1. CONFLICT

2. Popular Views of Conflict
Conflict is destructive and should be avoided.
Conflict is a sign of a poor relationship.

3. Relational View of Conflict
Conflict is inevitable and should be managed in ways that maintain the relationship.

4. The Definition: A disagreement between/among connected individuals
Expressed Struggle over:
Perceived Incompatible Goals
Perceived Limited Resources
Interference
__________________________________
Manifest and Latent
Content and Relational

5. Three aspects of conflict development contribute to conflict getting out of control.
Once conflicts start, they tend to perpetuate themselves, especially if there are already problems between the people involved;
When conflicts are over, our relationships change in some way, but we often do not recognize that it is how we manage the conflict that is critical to how it will affect our relationship.
We do not recognize that manifest conflict actually serves many positive functions in our lives.

6. Negative and Positive Effects
leads to increased negative feelings
Positive:
forces people to examine problems causing conflict and to look for solutions

7. Conflict Styles Competing / Aggressive: I win, you lose
Avoiding / Withdrawing: I lose, you lose
Accommodating: I lose, you win
Compromising: I win and lose, you win and lose
Collaborating / Assertive / Problem-Solving: I win, you win

8. Constructive Process
The management of conflicts is constructive if the conflict is defined as a mutual problem, and it is defined as a "win‑win" situation where both parties gain.
Participants must express their ideas openly and honestly, and all parties must be viewed as equal‑‑with their positions taken seriously, valued, and respected.
Participants use effective communication skills, such as responsive listening and perception checking, so that differences in opinions can be clarified and understood.
Participants express their assumptions and perspectives on the problem and do not take disagreements as rejection.

9. Destructive Process
The conflict is not defined as a mutual problem: it is a "win‑lose" situation where one person gains and the other loses.
Participants are not open or are deceitful and they do not view each other as equal or respect others' ideas.
Participants do not use effective communication skills, and differences in opinions are suppressed or ignored.
Participants do not clarify their assumptions or perspectives on the problem and they take disagreements as rejection.

10. Constructive Outcomes
Participants feel understood and think they influenced others.
They are committed to the solution and are satisfied with the decision.
They feel accepted by the other person.
Their ability to manage future conflicts is increased.

11. Destructive Outcomes
Participants do not feel understood and think they had little influence on others.
They are not committed to the solution and are not satisfied with the solution.
They do not feel accepted by the other person.
Their ability to manage future conflicts is decreased.

12. Overall: Be rational Be understanding Communicate Be reliable
Use noncoercive modes of influence
Be accepting

14. Negotiating solutions
We can try to change others
We can try to alter the conditions underlying the conflict
We can change our own behavior

15. Separate the People from the Problem
Separate the relationship from the substance.
Be hard on the problem, soft on people

16. Focus on Interests, Not Positions
Reconcile interests, not positions
Behind opposed positions lie shared and compatible interests, as well as conflicting ones
Acknowledge their interests as part of the problem

17. How do you identify interests?
Ask “Why?” (put yourself in their shoes)
Ask “Why not?” (think about their choice)
Realize that each side has multiple interests.

18. Invent Options for Mutual Gain
Separate inventing from deciding
Broaden your options
Look for mutual gain

19. Insist on Using Objective Criteria
Fair standards
Fair procedures

20. Deliberate deception
Misrepresentation about facts, authority, or intentions
Phony facts
Ambiguous authority
Dubious intentions

21. Psychological warfare
Stressful situation (physical setting)
Personal attacks
The good-guy/bad-guy routine
Threats

22. Positional pressure tactics
Refusal to negotiate
Extreme demands
Escalating demands
A calculated delay
“Take it or leave it.”

24. POWER and INFLUENCE

25. Types of Influence Rational Persuasion Manipulative Persuasion
Inducement
Power

26. Rational Persuasion
By using truthful information and cogent reasoning

27. Manipulative Persuasion
By omitting, distorting, or falsifying information and/or using fallacious reasoning

28. Inducement
By promising rewards

29. POWER
Power is the ability of one person to get another person to act in accordance with the first person’s intentions.
Although this can be accomplished through other methods, power implies the ability/capacity to enforce one’s wishes on other people

30. Some people are more powerful than others.
Equal in principle (under the law, in moral terms, etc.)
… but different in abilities, strengths, wealth, etc. 

31. The sources of power
Knowledge, expertise, social/professional position, money, contacts
Credibility (if you were correct several times, you will be believed; in coercion – your threats will be taken seriously

32. The “rules” of power Some people are more Machiavellian than others.
Power can be increased or decreased.
Power Follows the principle of Less Interest (is relative) 
Power has a cultural dimension – power distance.
Power is frequently used unfairly.

33. Sexual harassment “Bothering someone in a sexual way”
“Unwanted sexual advances”
“Request for sexual favors in exchange for a job promotion etc.”

34. COMMUNICATING POWER Speaking Power Avoid hesitation – uncertainty
Avoid too many intensifiers (exaggeration)
Avoid disqualifiers – lack of competence. But also truthfulness.
Avoid self-critical statements. “I am not very good at…”
Avoid slang, vulgar expressions.

35. COMMUNICATING POWER Nonverbal power
Use consistent packaging – do not contradict yourself! (verbal – nonverbal consistency)
Maintain eye contact!
Avoid vocalized pauses!
Avoid speaking too much and too fast.

36. Empowering others Helping others to gain increased power.
Share decision making. Be willing to relinquish control and allow the other person the freedom to make decisions.
Be constructively critical
Encourage growth.
Be supportive, open, etc.