1. Time to be confident July 2015 Mal Harrison

2. Introductions – Take Us Into Your Confidence... Think of a situation when you’ve found it hard to feel confident. 1.What made it so difficult to be positive and sure of yourself? 2.If you could change one thing about your confidence levels, what would it be?

3. What is self confidence? What does self-confidence mean to you? Think of someone you admire who you think oozes self-confidence. Maybe it’s someone you know or someone famous? What do they do that demonstrates the skills and qualities of a confident person? What are the signs of self-confidence?

4. Thoughts? Feelings? Behaviour You are crossing a road junction when a car turns in front of you without signalling. It may give you a shock. What do you say to yourself?

5. Self-talk 1“He shouldn’t be allowed on the road. No consideration for other road users. Just a stupid, selfish idiot.” This self-talk can cause you to become aggressive and self-righteous. You might feel like throwing a brick at him! Self-talk 2“That gave me a fright. It was a dangerous thing to do. He could have indicated to give me a warning. I feel quite shaken up. Still, we all make mistakes. I’ve sometimes forgotten to indicate myself before, when my mind has been on something else..” Telling yourself this will result in much calmer thought process

6. Rational Thinking Irrational thinking: “I hate people making mistakes. Drivers shouldn’t forget to indicate.” Rationalising: “That was close but it didn’t bother me at all. I feel fine.” Thinking rationally: “Although I feel quite shaken up and I’d prefer drivers to be more careful, I accept that people make mistakes.”\ Counter irrational thinking with rational challenge

7. Being ignored in the street A friend does something that annoys you

8. Reactions to experiences (Think, feel, do) Situation Thoughts and images Body / Physical sensations Moods /Emotions Behaviours (do or didn’t do)

9. Positive Self-Talk and Thinking Rationally So it is not what happens that causes us to lack confidence and feel non-assertive, or angry, sad, hurt, worried etc. It’s what we say to ourselves about what happens, e.g.:

10. Thoughts create feelings Feelings create behaviour Behaviour reenforces thoughts THINK, FEEL, DO These three actions and emotions are linked in a continuous cycle

11. “Whether you think you can, or you think you can’t– you’re right.” This brilliant quote from the great Henry Ford sums it up To increasing your confidence – change your thought pocess

12. Overcoming Barriers When a situation makes you feel ineffective, there are three ways to deal with it: Change the situation Change the way you view the situation Do nothing (and go on worrying about it) Is it true? Can we change the way we look at things?

13. What could I have done differently? What would someone else have done in that situation Have there been times in the past when I would have done something else? If I had paused, taken a breath, what would I have done? How would the situation have been different? How would it affect what I felt? How would it affect what I thought? Would it have been more helpful? What would the consequences have been? Making changes

14. You can’t change other people or circumstances, but you can choose your response. acting confident makes you confident. Yes we’d make mistakes, but we’d also have many more chances of success. ‘Choose your attitude’

15. How we Communicate powerful messages mostly unconscious used by all of us every day mainly face, posture, movement, hands, arms and appearance

16. Coping with Anxiety build confidence with careful preparation practise voice exercises relaxation techniques familiarise with practicals visit the toilet first comfortable posture smile at someone warm up imagine they’re naked!  try to force yourself to relax  take drugs, tranquillisers or alcohol  fiddle, twiddle, twist or jangle anything  be afraid of silence  speak ’til you’re ready

17. Make your nerves work for you, not against you Remember: –nervousness doesn’t look as bad as it feels –there is no ‘one size fits all’ approach to fixing the problem of nerves; be open minded and keep trying new techniques until you find what works best for you Think: Flight or Fight versus Discussion & Negotiation

18. Positive Thinking dare to be happy be true to your values accept others’ styles accept mistakes be ‘present moment’ learn new skills cultivate ‘beginners mind’ put yourself in others’ shoes keep your cool believe there’s a solution avoid psychic vampires make time for you pat yourself on the back maintain perspective reframe experiences in a positive manner

19. What Next? What are you going to: start doing? stop doing? continue doing?

20. Before you go… evaluation forms please!