1. Exercise 28

2. No.1  (Worse) The message is received by the user that subscription to the on-line service must be made by the account holder.  (Better) The user receives the message that the account holder must subscribe to the on-line service.

3. No.2  (Worse) Confirmation of the data accuracy is required by the quality engineer so that customer satisfaction is ensured.  (Better) the quality engineer must confirm the data accuracy to ensure customer satisfaction.

4. No.3  (Worse) The production manager receives information from headquarters that evaluation of the finished products must be made by the quality inspector.  (Better) Headquarters informs the production manager that the quality inspector must evaluate the finished products.

5. No.4  (Worse) Adjustment of the parameters is unnecessary by the control engineer.  (Better) The control engineer does not need to adjust the parameters.

6. No.5  (Worse) A significant decline in the investment return occurred.  (Better) The investment return significantly declined.

7. No.6  (Worse) Significant enhancement of conventional procedures by the proposed scheme is possible through the close monitoring of current conditions.  (Better) the proposed scheme can significantly enhance conventional procedures by closely monitoring current conditions.

8. No.7  (Worse) The investigator made the suggestion that there is a close relation between the two conditions.  (Better) The investigator suggested that the two conditions are closely related.

9. No.8  (Worse) The committee came to the conclusion that it is crucial to perform an on-line assessment.  (Better) The committee concluded that an on- line assessment must be performed.

10. No.9  (Worse) There is a necessity for a compromise on the proposal by both parties.  (Better) Both parties must compromise on the proposal.

11. No.10  (Worse) There is no need for implementation of the environmental awareness program to be the sole responsibility of the organizing committee.  (Better) the organizing committee does not need to be the solely responsible for implementing the environmental awareness program.

12. No.11  (Worse) The committee is in a position to make sure that the program is capable of being promulgated successfully.  (Better) The committee can make sure that the program can be promulgated successfully.

13. No.12  (Worse) It is our opinion that the current system is deficient of an initial prototype.  (Better) We believe that the current system lacks a prototype.