1. 2003 AFL BROWNLOW MEDAL Bizzo’s and Blokes – Heater’s Brownlow Medal Commentary

2. I think Akkers has done as well as he could’ve with this one.

3. Barker and partner – without a doubt – a golddigger.

4. Black from Brisbane – not a lot needs to be said here – impressive package.

5. Dean Laidley appears to have followed in the footsteps of Mark Waugh and taken the ugliest bird on earth - unless that's his mum. Is that Tracy Bartram??

6. Don't they have peroxide in Western Australia??

7. Bulger and Nixon... ah Livinia, if only your chest was made of Silicon - they look like a couple of mosquito bites.

8. David Neitz and (as per Crown Casino's instructions) his designated driver.

9. What does she charge per hour Brendan?

10. Lost - 1 Mardis Gras float.

11. Mental note: I need a haircut and my missus needs a push up bra.

12. Hazleby and bizzo - yeah, nice chassis on this one - a stint on Foxtel's "Living with Footballers" will do her a world of good.

13. C'MMMMOOOOONNNNNNNNNNNN

14. I know he's married with kids and can spend a little less on personal maintenance – but Christ, it looks like Hirdy just ran with the bulls in Pamplona

15. Keating and bizzo - both in desparate need of an Oprah makeover...

16. Leah hudson tries out for Abba

17. Justin Leppitsch - proof that blokes with red pubes can rise above the rest.

18. Lloydy and wifey... good to see she's giving the bridesmaid dress a second run.

19. Scott Lucas and wife - god she looks like Anne Fullwood... way too many teeth in that mouth.

20. Scott Mitchell and Partner - hands down the hottest chick in attendance as far as I'm concerned. I hear later on she awarded him a Norwich RISING Star Award of a different kind...

21. Collingwood (??) footballer Nathan Brown - return that tie to my uncle when you're done with it.

22. No idea who this guy is - but nice of him to take his ugly sister - I hear she once dated Gotchy - they met at Doncaster Shoppingtown Over 28's

23. Russell Robertson - ah ah ah ah staying alive, staying alive....

24. Scarlett and jail bait – bet she can’t wait for puberty!

25. Mr and Mrs Silvagni - a couple of kids under her belt and still tough to beat

26. Barry Hall - proof that women fall in love with footballers because of their intelligence

27. Chris Tarrant and partner - I'm tipping this tidy bizzo has never attended a gathering of the MENSA society.

28. A second run for Miss Tarrant - no complaints from me.

29. Two nuff nuffs from that hetero/homo Choc-a-Block renovation show on Channel 9.

30. Voss and wife. Red pubes are a common theme throughout Brisbane - anyone seen Akermanis with his pants off??

31. For a bloke in desparate need of a personality transplant, well done Gavin.

32. Yes Shane, the implants you paid for look fantastic.

33. Nathan Buckley and his wife - imagine hanging the Brownlow around her neck – you'd never find it again.

34. Three votes Sandra Sully - head of Channel Ten wardrobe please take notice! Note to Sandra – Best if you cut back on the Baccardi Breezers in the limo next year

35. I hereby find the defendant... not guilty

36. Eddie: “Mind if you take your wedding ring off Bucks? If I'm going to smoke your bat, at least let me pretend we're both single”. Nathan: “Sure, how did Carla react when you told her she's sleeping on the couch tonite??”