1. Meditation, Mindfulness & Insight1 Introduction Meditation, Mindfulness and Insight Session 4 Compassion Forgiveness

2. Meditation, Mindfulness & Insight2 Compassion - quotes It is one of the most beautiful compensations in life… that no man can sincerely try to help another without helping himself. ……….Ralph Waldo Emerson

3. Meditation, Mindfulness & Insight3 Body Scan

4. Meditation, Mindfulness & Insight4 Start with the goal in mind! Negative Circumstances Personal History Complexes Expectations Woe is Me Anxiety Reactivity Awareness Objective Observer Equanimity The Goal: Equanimity - Balance, Calmness and Clarity in spite of circumstances. Thoughts Dramatization Regrets Fears Negative Actions More Problems Understanding Insight Mindfulness In the moment State of Mind Aging Parents

5. Meditation, Mindfulness & Insight5 Negative Circumstance Non Judgmental Skip the Drama Forgiveness Insight Clarity Psychology Compassion Awareness/ Mindfulness Equanimity Acceptance Of things we can not change Inspiration Sacred Strategic Actions Stop Be Mindful Be Conscious Detach Disidentify Observe Higher Truths AwarenessAttitudesPerspective Insight Mindfulness Meditation Cultivates Mental Discipline Relaxation and Clarity

6. Meditation, Mindfulness & Insight6 Two Approaches All Different Typologies – thinking, feeling intuitive Different approaches needed for different people Left Brain Logic - Problem Solving – Ruminating Meditation Theory, Psychology, Logic, Acceptance… Right Brain Present moment experience feeling sensation Mantras / Meditation Slow down shut down left brain Open up right brain At some point meditation alters your attitude in a positive way. Transcends logic / higher truths beyond logic.

7. Meditation, Mindfulness & Insight7 The process of this class. Meditation Develop Mental Discipline and Relaxation Insight – Understanding Confirm - The habitual negative processes Opportunity to practice “Insight” – “Higher Truths” Compassion, Letting Go, Non Judgmental, Spiritual, Psychological view Mindfulness / Awareness Living your awareness and insight moment to moment. A Process - Not Dogma – Not answers!! Patient observation of your actions and reactions will lead you to answers that are best for you!!! Example – Dealing with difficult people Leave? Confront? Compassion? Focus on your breath? Transcend?

8. Meditation, Mindfulness & Insight8 Homework Everyday life Did events reinforce your understanding? Were you able to apply the philosophy? Did the meditations help? How? Questions or comments?

9. Meditation, Mindfulness & Insight9 Compassion Love anything. Hate anything. The effect you have on the external might be negligible, the effect on you, monumental..... Cheri Huber – The Key

10. Meditation, Mindfulness & Insight10 Next Meditation Combination of Mantra’s and Compassion Simultaneous Focus Visualization Saying the mantra Bodily sensation of the flow If you can focus on all three, Great! If not focus on the most attractive to you. Suspend Belief - Imagine it were true! Scientific – Placebo effect What if sending waves of love really did help others? Stories – KSR – Namkai Norbu –

11. Meditation, Mindfulness & Insight11 Experience love and compassion Just look at the picture and breathe slowly. Feel a sense of love and compassion Everyone you ever met was once this precious. Keep this picture in mind as you meet everyone. Now close your eyes

12. Meditation, Mindfulness & Insight12 Compassion Meditation Bell – God grant me the serenity… Visualize something that represents unconditional love, light, love flow, all of the body. – feel your body filled with love Bell - Who is wise - Mantra – Stop, Calm, Rest, Heal – Slow – Fast - Slow Bell - May all beings.. – relax all parts of your body – Breathe naturally. On the in breath breathe in light and love. On the out breath – compassion the waves of love to someone close to you, to yourself, neutral Send it to the whole world. Focus on your breath – Narrow – Broad – Choose narrow or broad Show the next foil and read it before Bell, stretch, open eyes, bring your awareness to the next activity. Feel free of regrets about the past and fear of the future

13. Meditation, Mindfulness & Insight13 Shantideva On Compassion Altruism, that ocean of great good, That seeks to place all beings in the state of bliss, And every action for the benefit of all: Such is my delight and all my joy. Through these actions now performed, And by all the virtue I have just amassed, May all the anguish of every living being Be wholly scattered and destroyed! For all those ailing in the world, Until their every sickness has been healed, May I myself become for them The healer, companion, the medicine itself Raining down a flood of food and drink, May I dispel the ills of thirst and famine! And in the ages marked by scarcity and want, May I myself appear as drink and sustenance!

14. Meditation, Mindfulness & Insight14 Continued My body, thus, and all my goods besides, And all my merits gained and to be gained, I give them all away withholding nothing, To bring about the benefit of beings. I freely offer up my existence to all beings, Though I be harmed, insulted or disparaged, May I be free from all traces of self-cherishing! So let beings do to me Whatever does not bring them harm Whenever they catch sight of me, Let this not fail to bring them benefit.

