1. Low Stress Strategies for Low Stress Strategies for Highly Successful Parents! Highly Successful Parents! Austin Road Middle School Counseling Department Ms. Richburg and Ms. Scott Increasing responsibility and accountability in children: The LOVE and LOGIC WAY with Jim Fay, Dr. Foster Kline and Dr. Charles Fay

2. POWERFUL AND TRUE Children cannot develop patience or learn to delay gratification if everything comes their way when they want it.Children cannot develop patience or learn to delay gratification if everything comes their way when they want it. Children cannot learn to cooperate if everything always goes their way.Children cannot learn to cooperate if everything always goes their way. Children cannot learn to be creative if everything is done for them.Children cannot learn to be creative if everything is done for them. Children cannot learn compassion and respect unless they feel pain and loss.Children cannot learn compassion and respect unless they feel pain and loss. Children cannot learn courage and optimism unless they are faced with adversity.Children cannot learn courage and optimism unless they are faced with adversity. Children cannot develop persistence and strength if everything is easy.Children cannot develop persistence and strength if everything is easy. Children cannot learn to self-correct unless they experience difficulty, failure, or mistakes.Children cannot learn to self-correct unless they experience difficulty, failure, or mistakes. Children cannot feel self-esteem or healthy pride unless they overcome obstacles to achieve something.Children cannot feel self-esteem or healthy pride unless they overcome obstacles to achieve something. Children cannot develop self-sufficiency unless they experience exclusion or rejection.Children cannot develop self-sufficiency unless they experience exclusion or rejection. Children cannot be self-directed unless they have opportunities to resist authority and/or not get what they want.Children cannot be self-directed unless they have opportunities to resist authority and/or not get what they want.

3. PUT AN END TO ARGUING!

4. Let’s focus on… Avoiding un-winnable arguments and power struggles Avoiding un-winnable arguments and power struggles Preserving loving relationships with our kids Preserving loving relationships with our kids Teaching them to make good decisions about serious issues Teaching them to make good decisions about serious issues Taking care of ourselves by Taking care of ourselves by setting enforceable limits setting enforceable limits

5. Become a broken record, saying the same antidote for each new argument. Keep your voice soft. allow any frustration to be that of the child, not of you. Go BRAIN DEAD!

6. Things you might hear: “Dad would’ve brought my lunch that I left at home instead of making me eat school lunch!” “These projects are stupid! Why do I have to do so many?” “I want to go live with dad!” “You made me get a zero because I didn’t have my homework…I called you twice but you didn’t bring it to me!” “Why am I always the one who gets in trouble just because I’m the oldest?!” “You like her more than me!”

7. “I love you too much to argue.. “I love you too much to argue.. “I know.” “Thanks for sharing.” “I love you wherever you live.” “I argue at 6:00 AM on Saturdays.” Memorizing your favorite One-Liner!

8. Remember to repeat your One- Liner with empathy…rather than anger or sarcasm. Remember to repeat your One- Liner with empathy…rather than anger or sarcasm.

9. These are statements that DON’T WORK: “I know how you feel.” “I know how you feel.” “I know just what you mean.” “I know just what you mean.” “I understand.” “I understand.”

10. Love and Logic will not work if it’s done with sarcasm, anger, or for the purpose of getting even with the kids. That’s because there’s nothing more important than the relationship we have with them.

11. The Love and Logic approach is intended to leave the children believing that their parents are the most powerful and loving people in their lives.

12. Kids who view their parents as both powerful and loving are far more likely to grow into respectful and responsible adults.

13. When we do this, they learn the following logic: Every choice I make has consequences. Life is better when I make good ones. It takes a great amount of love to set limits and allow our kids to experience the consequences of their poor decisions.

14. Questions? Questions? Comments? Comments?