1. Definition: The process of ending a conflict by cooperating and problem solving

2. “I” Statements 1. Read page 264 and answer question #2 on page 269 in your conflict resolution notes AND 1. Describe in a few sentences a situation you witnessed or took part in that involved violence or the potential for violence

3. Preventing Conflict Tolerance  Accepting others’ differences & allowing them to be who they are without expressing disapproval

4. Solving a Conflict Negotiation  Process in which compromising is used to reach agreement Talking, listening, considering other person’s point of view, compromising No blaming BEFORE YOU CAN NEGOTIATE 1. Make sure issue is important to you 2. Check the facts 3. Remember, the goal is to find a solution 4. Practice what you say

5. Why Use I Statements? anger You statements violence hate I statements 1.Promotes effective communication and avoids the escalation of a negative situation. 2.Discuss situations with a person you are upset with. 3.Prevents the person from having a reason to become defensive when discussing the situation. Might prevent the argument from becoming physical. 4.The purpose is to take responsibility for your feelings because only you control your feelings.

6. EXAMPLE OF WHY… Parents won’t let you out past 10 I feel frustrated when I can’t go out after 10 because I’ve been well behaved. I want to try and compromise. Would you consider letting me stay out until 11 if I call you at 10 and 10:30? Instead of: I’m mad when you don’t let me stay out because everyone else is allowed to, why can’t I stay out?!

7. Guidelines 1. Tell what has happened and how you feel. 2. Start all of your statements with “I”. 3. Avoid the word “you”, “always/never”, swearing or other aggressive terms. 4. Tell the person how your anger involves him/her. 5. Discuss what you think will reduce your anger and how the other person can help you. 6. Provide a solution. If possible, the solution should be a compromise. 7. DO NOT REPEAT YOURSELF example: I’d like to not be made fun of Would you consider not making fun of me

8. Other Considerations Tone of Voice Your tone of voice is important to consider. Having a sincere, assertive (but not aggressive or passive) tone of voice may make the difference in whether or not the situation is resolved. Body Language Make sure not to point your finger at the person. Think of ways to show the person you want to solve the problem through body language.

9. How to Avoid “You”… When you keep bothering me When I am distracted Because you always make me Because I’m made to Turn it into…

10. Will They Always Work? No  You can’t control other people But…  You’ve tried your best to resolve conflict in an assertive way  Helps your self-esteem Feel good  Might make the person think more about situation  Didn’t escalate problem Add to the fire

11. How to Use an I Statement It is a verbal message! I feel _ identify a feeling (Use a feeling word: upset, let down, sad, disappointed) __ when __ describe the situation in detail & avoid YOU____ because __ Explain feelings and how it affects you (sympathy line: “it is important to me.” “it hurts my feelings.”)______. I’d like/I want __ ideas of what to say here: fix our misunderstanding, talk about this tonight, compromise, to be friends again… (NO YOU) __. Would you consider __ an idea/solution/compromise to fix/improve the conflict. It must be specific & something both people would agree to. _______ Identify feelings and situation Give an example solution (compromise) Think about what the other person would want… put yourself in their shoes. DON’T REPEAT YOURSELF!!

12. Responding to Conflicts 1. Aggressive  Bully 2. Assertive  Leader High self esteem Admits mistakes 3. Passive  Follower “You” statements  Nothing solved  Have to get THEIR way “I” statements  Best chance of resolution  Willing to compromise & say sorry Little/nothing said  Nothing solved, give in  Don’t stick up for yourself TB 306-307

13. Example Conflicts Getting picked on by classmates or friends Seeing someone else get picked on Chores Computer usage Girl/boyfriend wants to spend every day with you Not allowed to go somewhere Clothes/hair Curfew Cell phone (bill…) A person is saying “you’re stupid.” You have more chores than your brother/sister. Your girlfriend/boyfriend wants to spend every day with you. You’re being picked on for being small. Your parents will not let you go to a school dance. You don’t like that a friend of yours keeps making fun at you. Your parents won’t let you wear certain clothes on the weekend or do your hair a certain way.

14. TRUE / FALSE 1. T/F The word “you” is considered an assertive term. 2. T/F I statements are only shared with the friends of the person you are upset with. 3. T/F I statements prevent people from trying to guess why you are mad. 4. T /F Passive individuals always have to get their way. 5. T /F A compromise is when both people are comfortable with a solution to a problem. 6. T/F I statements should involve a compromise. 7. T/F Assertive people use a sincere tone of voice when discussing an issue. 8. T/F Tolerance is accepting others differences without expressing disapproval. 9. T/F I statements are always effective in solving conflicts. 10. T/F You have no control over how the other person responds in a conflict situation. ANSWERS: F,F,T,F,T,T,T,T,F,T