1. 1-2-3 Magic Effective Discipline for Children 2-12 1 Effective Discipline for Children 2-12

2. 1-2-3 Magic Effective Discipline for Children 2-12 2 Who is Thomas Phelan? Member of the American Psychological Association and the Illinois Psychological Association. Dr. Phelan received his Doctorate from Loyola University, Chicago Nationally renowned author and lecturer Father of two children

3. 1-2-3 Magic Effective Discipline for Children 2-12 3 Other Programs by Thomas W. Phelan, Ph.D. Surviving Your Adolescents: How to Manage and Let Go Of Your 13-18 Year Olds Self-Esteem Revolutions in Children: Understanding and Managing the Critical Transitions in Your Child’s Life All About Attention Deficit Disorder: Symptoms: Diagnosis and Treatments - Children and Adults

4. 1-2-3 Magic Effective Discipline for Children 2-12 4 Other Programs by Thomas W. Phelan, Ph.D. Adults with Attention Deficit Disorder: Essential Information for ADD Adults I Never Get ANYTHING! How to Keep your Kids from Running Your Life

5. 1-2-3 Magic Effective Discipline for Children 2-12 5 Coming Soon! Training Manual/Presentation Package for 1-2-3 Magic and Surviving Your Adolescents DVDs Contact ParentMagic Inc. for product information, prices and ordering at: www.parent-magic.com 800-442-4453 8:30AM-5:00 PM CT

6. 1-2-3 Magic Effective Discipline for Children 2-12 6 Welcome to 1-2-3 MAGIC

7. 1-2-3 Magic Effective Discipline for Children 2-12 7 Who can use 1-2-3 MAGIC? * Parents * Grandparents * Nannies * Sitters * Teachers

8. 1-2-3 Magic Effective Discipline for Children 2-12 8 Part I Straight Thinking

9. 1-2-3 Magic Effective Discipline for Children 2-12 9 1-2-3 MAGIC WHAT IS THE PROBLEM?

10. 1-2-3 Magic Effective Discipline for Children 2-12 10 What Is The Problem? Kids don’t come with a training manual. They are either doing what you don’t want them to do. Or they are not doing what you do want them to do.

11. 1-2-3 Magic Effective Discipline for Children 2-12 11 START BEHAVIOR and STOP BEHAVIOR When you are having problems with your kids, they are either 1) doing something you would like them to stop or 2) not doing something you would like them to start!

12. 1-2-3 Magic Effective Discipline for Children 2-12 12 For STOP BEHAVIORS Such As: Arguing Fighting Screaming Tantrums Teasing Whining You will use the “Counting” procedure.

13. 1-2-3 Magic Effective Discipline for Children 2-12 13 Little Adult Assumption Words and reason will not always work Often lead to the Talk-Persuade- Argue-Yell-Hit Syndrome Think of yourself as a wild animal trainer

14. 1-2-3 Magic Effective Discipline for Children 2-12 14 The Wild Animal Trainer Objective: Choose a training method Repeat it until it works If done correctly, you will get results

15. 1-2-3 Magic Effective Discipline for Children 2-12 15 The TWO BIGGEST Mistakes Parents Make Too Much Talking & Too Much Emotion

16. 1-2-3 Magic Effective Discipline for Children 2-12 16 Part II Controlling Obnoxious Behavior

17. 1-2-3 Magic Effective Discipline for Children 2-12 17. Too Much Talking is a problem because it either does not work or it takes you through the Talk-Persuade- Argue-Yell-Hit-Syndrome. Too Much Emotion is a problem because the child enjoys the power that comes with getting a parent upset.

18. 1-2-3 Magic Effective Discipline for Children 2-12 18 Too Much Talking Can Be Destructive “When children are little they feel inferior, because they are. This lessness bugs them a lot.” Dr. Thomas Phelan

19. 1-2-3 Magic Effective Discipline for Children 2-12 19 Frequently Asked Questions What do you do if the child counts you back? What if there is a problem between children but you didn’t see what happened? How long do you take between counts? If a child hits 1 or 2, does he stay at that count for the rest of the day? My child has a fit when I try to drop him off at preschool! Does the room have to be a sterile environment?

20. 1-2-3 Magic Effective Discipline for Children 2-12 20 Frequently Asked Questions Can you count different misbehaviors to get to 3? Can you ever ignore anything? What if you have other people over? Can you use a time-out chair instead of a room? What if the child won’t stay in his room? What if the child won’t come out?

21. 1-2-3 Magic Effective Discipline for Children 2-12 21 Frequently Asked Questions Help-my kids go nuts when I am on the phone!! Does being counted hurt the child’s self-esteem? What if the kid wrecks the room during the “rest period”? What if your child urinates on the floor during the time out? Should you ever spank a child? Why give kids three chances to misbehave? Shouldn’t the kids ever apologize?

