1. NABMSE REGIONAL MEETINGS APRIL 2013 DR JOE O’CONNELL LIMERICK EDUCATION CENTRE Managing Adult Relationships in the School Community

2. PHILOSOPHICAL LIBERALISM DISCOURSE OF DERISION Context

3. In any given day…… Dr Joe O' Connell NABMSE 2013 Tactful/DiplomaticNeed to remain objectivePower of Invisibility HumorousEmpatheticEncourager Ability to relax peopleIntuitiveOpen body language Keeping one’s opinion to oneselfPatientClarifier Non threateningCatalystGiver of direction MotivatorInterpreterInterventionist ResponderBrief when requiredOpen-minded Ability to remain silentGood listenerThinker on one’s feet Ability to see opportunitiesObserverSummarising Good questionerCoordinatorChallenger ReflectiveClear CommunicatorUnderstanding of group dynamics

4. If a relationship fractures then conflict abounds Dr Joe O' Connell NABMSE 2013  Conflict arises because the lens through which we view life leads us to believe that: Others have, or intend to, frustrate or ignore our interests or concerns….. a feeling Proportionality between rational and emotive thoughts and actions Think outside of your own emotive domain

5. Communication is central Dr Joe O' Connell NABMSE 2013 “Communication is the essential tool of human technology” Lewis, L.P. (1994) Curing Conflict

6. Guiding Principles Dr Joe O' Connell NABMSE 2013  Understand and appreciate roles and responsibilities and consider context  Adopt a Professional Approach at all times ◦ Language ◦ Depersonalise situations ◦ Be an active listener ◦ Don’t carry agendas  The difference between being assertive as opposed to being aggressive

7. Keep in mind that no issue remains a single issue! Dr Joe O' Connell NABMSE 2013 There are levels of analysis: 1. Within Individuals 2. Between Individuals 3. The group as a whole  Temporal effect of a strong character

8. The variety of relationships! Dr Joe O' Connell NABMSE 2013

9. Managing Challenging Relationships Dr Joe O' Connell NABMSE 2013 REACTION

10. Personal Reaction to Challenging Behaviour Dr Joe O' Connell NABMSE 2013 Your Style……Social Skills Two heads are better than one…………Collaborating Kill your enemies with kindness…..Accommodating Split the difference….. Compromising Leave well enough alone …. Avoiding Might makes right…… Competing

11. Personal Reaction to Challenging Behaviour Dr Joe O' Connell NABMSE 2013 Each of us is capable of using all five conflict handling modes, however, any given individual uses some modes better than others whether because of temperament or practice.

12. The power of the tongue! Dr Joe O' Connell NABMSE 2013 The Power of words, the appropriateness of language The kind word The gentle word The angry word The harsh word The careless/unconsidered word

13. Respect is essential Dr Joe O' Connell NABMSE 2013 Non judgemental “No one so thoroughly appreciates the value of constructive criticism….. …..as the one who’s giving it” Hal Chadwick

14. Dealing with Challenging Relationships Dr Joe O' Connell NABMSE 2013 Principal/Parent Principal/Teacher Principal/Management Kindred Code between Snr Management and Teacher

15. Principal/Parent Dr Joe O' Connell NABMSE 2013  Parent is naturally apprehensive  Parent is generally defensive  Parent has rehearsed  Parent has listened to their son/daughter  Parent has baggage  Acknowledge effort to be present  Listen /Note-taking  Demonstrate mutual interest, support and concern.  Show hope, list some positive  Get them to outline what they will, can do  Don’t set unreasonable demands  Revisit Agreement

16. Kindred Code: Principal/Staff Dr Joe O' Connell NABMSE 2013 Any disagreement between Senior Management and Staff will permeate throughout. United front at all times Professional approach at all times No confrontation/ disagreement in view of pupils Solidarity about decisions taken Positive body language sets the tone for the school Review Working Together Document Agreement in advance re scenarios

17. Principal/ Management Dr Joe O' Connell NABMSE 2013 Management is a collective corporate process Issues of conflict must be resolved Confidentiality is essential Procedures need to be adhered to at all times Documentation is essential Effective communication Informed decision making

18. Key Messages Dr Joe O' Connell NABMSE 2013 Distinguish between crisis and controversy Know yourself, your approaches, your style Appreciate roles and different types of people, invest in knowing your people Take the helicopter view Show a route to resolution, don’t become a quick fixer Adhere to any agreed procedures

19. Dr Joe O' Connell NABMSE 2013 Mo Bhuíochas