1. Boundaries Gero 408

2. Introduction Where do Boundaries come from? Parents, Role Models, Significant others. What are Boundaries? Physical, Emotional and Mental limits. They define us and separate us from others. They are formed from our values, beliefs and attitudes. They allow us to be who we are in our own right and in different roles Boundaries can be under-developed, over- developed and distorted

3. Introduction Example. A person steps on your toe or bumps their shopping cart into you while you are waiting to pay for groceries. Underdeveloped-You are aware of the intrusion, but it is not OK to protest and you blame yourself for being in the way Distorted-I have the right to behave in any way I choose

4. Boundaries Having good boundaries means that people do not have the right to control you or you them. You need to respect others feelings and beliefs and be able to express your needs to others or to accept no when it is appropriate Boundaries means taking responsibility for ourselves, preserving our integrity and protecting us from harm. It enables us to fulfill our emotional needs.

5. Boundaries We are aware that our defenses and defense mechanisms isolate us. Good boundaries however allows to have good control over our lives and to make choices which we feel comfortable with. It is much safer to be intimate when one has good boundaries. Boundaries therefore: Define ourselves, Protect us, Put us in charge and Promote Healthy Relationships

6. Boundaries If we have experienced neglect, abuse or enmeshment in childhood-poor boundaries will develop. Examples are over-protectiveness and lack of autonomy or too much autonomy and selfishness. Poor boundaries means increased vulnerability leading to further boundary violation Too few boundaries we become the victim and open to being bullied, overwhelmed or taken advantage of. Too many boundaries means we become “walled off”

7. Boundaries Poor self-esteem leads to poor boundaries. We find ourselves not being able to say “No” and end up feeling exhausted and resentful. Appropriate care of the self leads to the establishment of good boundaries. We are aware when our boundaries are violated in some way. Therefore we must: Set limits, Express our needs, Protest offenses against us, Be able to say “Yes or No”, Not take on the emotional needs of others, Not feel guilty when

8. Boundaries Expressing our own needs, Not blaming others for our own behavior, Taking responsibility for our own decisions and setting clear limits. Questions: How healthy are your boundaries? In what areas do you see you need to improve? How will you go about that?