1. Style in Business Writing

2. Elements of style 1.Be simple and concise 2.Proofread 3.Show your audience they are important: use “you” and “your” 4.Sound POSITIVE 5.Eliminate racist or sexist bias

3. 1. Be concise and simple: Redundant Have need of For the purpose of The amount of $38.50 Period of time Red in colour The city of Winnipeg Clear and Simple Need For $38.50 time red Winnipeg

4. Do exercise on page 27 (just the first 6).

5. 1. Use concrete words (these are words that mean something that exists in the material world – not an abstract thing or quality that you can’t see) Avoid these words: situation aspect position concept basis factor

6. Examples: POOR The development of the staffing situation is proceeding quite well. IMPROVED Three caseworkers have joined our staff. POOR The position will soon be reached where all vacancies will have been filled. IMPROVED Soon all vacancies will be filled.

7. 2. Spelling, Grammar, and Punctuation A letter with errors will leave a poor impression of the writer’s competence.

8. Examples: My supervisor dismissed the report I had written with a joke. Never give an Apple to a baby that hasn’t been peeled.

9. 3. Focus on your audience by using a “you-centred” tone. What we do at work involves the active cooperation of other people. We want people to become involved.

10. Examples: POOR We are enclosing some information on our new conference facilities. IMPROVED You will find enclosed some information describing the new conference facilities available for your group. POOR We are open Thursday and Friday nights until nine. IMPROVED You can use the drop-in centre until 9pm on Thursday and Friday nights. Please complete exercises a-e (starting on page 35) as a group.

11. 4. Create a positive impression a) Avoid these words: deny reject impossible incompetent ignorant fault fail complaint

12. Examples: POOR Your complaint has been forwarded to the payroll office. IMPROVED Your concerns have been forwarded to the payroll office. POOR I must refuse your request for a leave of absence. IMPROVED A leave of absence cannot be granted. Please complete the 3 examples on page 39. Then, read a little further and complete examples #3. a-e on page 40.

13. 5. Eliminate sexist and racist bias in writing and speaking Effective communication requires respect between speaker/writer and audience. People cannot work together productively with customers/clients if they do not feel mutually valued as individuals, regardless of age, sex, race, disability, or any other characteristic. If we are thoughtless in our language, we may jeopardize their necessary trust.

14. (a) Racism Do not allude to someone’s racial or ethnic origin unless it is relevant to the matter at hand. POOR: A Chinese woman came into the store. IMPROVED: A customer came into the store. Do not give the impression that all or most people from a similar racial or ethnic background share similar characteristics, even if they are positive ones. POOR: As an Asian, Julie has adapted quickly to the new computer system. IMPROVED: Julie has adapted quickly to the new computer system.

15. (b) Sexism Try to treat men and women equally in writing and speaking. Do not identify women by marital and family status or by appearance unless these are relevant considerations. And avoid saying ‘lady.’ POOR: Vivian Tam, a mother of two, is head of quality control. Tom Rossi, a systems analyst, is joining our department. IMPROVED: Vivian Tam, a graduate engineer, is head of quality control. Tom Rossi, a systems analyst, is joining our department.

16. Use the correct form of address. POOR Tom and Mrs. Tam IMPROVED Tom and Vivian or Mr. Rossi and Mrs. Tam *Do not assume a married woman has her husband’s last name or uses the courtesy title “Mrs.”! If you are unsure, use a woman’s full name if you have used the man’s full name.* POOR Bill Rivers and his wife Laura IMPROVED Bill Rivers and his wife Laura Rivers

17. Watch for words ending in “- man.” Use words like “firefighter” rather than “fireman”. Please complete exercises on page 45-46

18. Do not draw attention to a person’s sex unless it is relevant. POOR: Jackie Brown, our leading woman sales rep, will be taking over… IMPROVED: Jackie Brown, our leading sales rep, will be taking over… As a group, complete the following exercises on pages 48- 49: #1. a-d and #2. a-g