1. King Lear ACT V

2. Scene 1 Hey Herald, go find out if Albany’s still on his way, will ya?

3. Scene 1 Righty ho.

4. Scene 1 We should have heard from Oswald by now…I wonder where he went? Yeah, right?

5. Scene 1 Hey, do you love my sister? In honor, yes.

6. Scene 1 So you two haven’t…you know…done it? Of course not!

7. Scene 1 I’m just worried that you two are getting a bit too…intimate, shall we say? Oh yeah, baby, don’t worry about it.

8. Scene 1 Hey Regan. Ok, so let me get this straight. King Lear went to Cordelia and the French? I mean, do you think we were a bit harsh to the poor old guy? And lets face it, the French have some pretty good reasons to be, well, pissed. Yeah, I’m thinking we’re all going to need to join forces to beat them. Ok, I guess we have no choice but war. Get together the older officers…lets try and figure this mess out. I’ll meet you at the tent, then. Oooh Regan, you better not be moving on my boy…

9. Scene 1 Can I have a moment? Hey, I’ll catch up in a minute! Sure. Read this before the battle begins. If you win, blow the trumpet. I’ll send someone to prove what it says. If you don’t…it won’t really matter at that point. Ok then.They’re here! Hurry!

10. Scene 1 Wow…both those crazy woman are totally in love with me. And they’re practically at each others throats over me! But which one do I take? One? Both? Or neither? I guess we’ll just see if Goneril manages to off Albany. As for Lear and Cordelia…well, Albany might want mercy, but I have to protect my country…by any means necessary, no time to talk about it.

11. Scene 2

12. Here you go, old man, just sit under this tree until its all over. If I come back, I’ll tell you everything that has happened. Good luck to you, kind sir! Ok, never mind, we lost, lets GO! They captured Lear and Cordelia!

13. Scene 3 Take them away! I’m sorry Dad. Its ok! When we get to prison we can laugh and dance and sing and talk to everyone there and they can never stop us! Just do what the letter says when you get to the prison

14. Scene 3 Hey Edmund, you did good out there. But where are Lear and Cordelia? I sent them to be guarded so that they wouldn’t raise the rabble around us. I’ll send them over to you tomorrow. Marry me Edmund! Oooh, I’m not feeling so good… As if…he wouldn’t marry you! Its not his choice at this point. Its not exactly yours either pal. What is my choice is that I am arresting you for treason, for your and my wife’s plot to have me killed on the battlefield! Sorry Regan, looks like you two won’t get married after all. He and MY WIFE are already engaged! He’s joking, of course! You’re armed, Edmund. Herald! Blow the trumpet. And if no one comes, Edmund, you are mine! Ok, I think I’m sick… (About time…else I’d never trust poison again!) Somebody help her out of here!

15. Scene 3 Is there anyone here in the assembled ranks that can attest to Edmund’s treachery? I WILL! And who are you? It doesn’t matter, but I am out for blood. Edmund, you are a liar and a traitor to your family and your country. If I am wrong, you will win. Now stand, coward! I am no traitor, and you are the liar. Now DIE!

16. Scene 3

17. Don’t kill him! You didn’t have to fight him…it was just a trick… Shut your mouth or I’ll shut it for you. Have you ever seen this letter? Don’t start crying! I think you have So what if I have? What are you gonna do about it? This is my country…I make the rules! Somebody go after her, she’s crazy!

18. Scene 3 Ugh, you’re right, whoever you are. I did betray my brother…my father…my country. But tell me…who are you? You look so familiar… I am Edgar, your brother! And because of you, brother, they pulled out our father’s eyes! Wow, I’m sorry I thought you and your dad were traitors. Don’t sweat it. But where have you been? And how did you know about your father? Remember crazy old Tom? That was me. I’ve been taking care of Dad this whole time without him knowing it. When I finally did tell him just now, he had a heart attack…too happy and sad all at once. I think I actually feel sort of bad about that… And just before you blew the trumpet, another man came over to where I was sitting. When he saw dad, he started crying and telling me the saddest story about old Lear and himself. Who? Kent. Turns out he’s been following and helping Lear the whole time.

19. Scene 3 HELP! What’s wrong? Its your wife sir, and Regan too. Goneril poisoned her and then stabbed herself with this knife! They’re both dead! Wow…all three of us… Where’s Lear? I wanted to say…goodbye. Oh no! I’ll try to do some good before I die, and that’s not far off. Go to the castle, stop them…I ordered Lear and Cordelia to be executed! The captain is going to make it…look like she killed herself…ooh. Go Herald, stop them! her…blagh

20. Scene 3 She’s dead! She’s dead! Oooh…but maybe she’s not, give me a mirror! See, the feather is moving! She’s alive! Sir… Get away! No Cordelia, don’t leave! I killed the wretch that killed you…but I am so old now…and who are you? Kent, sir. And Caius, your servant. But I have other news…your two eldest daughters are also dead. I think you need to be king again, sir. You’re the only one who has a right to the throne. And my little girl is dead. Why do cats and rats and dogs have life, but she’s lost hers. Oh…look there, look there! He’s fainted! Wake up, waked up! He’s dead. He’s finally escaped the world that has tortured him so much. I guess you two should rule, now No. I’m going to be leaving soon…my master is calling me on one last journey, and I can’t say no. So it goes. The old suffer, and we, the young, are left to figure out the mess they’ve left behind.

21. THE END