22. 1-2-3 Magic Effective Discipline for Children 2-12 22 The Following Problems Require Some Minor Modifications Pouting Passive behavior designed to make a parent feel guilty. Walk away and ignore the behavior. If the child is an “aggressive pouter” and follows the parent around, use counting.

23. 1-2-3 Magic Effective Discipline for Children 2-12 23 The Following Problems Require Some Minor Modifications Sibling Rivalry Count both kids Never ask “What happened?” or “Who started it?” Don’t expect the older child to be more mature. Don’t send both fighting kids to the same room.

24. 1-2-3 Magic Effective Discipline for Children 2-12 24 The 1-2-3 Method First, you will use the 1-2-3, or counting method, to deal with STOP behaviors. The following is a list of some typical STOP behaviors. Arguing FightingWhining YellingTantrums Etc.

25. 1-2-3 Magic Effective Discipline for Children 2-12 25 The 1-2-3 Method Second, after you hear how to do the 1-2-3, you are likely to become skeptical. You may say “This is too easy.” 1-2-3 is simple, but not always easy. It is very powerful if you follow the “No-Talking, No-Emotion Rules.”

26. 1-2-3 Magic Effective Discipline for Children 2-12 26 No Magic in 1-2-3 Magic “It represents the careful, logical and persistent extension of certain common-sense ideas and behavioral principles in the discipline and training of children.” Dr. Thomas Phelan

27. 1-2-3 Magic Effective Discipline for Children 2-12 27 Remember: No Talking and No Emotion. When the behavior occurs the parent holds up 1 finger and says,“That’s 1.” Parent waits 5 seconds to see if the behavior continues. Using The Counting Method To Stop Obnoxious Behavior

28. 1-2-3 Magic Effective Discipline for Children 2-12 28 Remember: No Talking and No Emotion. If the behavior continues, the parent holds up two fingers and says “That’s 2.” Parent waits 5 seconds to see if the behavior continues. Using The Counting Method To Stop Obnoxious Behavior

29. 1-2-3 Magic Effective Discipline for Children 2-12 29 Remember: No Talking and No Emotion. If the behavior continues, the parent holds up three fingers and says. “That’s 3, take 5.” Using The Counting Method To Stop Obnoxious Behavior

30. 1-2-3 Magic Effective Discipline for Children 2-12 30 The Automatic 3 When the child does something very bad it becomes an “Automatic” 3 Examples Hitting Spitting Offensive language Biting

31. 1-2-3 Magic Effective Discipline for Children 2-12 31 Questions About Time Out How long should the rest period be? What happens when the rest period is over? What if the child does something right after the rest period is over? What if the child never stops until I get to the count of 2?

32. 1-2-3 Magic Effective Discipline for Children 2-12 32 Who Is Responsible? The child is responsible for his own behavior But too much talking takes the child’s focus off of good behavior and places it on the possibility of a good fight!

33. 1-2-3 Magic Effective Discipline for Children 2-12 33 What’s Good About The 1-2-3 Discipline is less exhausting Your authority is not negotiable The punishment is brief It’s easy to learn

34. 1-2-3 Magic Effective Discipline for Children 2-12 34 The Kickoff Conversation Explain the 1-2-3 and what to expect after each count and what happens after a time-out. Get ready for the Six Kinds of Testing and Manipulation.

35. 1-2-3 Magic Effective Discipline for Children 2-12 35 Part III No Child Will Thank You

36. 1-2-3 Magic Effective Discipline for Children 2-12 36 The Six Kinds of Testing Manipulation 1. Badgering 2. Intimidation 3. Threat 4. Martyrdom 5. Butter Up 6. Physical Tactics

37. 1-2-3 Magic Effective Discipline for Children 2-12 37 The $64,000 Question Does your child have a favorite tactic? What does “it works” mean? Do it right What to expect

38. 1-2-3 Magic Effective Discipline for Children 2-12 38 The Major/Minor System Major offenses - Stealing - Fighting - Breaking a valuable item - Playing with fire - Coming home more than 3 hours late Medium offenses - Coming home less than 3 hours late - Lying Minor offenses - Coming home less than 1 hour late - Breaking something valued at less than $10

39. 1-2-3 Magic Effective Discipline for Children 2-12 39 Consequences Major Consequences - 7 days grounding - $10 fine or pay back double the value of stolen article - No TV or computer for two weeks - 8 hours work around the house Medium offenses - Three days grounding in room - $5 fine - 4 hours of chores Minor offenses - One hour grounding in room - $2 fine - 2 hours of chores

40. 1-2-3 Magic Effective Discipline for Children 2-12 40 Lying There are two kinds of lying: 1. To impress others and build one’s ego 2. To get out of or avoid trouble

41. 1-2-3 Magic Effective Discipline for Children 2-12 41 Part IV Encouraging Good Behavior

42. 1-2-3 Magic Effective Discipline for Children 2-12 42 For START BEHAVIORS Such As : Eating Doing homework Going to bed Cleaning rooms Getting up and out in the morning You will have a choice of seven tactics or combinations of them.

