1. Communication and Emotions Emotions, Thinking and Feeling

2. Emotions Recognize your feelings Relaxation Techniques We cannot Not communicate Think about how you will describe your feelings Concrete vs. Abstract language Words don’t mean, people mean Share multiple feelings Boosters and busters Recognize the difference between Feeling/ Talking/ Acting Self-fulfilling prophesies Accept responsibility for your feelings I – Statements Consider when and where to express your feelings Perception Checking Paraphrasing/Requesting feedback Communication is Irreversible Appointment to listen Mirroring

3. Guidelines for Expressing Your Feelings Select a current interpersonal situation that brings up some very strong emotions that are troubling you. If you are currently not in such a situation, choose such a situation that you recently experienced. 1. Describe the situation in terms of a.who, b.what, c.where, d.when, e.how and f.with what result to you. Mainly, give the background you need to clearly understand what happened and how it caused you suffering.

4. Guidelines for Expressing Your Feelings 2. Recognizing your emotional feelings, write down the first emotional feeling you experienced that comes to your mind.

5. Guidelines for Expressing Your Feelings 3. The feeling that you expressed isn’t the only one you may have experienced. Expand your emotional vocabulary by looking at the Table of Common Human Emotions. Select 3 other emotions from the table and list them as complete statements, ie, “I feel puzzled.” (Leave 2- lines space after each addition.)

7. Guidelines for Expressing Your Feelings 4. For each emotional feeling that you listed, go back and describe a physical reaction that you experienced. “I feel puzzled and my head was a little dizzy.”

8. Guidelines for Expressing Your Feelings 5. Accept responsibility for each the of the four listed feelings by writing something like, “I feel puzzled and my head gets dizzy when you ask me to meet you for coffee and then you are busy with someone else.”

9. Guidelines for Expressing Your Feelings 6. Be mindful of your communication channels and describe what might have been communicated by you nonverbally. Please write about one of these behaviors, also consider anything that might have happened unintentionally.

10. Guidelines for Expressing Your Feelings 7. Rule out each of the Fallacies that lead to Debilitative Emotions. For each of the following, briefly describe why that fallacy is or is not a cause for your debilitating emotion. a. The Fallacy of Perfection b. The Fallacy of Approval c. The Fallacy of Shoulds d. The Fallacy of Overgeneralization e. The Fallacy of Causation f. The Fallacy of Helplessness g. The Fallacy of Catastrophic Expectations

11. Guidelines for Expressing Your Feelings 8. List the FOUR steps to minimize Debilitative Emotions. a. Monitor Your Emotional Reactions. Indicate when you first noticed this emotional reaction. What were the first physical reactions you noticed?

12. Guidelines for Expressing Your Feelings 8. List the FOUR steps to minimize Debilitative Emotions. b. Note the Activating Event. After your awareness of the reaction, describe the Activating Event. In some cases, instead of one event, there might have been a series of events each building to the next.

13. Guidelines for Expressing Your Feelings 8. List the FOUR steps to minimize Debilitative Emotions. c. Record Your Self-Talk. Analyze your thoughts that link your activating event and your emotion.

14. Guidelines for Expressing Your Feelings 8. List the FOUR steps to minimize Debilitative Emotions. d. Reappraise Your Irrational Beliefs. Replace the self-defeating self-talk with constructive thinking

15. Guidelines for Expressing Your Feelings 9. How do you feel different now about the troubling experience than when you began this exercise.