2. Parents’ Pupu Platter An OHA Parenting Project

3. Parents’ Pupu Platter Session Two: Communicating Effectively with Your Child—Building Relationships and Setting Boundaries

4. ‘Ōlelo No‘eau He ‘a‘ali‘i ku makani mai au; ‘a‘ohe makani nana e kula‘i. I am a wind resisting ‘a‘ali‘i. No gale can push me over. I can hold my own in the face of difficulties.

5. Session Objectives Topics covered in this session will help you: use key verbal strategies to set expectations and resolve conflicts with your child. identify verbal and nonverbal communication skills that support relationship building. identify key community resources available for family and parenting support.

6. Ground Rules Privacy Respect

7. Spaghetti Tower

8. The Spaghetti Tower 0:00–2:00 minutes You can speak to each other, but you CANNOT touch the materials 2:01–6:00 minutes You can touch the materials, but you CANNOT speak to each other Your challenge: Build the tallest free standing spaghetti tower

9. The Spaghetti Tower 1) 1)What was the easiest part of this activity? 2) 2)What was the most frustrating? 3) How did you communicate without words? 4) Did group members respond differently? 5) How do you feel about your team’s tower?

10. Communication

11. Practice on easy messages Practical Communication Tips

12. Practice on easy messages Make sure someone’s home

13. Practical Communication Tips Practice on easy messages Make sure someone’s home Encourage reflection & expression

14. Practical Communication Tips Practice on easy messages Make sure someone’s home Encourage reflection & expression Use public and private comments wisely

15. Practice on easy messages Make sure someone’s home Encourage reflection & expression Use public and private comments wisely Practical Communication Tips Understand and avoid the coercive cycle

16. The Coercive Cycle Adult makes request Child reacts with hostility Adult reacts with hostility or withdraws Child doesn’t do what was asked

17. R espond P revent M onitor M entor RPM3 M odel

18. 1) Respond—Don’t React RESPOND

19. RESPOND 2) Respond Appropriately

20. 1) Learn To Spot Possible Problems PREVENT

21. PREVENT 2) Learn To Work through Problems

22. 1) Be Aware MONITOR

23. MONITOR 2) Set Limits—Don’t Be Too Rigid

24. 1) Guide. MENTOR

25. MENTOR 2) Work together.

26. 1) Do as you say MODEL AND say as you do.

27. 1) Do as you say MODEL 2) Perfection IS NOT the goal. AND say as you do.

28. 1) Love/Support The Biggest Messages 2) Try & Try Again & Again

29. Activity

30. Personal Reflection

31. Small Group

32. 1. 1.What was one of your biggest discoveries so far? 2. 2.Looking back, what personality traits did you see as your group communicated to build your spaghetti tower? 3. 3.What is a communication challenge in your family? Brainstorm with others on how you can address the challenge.

33. Ha‘ilono

34. Ha‘ilono: Telling the News What were common themes you discovered within your group?What were common themes you discovered within your group? Did your group have any “a-ha” moments?Did your group have any “a-ha” moments?

35. Community Resources

36. Closing/Evaluation

37. Parents’ Pupu Platter Session Two: Communicating Effectively with Your Child—Building Relationships and Setting Boundaries