.   Thesis: In the novel 1984 George Orwell implies that people are not truly alive if they are not free individuals.  Introductory sentence/Thematic opening sentence: Today it seems every popular comic book movie features a villain who is bent on world domination.  Complete paragraph: People often express their desire to truly feel alive. Obviously, since they need be breathing to speak, they are already living when they say this. However, people in general see living life as much more than just going through the motions of existence. According to most modern thinking being truly alive means being actively engaged in the pursuit of one’s personal dreams and goals. Conversely, not being able to do such things is tantamount to death. The seminal novel 1984 contains a profound statement on this issue. Further, the novel reveals the tragic consequences of being denied such individual freedom. In his novel 1984 George Orwell implies that people are not truly alive if they are not free individuals. Example

5.   Topic sentences MUST include  Transitions  Connection to thesis  Clear focus Sample Thesis: Thesis: In the novel 1984 George Orwell implies that people are not truly alive if they are not free individuals. Ex. Although physically alive, it is only after he discovers his journal and begins documenting his personal feelings that the Winston Smith begins to feel truly alive. Topic Sentences

6.   Make sure that you do not use a pronoun without an antecedent when discussing a main character.  Correct Ex. Upon finding a journal and documenting his feelings, Winston begins to understand what it truly means to feel alive. Warnings On Topic Sentences

7.   Do not just include PLOT SUMMARY  AVOID THE FOLLOWING: First, in the novel 1984 Winston Smith finds a journal and starts documenting his personal feelings. Warning 2

8.   Remember it is always important to maintain clarity when writing a sentence.  Though it is great to always strive for the highest academic style, always make sure that you never sacrifice clarity in the process. Awkward Sentences

9.   In the story mainly the first paragraph is the same, and does not differ until the second when they talk about victory and the other defeat.  Problem: Needs to be more concise. Incorrect use of comma.  Fixed sentence: While both stories explore victorious moments, one story also explores the sorrows of defeat. Examples of Awk. Sentences

10.   Awkward Sentence: Unlike each poem’s similarities, they also have many great aspects in differences towards each one.  Problems: Clarity and clunky wording. Consider if the adjective “great” is truly necessary.  Sample Revision: Though the poems bear striking similarities, they are ultimately very different.  Sample Revision 2: Though aspects of each poem are similar, the poems are actually quite different. Continued

11.   Example: One difference is the perspective of which the narrator.  Problem: “of which” and clarity  Revision: One difference is that the poems feature different perspectives. Continued…

12.   Awkward Example: “In Flanders Field” is a battlefield.  Problem: Incorrect phrasing that lacks clarity.  Correction: The poem “In Flanders Field” is about a battlefield. Continued

13.   Example: Like if the parents are evil and they spoil the kid, the kid will be a brat and evil like their parents.  Problem: Awkward, wordy sentence structure  Revised: For instance, if parents set a poor example for their children, or even spoil them, they can end up teaching their children to behave poorly.  Revised 2: For example, if parents are cruel or unkind, they could teach their children such traits. Continued…

14.   Awkward Sentence: For example, the book displays the theme that people who behave in wrong actions can harm society in which they will make worse.  Problem: Wordy, awkward, lacks clarity, needs to give credit to the author not the novel  Revision: For example, the author explores how people’s bad behavior can harm society.  Revision 2: For example, the novel features examples of how people’s bad behavior can cause harm to society. Independent Practice

15.   The setting is set with a community of people who are restricted with handicaps and shows how people are blinded by the government  Throughout the years, individualism not only separates one from another, but also helps people create new things  Many people in modern society are so influenced in being like a famous person, and most of the times they do not even get there.  Once, long ago, society did compete with one another trying to progress and be better than one another. Continued

16.   Please make sure you always proofread your paper for errors.  Utilize spell check.  The following are errors that must be STOPPED IMMEDIATELY Grammar Reminders

17.   Only capitalize proper nouns and the first letter in the first word of each sentences.  These errors are simply not permissible in 10 CP.  Example of this error: In The movie Bend It Like Beckham the main character jess goes through A lot of Problems.  Correct version: In the movie Bend It Like Beckham the main character Jess goes through a lot of problems.  NO MORE RANDOM CAPITALIZATION Capitalization Errors

18.   Which of the following words would you capitalize NO MATTER WHERE they fall in a sentence?  Dog, cat, the, this, you, i, at, jeff, barry, the lord of the flies  Revise the following sentence: I went to THE movies with my best friend gary, But when We got there the Movie was already Sold Out.  Corrected Version: I went to the movies with my best friend Gary, but when we got there the movie was already sold out. Independent Practice

19.   Unless I tell you specifically you may not use first or second person in your papers.  Avoid the following examples: We, you, I, us, we, our, etc.  Rewrite the sentences as statements rather than personal statements. First and Second Person

20.   In his novel, the author really shows you how important it is to save your money.  Corrected Version: In his novel, the authors show how important it is to save money. Continued

21.   Do not include contractions.  Write out the whole word.  For example: Do not instead of don’t; you are instead of you’re; have not instead of haven’t. Contractions

22.  We’re almost done!

23.   Every sentence must have a complete subject and predicate.  For example: Every time we go to the movies.  Revised: Every time we go to the movies I have fun.  Fragment: On the way to the balloon factory.  Revised: On the way to the balloon factory, we got a flat tire. Fragments

24.   You can’t combine two complete two complete sentences with a comma.  Barry went home, he felt sick.  Revised: Barry went home because he felt sick. Run on’s

25.   Remember these tips as we write! Summary