43. 1-2-3 Magic Effective Discipline for Children 2-12 43 These Seven Tactics Are: 1. Positive Reinforcement 2. Simple Request 3. Kitchen Timer 4. The Docking System 5. Natural Consequences 6. Charting 7. The 1-2-3 special applications

44. 1-2-3 Magic Effective Discipline for Children 2-12 44 Up and Out in the Morning For the little ones: Praise Charting Timer For the older kids:Their job Their responsibility Their consequences

45. 1-2-3 Magic Effective Discipline for Children 2-12 45 Homework and Practicing Don’t NAG! Be consistent. Pick a start time that works for you AND your child, then stick with it. No TV… music is O.K.

46. 1-2-3 Magic Effective Discipline for Children 2-12 46 Homework and Practicing (cont.) Natural Consequences An Assignment Sheet The PNP Method The Rough Checkout Charting

47. 1-2-3 Magic Effective Discipline for Children 2-12 47 Cleaning Rooms 1. Close the door and don’t look. 2. The weekly cleanup routine. 3. Daily charting. 4. The kitchen timer.

48. 1-2-3 Magic Effective Discipline for Children 2-12 48 Eating 1. You are not required to eat together at every meal. 2. Try using a timer to start your meal. 3. Stay on your toes with kids who do not finish their dinner but want dessert.

49. 1-2-3 Magic Effective Discipline for Children 2-12 49 Bedtime Basic Bedtime Method Set a bedtime and stick with it. Check if ready for bed. Ensure that all needs are met. Getting out of bed.

50. 1-2-3 Magic Effective Discipline for Children 2-12 50 Nighttime Waking 1. Accept some periodic waking. 2. No Talking and No Emotion. 3. Assume the child may have to use the bathroom. 4. Be gentle and quiet.

51. 1-2-3 Magic Effective Discipline for Children 2-12 51 Nighttime Waking (cont.) 5. NO lights. 6. Don’t go to the child’s room unless you have to. 7. Don’t let the child sleep with you on a regular basis.

52. 1-2-3 Magic Effective Discipline for Children 2-12 52 What To Do In Public If in doubt, don’t take them out. Use alternative time out locations: bathrooms, corner of a store, car, front of a store etc. Set expectations and possible reward system up front. Keep moving if child is having a tantrum.

53. 1-2-3 Magic Effective Discipline for Children 2-12 53 Riding in the Car Short Trips: What to do at 3 - No talking - Pull over to side of road - Money taken off allowance Long Trips: - Earn spending money - Games - VCR Don’t leave on a long vacation without putting on your thinking cap.

54. 1-2-3 Magic Effective Discipline for Children 2-12 54 The Family Meeting “When the kids are little, your house should be a dictatorship, when they are 17 it should be almost a democracy.” Dr. Thomas Phelan Why should I have a family meeting? How do I run the meeting?

55. 1-2-3 Magic Effective Discipline for Children 2-12 55 SLIPPING Short Term Slipping Long Term Slipping Causes:Just plain time Visitors Illness Travel New babies

56. 1-2-3 Magic Effective Discipline for Children 2-12 56 Part V Your Child’s Self Esteem

57. 1-2-3 Magic Effective Discipline for Children 2-12 57 10 Steps For Building Self-Esteem 1. Get real 2. Manage the two “Curses” - The “Thinking” Curse - The “Action” Curse 3. Good discipline is basic 4. Treat any problems 5. Positive reinforcement

58. 1-2-3 Magic Effective Discipline for Children 2-12 58 10 Steps For Building Self-Esteem (cont.) 6. Shared fun 7. Plain old affection 8. Expertise building 9. Non-Evaluation 10. Active listening

59. 1-2-3 Magic Effective Discipline for Children 2-12 59 Active Listening What is Active Listening? Openers Non-judgmental questions Reflecting feelings Perception checks

60. 1-2-3 Magic Effective Discipline for Children 2-12 60 Active Listening and Counting When to count? When to listen? Listen to problems Count attacks

61. 1-2-3 Magic Effective Discipline for Children 2-12 61 The Payoff Now that you know what the 1-2-3 is all about, you are ready to get started. You will be in good company! You can expect RESULTS. You can expect less arguing and yelling. The 1-2-3 works… IF YOU DO IT!!