1. Confronting and Mediating Housing Staff Training August 22, 2006

2. Confronting and mediating are different forms of communication about issues. Both require skill in anger management and negotiation.

3. DISCLAIMER: I am a very well educated white, male, Protestant, ordained, married, late middle-aged, middle-class, Southeastern American clergyperson in a connectional church, working in mental health in a state higher education institution. My presentation will undoubtedly show the influence of these characteristics.

4. Some Basic Rules There are lots of ways to do it right.There are lots of ways to do it right. Everybody has to be somewhere.Everybody has to be somewhere. Everything is connected to everything else.Everything is connected to everything else. There’s no such thing as a free lunch.There’s no such thing as a free lunch.

5. CONFLICT MANAGEMENT and NEGOTIATION CONFLICT MANAGEMENT and NEGOTIATION

6. EFFECTIVE PROBLEM SOLVING 1) Identify the Problem 2) Brainstorm Possible Solutions Solutions 3) Select One Proposed Solution Solution 4) Evaluate It

7. A Communication Model Useful for All Communication

11. ANGER A completely normal, usually healthy, human emotion.A completely normal, usually healthy, human emotion. HOWEVER Potentially a dangerous emotion, which can tell us a lot about ourselves.Potentially a dangerous emotion, which can tell us a lot about ourselves.

12. Triggers of Anger External:  Spe cific person (co-worker or supervisor)  Event (traffic jam, canceled concert or flight, talking trash about your family, etc) Internal:  Worrying about personal problems  Memories of traumatic events

13. Dealing With My Anger  Express it  Suppress it  Calm yourself

14. Cognitive Restructuring (Changing “Stinking Thinking”) Anger exaggerates “ain’t it awful” thinking.Anger exaggerates “ain’t it awful” thinking. Avoid “never” and “always”Avoid “never” and “always” Logic defeats angerLogic defeats anger Focus on the REAL problemFocus on the REAL problem

15. Water level ANGER disappointment unappreciated