1. And what to do to fix them!

2.   You should have a very clear thesis in your intro paragraph that tells your reader what the issue is and gives your opinion.  Example:  “While pressure may help help some students remain focused, extensive pressure on young adults ultimately causes physical and mental issues that cause more harm than good.  Note that I am specific enough to let the reader know what I will talk about, but only in a vague way. Thesis—be clear!

3.   I know why you are writing the paper, and I should not be able to tell what your opinion is until the end, so if you have written things like: “In my opinion,” or “I am going to write about,” you must take them out. Using 1 st or 2 nd Person

4.   It is not your job to ask questions, rhetorical or others, so don’t do it in the paper.  You may ask a question that will isolate your reader, or you may run the risk of making them doubt what you just said. Asking questions

5.   Statements like “Every controversy has two sides” is obvious, and sometimes completely wrong. Don’t waste your time telling the reader things that they already know. Stating the obvious

6.   Avoid informal diction on your part because it detracts from your personal credibility.  If you sound like an average teenager, will an educated person take you seriously?  Also, stop inserting numbers in your writing. Unless it is over twenty, or a percentage or year, write it out. Being too informal

7.   Make sure that when you write about each side that I can’t tell how you feel about it.  Exmple:  Reading an average citizen’s emails or listening to their phone calls is a blatant abuse of executive power and an infringement on civil liberties.” Keeping a neutral tone

8.  The biggest issue: Not really using any facts that prove your point!

9.   Just because you did research and found someone who said what you believed doesn’t mean you have a fact.  A fact is something that is proven through extensive research—either through scientific means, surveys, multiple reviews, etc.  Just because a doctor says it, doesn’t mean it is a fact. Facts vs. Opinions

10.   Using something that a person says is fine in the paper, but only using said thing and not telling us who the person is doesn’t help your point.  “John Smith claims that teenagers do poorly on standardized tests.”  Great—who is this guy? What are his credentials? Did he just come up with this, or did he poll 1,000,000 students over 20 years? Source Credibility

11.   “A study proves that kids are not violent because they play video games.”  Oh, really? And who did this study? What did it entail? Is it recent or outdated?  You have to explain the study in order to make it credible. Referencing a Study