1. Spirit Of Gentleness A Spirit Of Gentleness is About... Our non-violence Our sense of social justice Our expression of unconditional love Our warmth toward those who are cold Our teaching others to feel safe, loved, loving and engaged Our teaching a feeling of companionship with the most marginalized Our forming community Our sense of human interdependance and solidarity Our option to be side by side with the most devalued

2. Basic Assumptions... Each human being is made up of a mind-body-spirit Personal change comes from within the heart Each of us hungers for a feeling of being-with-others The care giving relationship is based on unconditional love Personal and community change occurs from the bottom up Care giving is an act of justice

3. Love Hunger for Love Loss Fear of Loss To be connected To be responded to To respond to others To care about others To love and be loved  To be disconnected  To be ignored  To withdraw  To ignore others  To be scorned

4. Life Culture of Life Death Culture of Death Based on companionship Leading to community Centered on the person Involving mutual change that starts with us  Focused on control  Leading to compliance  Centered on behavior  Imposed change under the guise of choice

5. Fearfull Feel Fearfull… Safe Feels Safe...  Runs away  Cries a lot  Expressionless  Sad appearance  Slovenly  Hits self/others  Sleeps poorly  Complains  Eats poorly  Self-stimulates  Curses  Hordes  Flinches Stays with others Expresses joy Relaxed Contented appearance Well-cared for Respects own body/others Sleeps well Expresses love Enjoys participating Eats well Enjoys hobbies Uplifts others Shares

6. PSYCHOLOGY OF THE SELF PSYCOLOGY OF INTERDEPENDANCE  Earned reward  External change  Imposed change  Emphasizing compliance  Learning self-reliance  Authoritarian Unconditional love Inner change Mutual change Companionship leading to community Authoritative

7. Authoritarian Authoritative  Inconsistent  Moral direction based on a “lift yourself up by the bootstraps” attitude  Focused on the self, independence and self- determination Consistent Moral direction based on feeling safe and loved, first with us, then others Focused on others, companionship and community

8. Companionship Companionship Is Built On Teaching To Feel... S AFE L OVED L OVING E NGAGED

9. Unloved Feels Unloved… Loved Feels Loved...  Complaining  Addicted to drugs or alcohol  Poor grooming and dress  Withdrawl  Self-stimulation  Hurting self  Hurting others  Irritability  Running from caregivers/peers  Screaming  Hoarding objects  Hurtfull sexual expression  Sense of worthlessness Asking for help Finding joy in others Pride in self Socializing Pride in hobbies Caring for bodily needs Helping others Contentment Finding joy in caregivers/peers Sweetly communicating Loving sexual expression Sense of self-esteem

10. Loving Others...Despising Others… Smiles Touches warmly Communicates joyfully Approaches other Stays with others Seeks out others Shares personal objects  Frowns, cries, clings, curses  Grabs, hurts, disrespects  Communicates harshly  Withdraws  Self-stimulates  Prefers solitude  Hordes

11. Engagement Engagement is Learning that it is Good... To be together To do things together To do things for one another To do things for others

12. DisengagementEngagement  Ignores others  Rebels against care givers/ friends/ family  Refuses to share  Sees no joy others & little joy in self  Withdraws  Self-stimulates  Has little pride in self  Prefers to be alone  Dislikes school or work Seeks others out Enjoys care givers/ friends/ family Offers to help Finds joy in others Find joy in self Participates Has Hobbies Takes pride in self Seeks to socialize Likes school or work

13. Becoming Engaged Evoking Peace Rebellious Passive participation Doing things together Ebb and flow of rebellion Doing things by self Mutual enjoyment Pride in being together and doing things together Be soft, slow and gentle Do things for the person Draw the person into activities with you Always be ready to help or even back off Give gradual responsibility Focus on the relationship Honor the person for being with you and doing things with you