15. Meditation, Mindfulness & Insight15 Question Comments on your experiences through the picture, meditation or quote?

16. Meditation, Mindfulness & Insight16 The taste of compassion: An experience It’s a feeling like calmness and serenity that can be cultivated by: Quotes / Prayers Compassion Meditation Receiving love from others Sending love to others Chanting Feeling a direct connection to those around you. Ritual - Zen Pictures of loved ones

17. Meditation, Mindfulness & Insight17 Compassion from a meditative perspective Compassion inspires you to do things for others that you wouldn’t do for yourself. The person being compassionate receives tremendous benefit. It is an experience You feel it in your heart It can be triggered by Holding a new born child Experiencing first love. Can become an instinctive response to others Others can sense your compassion through your body posture, smiles and “vibes”

18. Meditation, Mindfulness & Insight18 Practical Compassion Communication Paying attention and really listening is a way to honor others. Be sensitive to others “real” agenda. Are they asking for: Advice or sympathy? Even well intentioned advice can be taken for condemnation Be aware!!! – Beware - Are your responses? Helpful Honest and truthful For the right reason With the proper tone at the right time Showing interest in them or changing the spotlight to yourself?

19. Meditation, Mindfulness & Insight19 Compassion “All of those who are unhappy in the world are so as a result of their desire for their own happiness. All of those who are happy in the world are so as a result of their desire for happiness of others.” …. Shantideva

20. Meditation, Mindfulness & Insight20 Homework Any questions email me at stan@beingmindful.comstan@beingmindful.com Copies of the handouts and homework on http://www.beingmindful.com http://www.beingmindful.com To register so that you can get emails click on the “Register” link on the top menu Fill out your name, a login id and email information In the future you can “logon” with your own userid and password. If you don’t want to “Register” Click on the “Logon” button USERID=mindfulness PASSWORD=insight1 (the number 1)

21. Meditation, Mindfulness & Insight21 Homework Guidelines They are designed to help you Find balance between challenging yourself without stressing yourself. Develop a plan of what you will do and keep to it. Develop Self Discipline. Homework Meditation- Use the guided meditation CD’s 30 minute Compassion Meditation once a day Notice your instinctive thoughts. When people are talking do you really want to listen or do you want to say something that makes you look good? Are you thoughtful and think of nice things to say to others? Do you think about the motivation and consequence of what you say?

22. Meditation, Mindfulness & Insight22 Extra Credit pick what you can do. Take one activity each day and do it mindfully What are the expectations of life that cause you to suffer? Are they realistic? During the day, between activities or when you are waiting try to take several diaphragmatic breaths as many times as you can Are there any times during the day where you take small things and create drama about it? Are there times during the day when you are judgmental? When you have negative emotions – fear, anger, jealousy Observe carefully your physical state Are you breathing slowly Are your muscles tense? What are the thoughts that you are thinking? Can you tell the emotional difference between being angry and being aware that you are angry?

23. Meditation, Mindfulness & Insight23 Compassion as an antidote to anger Anger and hatred change us physiologically and HARM US Finding ground for compassion The more thoughtless others are the more likely it is that they are suffering. Battering husbands –were abused children Focusing on compassion when appropriate liberates you from the impact of hatred. This doesn’t mean that you have to love and admire everyone the same. We all feel differently towards Mother Theresa and Hitler

24. Meditation, Mindfulness & Insight24 Compassion – stretching it It is easy to have compassion for a starving child but hard to have for someone who insulted you. Go where you can go and go slowly 1. Loved ones 2. Liked ones 3. Neutral ones 4. Mild dislike 5. Dislike strongly We are neutral to most people and this is the easiest area to grow our compassion. Sometimes just noticing, listening to and respecting others can be extremely supportive.

25. Meditation, Mindfulness & Insight25 Disinterested Love and Compassion Without the need for reciprocity. People sense the difference and respond accordingly We need to be honest about it to ourselves.

26. Meditation, Mindfulness & Insight26 Not a door mat!! Now when we talk about how we should develop tolerance towards those who harm us, we should not misunderstand this to mean that we should just meekly accept whatever is done against us. [Laughs] Rather, if necessary, the best, the wisest course, might be to simply run away--run miles away! --from "The Art of Happiness: A Handbook for Living" by His Holiness the Dalai Lama and Howard C. Cutler, M.D.

27. Meditation, Mindfulness & Insight27 Questions or Comments?

28. Meditation, Mindfulness & Insight28 Comment on the following: Quote If you want to be content, BE CONTENT If you want to be happy, BE HAPPY Questions Is it true? If not, why isn’t this true?

29. Meditation, Mindfulness & Insight29 Forgiveness The fruition of compassion Story of mother and her murdered daughter Mother met the women who had killed her daughter. Went around the country together with the murders preaching reconciliation. Forgiveness liberates the person giving forgiveness. If you don’t forgive it will be destructive to your own well being.

30. Meditation, Mindfulness & Insight30 7-Step Process Of Forgiveness 1. Taking responsibility for your emotion 2. Witnessing the emotion 3. Defining or labeling the emotion 4. Expressing the emotion 5. Sharing the emotion 6. Releasing the emotion through ritual 7. Celebrating the release and moving on