1. Oshkosh: a Civil Community The Oshkosh Civility Project April 2011

2. The Oshkosh Civility Project Major Financial Benefactors

3. Speak Your Peace Oshkosh! Credits to: Dr. PM Forni – Johns Hopkins University Truckee-Tahoe Community Foundation Duluth-Superior Area Community Foundation

4. Visit to Truckee-Tahoe Community Exploration of efforts in Duluth-Superior Politics Letters to the Editor Blogs – Anonymous and Otherwise Economic downturn Mood of the public High visibility incidents – Rutgers & Tucson Getting Started

5. Can’t we do better? Aren’t we known for friendliness and hospitality? We should set a higher mark! Provide a common framework to discuss civility-related issues. Our Goal

6. This is NOT a campaign to end all disagreements … this is a campaign to make it safe to disagree. Focus: Improving the character and quality of interpersonal communication. Let’s Agree to AGREE

7. Involve all major stakeholders Attract interest ~ secure buy-in Work small ~ grow bigger Encourage grassroots interest & involvement We are not just targeting those who are uncivil, but those who allow uncivilized behavior to happen. Key Strategy

8. Choosing Civility National speaker Recognized authority Provide visibility Conceptual structure

9. What we did … Concern -> ACTION Core Group Formulated Plans Truckee Leadership Breakfast Forni Community Breakfast Forni – Library & School Board Mayor’s Proclamation Website Continued outreach/dialogue Promotional Materials

10. Choosing Civility

11. Civility in the Public Schools

12. A Day of Civil Discussion Feb. 24 2011 Walter Scott & Mayor Paul Esslinger The people of Oshkosh were urged to reflect on the importance fundamental values Respect Understanding Compassion befitting a proud community with a rich history & heritage of an active, engaged, informed and involved citizenry.

13. Civility Defined “Benevolent awareness of others” Civil ~ when weave restraint, respect and consideration into fabric of awareness Civil ~ when we care about others and treat them well

14. What does civility do? Strengthens social bonds Reduces stress Increases satisfaction Increase work quality Good for relationships Good for business Civility does the “everyday busywork of goodness”

15. >90% of workers experience incivility –50% lost work time worrying –13% left the company >50% American workforce has high stress levels –>1/3 identifies “people issues” to cause of stress at work –Workload is #2 Estimated cost of workplace stress: $300 billion per year Incivility At work Costs us all Source: P.M. Forni

16. Nine Tools of Civility

17. Civility: City & Society “The Other” Known Other Group My Group Unknown Other Group Me, Myself & I To be Revisited …

18. 1. Pay Attention Be aware and attend to the world and the people around you.

19. 2. Listen Much of the conflict in our lives can be explained by one simple but unhappy fact: we don’t really listen to each other.

20. “We in America have everything we need except the most important thing of all—time to think and the habit of thought.” Norman Cousins

21. 3. Be Inclusive Welcome all groups of citizens working for the greater good of the community. Remember to “Invite the Stranger.”

22. www.OshkoshCivilityProject.org

23. 4. Don’t Gossip Don’t discount the power of your words. Speaking with consideration and kindness is at the heart of civil behavior.

24. 5. Show Respect Disagree without being disagreeable. Respect includes recognizing that others are entitled to look at the world differently.

25. The Principle of Respect for Persons We ought to treat others as ends in themselves rather than as means for the satisfaction of our immediate needs and desires PM Forni

26. 6. Be Agreeable Two key ingredients for being agreeable in conversation: 1. The ability to consider that you might be wrong. 2. The ability to admit that you don’t know.

27. 7. Apologize Be sincere and repair damaged relationships Simple, decent words, that soothe the bruised soul: “I’m sorry.”

28. Life today is more about feeling good and less about being good. “We spend much more time tending to the quality of our emotional lives than to the quality of our moral lives.” Joshua Halberstam

29. 8. Give Constructive Criticism Intention must be to help, not to humiliate. When disagreeing, stick to the issues & no personal attack!

30. 9. Take Responsibility Don’t try to shift blame onto others. Share disagreements publicly.

31. Civility: a Model 2 Listen 3 Be Inclusive 4 Don’t Gossip! 5 Be Respectful 6 Be Agreeable 7 Apologize 8 Constructive Feedback 1 Pay Attention 9 Take or Accept Responsibility! Me, Myself & I “The Other” Relationship Focus All Others Relationship Focus

32. Responding to Rudeness S tate the facts I nform the other person how you were impacted by their actions R equest that hurtful behavior not be repeated SIR

33. Choose Civility Engage others Inform others Learn from others Learn with others Model or establish ideal community standards

34. Choose Civility! It is quite possible to be true to one’s beliefs and be civil at the same time The issue is not whether to stand firm or to compromise, but how to express our firmness

36. Just Say YES to Civility www.OshkoshCivilityProject.org