1. Chapter 8 Making and Keeping Friends

2. Chapter Overview Keeping Friends Friendships Are Precious When Friends Get Together Self-Disclosure--Those Little Secrets Same-Sex, Opposite-Sex Friends Staying Friends Loneliness Meeting People Are First Impressions Most Important? Mistaken Impressions Shyness Making and Keeping Friends

3. Chapter Outline Meeting People Are First Impressions Most Important? Mistaken Impressions Shyness

4. Keeping Friends Friendships Are Precious When Friends Get Together Self-disclosure – Those Little Secrets Same-sex, Opposite-Sex Friends Staying Friends Loneliness Chapter Outline CONT’D

5. Meeting People We need both intimate and casual friendships. Those who lack such relationships feel lonesome. People differ in their respective needs for social relationships. Even our momentary moods can influence how social we prefer to be.

6. Are First Impressions Most Important? First Impressions--are those initial impressions we form of others and are based on very little information. First impressions do appear to be most important. In impression management, not all impressions are treated equally. There are a number of factors on which we base our first impressions (see next few slides):

7. Type of Behavior Positive behavior is the expected norm. When someone does something negative, it stands out in our minds. We presume the negative behavior was done intentionally.

8. …colors our first impressions. Attractive people are judged to be more Attractive people are judged to be more: compassionate successful intelligent interesting sociable …although they may not be! Physical Attractiveness Unattractive others are perceived negatively. The matching hypothesis--The matching hypothesis--People usually settle for someone about as attractive as they are.

9. Other Factors Influencing First Impressions Reputation – hearsay from someone else influences us. Similarity – assumed similarity leads to liking. Propinquity – the less the physical distance, the more the liking. Nonverbal signals – a person’s posture and gestures also influence our attraction to them. ParalinguisticsVerbal signals – not what is said, but how it is said. Paralinguistics – unspoken but important features of spoken communication.

10. Mistaken Impressions We often use heuristics (mental shortcuts) to form impressions; thus, impressions can be wrong. For example: False Consensus Effect--The False Consensus Effect--we assume others feel as we do. Stereotypes--Stereotypes--widespread generalizations based little on reality also shape our impressions of others. The Halo Effect--The Halo Effect--inferring uniformly positive traits from the appearance of a few positive traits. The Horns (Devil) Effect--The Horns (Devil) Effect--inferring uniformly negative traits from the appearance of a few negative traits. Errors of judgment also make us misconstrue others. For example, the fundamental attribution error tends to make us focus on traits, not on situations.

11. Shyness Shy people often are perceived as aloof. Some shy people may experience an extreme form of shyness known as social anxiety. Shy people dislike being shy and see shyness as a personal fault. Shyness can be reduced by learning to censor or cut off self-monitoring of thoughts and behaviors. Shyness is on the rise in America. Some people are finding relief from shyness on the Internet.

12. Keeping Friends The desire for interpersonal connectedness is a fundamental human motive. The more we get to know someone, the more likely the attraction will ripen into friendship.

13. Friendships Are Precious Friendship--the affectionate attachment between two or more people. Friendship is more than attraction, though. High quality friendships are characterized by: Helping Disclosure of secrets Praise Loyalty Warmth and closeness Friendships in childhood are very important!

14. When Friends Get Together One of the most common activities is the sharing of intimate talk. self-disclosure…friends engage in self-disclosure – the sharing of personal information with someone else. Women are more likely to self-disclose... Doing favors for one another is a sign of friendship. social supportThey also engage in social support – a process whereby one individual or group offers comfort and advice to others so they can use it for coping.

15. Self-Disclosure: Those Little Secrets Self-disclosure Self-disclosure--the sharing of intimate or personal information with others. Self-disclosure may help us vent! This may be healthy if it is done carefully. “Unwritten rules” about self-disclosure: -don’t disclose intimate information to strangers -don’t disclose so much to a friend that he or she feels obligated to disclose equally sensitive material and thus feels uncomfortable. There are gender differences: women are more willing to disclose….

16. Same-Sex, Opposite-Sex Friends Intimacy plays a bigger role in women-to- women friendships. Men are not as close to each other as women are. Men typically do “buddy activities” (e.g. sports) with one another rather than disclose. Opposite-sex friends are sometimes used to explore ways to meet others of the opposite-sex.

17. Staying Friends Some reasons why friendships cool: Life transitionLife transition--one friend moves away, takes a new job, or becomes too busy Trust is brokenTrust or confidentiality is broken. more different one experiences personal growth the other doesn’tOr they realize they are more different than they initially thought or one experiences personal growth and the other doesn’t.

18. Loneliness A subjective state reflecting the fact that the quality and quantity of relations wanted is lower than what is available. It is not the same as solitude! College students often report high levels of loneliness. Loneliness tends to decline as we age.

19. Loneliness Loneliness cont’d secure attachmentsPeople with secure attachments to parents are less like to be lonely. low self-esteem, poor social skills, culture,passivityOther factors: low self-esteem, poor social skills, culture, and passivity. emotional intelligence (EQ)People with high levels of emotional intelligence (EQ) report being less lonely than those without high EQ. EQ-- EQ--the ability to regulate one’s own emotions as well as to be empathic for others’ emotions.