1. Chapter Six Romance, Love, and Loving Relationships

2. Why relationships? Physical Needs Social support Sexual urges Emotional Needs validation Other? Challenge: defining types of relationships and “love”

3. Defining Love in Greek Agápe means love in a "spiritual" sense. "true unconditional love" Éros ( ἔ ρως érōs[2]) is "physical" passionate love, with sensual desire and longing. Philia (φιλία philía[3]) is "mental" love or friendship Storge (στοργή storgē[4]) means "affection" like that felt by parents for offspring

5. Eight Important Qualities of Friendship—by Keith Davis 1. Enjoyment 2.Acceptance 3.Trust 4.Respect 5. Mutual support 6. Confiding 7. Understanding 8. Honesty

6. Beyond Friendship What Is Consummate Love? Friendship plus: –Sexual desire –Priority over other relationships –Caring to the point of self-sacrifice Grows over time.

7. Physical Components Regan and Berscheid describe sexual arousal as a physiological Sexual desire as a psychological state. Romantic love is an intense feeling that can provide ecstasy when fulfilled or deep suffering when the feeling isn’t reciprocated.

8. Caring - responding to the other person’s needs. Intimacy emphasizes feelings of closeness. From shared history an identity as a couple emotional interest in each other and share hopes and dreams for the future (P.M. Brown, 1995). Commitment is a person’s intention to remain in a relationship and work through any problems. Love also includes

9. The Hug Hormone Oxytocin makes you crave physical contact with your friends and family. Released in the stress response Motivates you to seek support. Helps heart cells regenerate and heal from any stress-induced damage. Encourages you to strengthen close relationships

10. –sense of loyalty and fidelity –a religious or legal belief in the sanctity of marriage –or a legal contract. Sources of Commitment

11. Theories about Love and Loving These theories include: Attachment theory Reiss’s wheel theory of love Sternberg’s triangular theory of love Lee’s research on the styles of loving Exchange theories

12. Attachment Theory Secure attachment is an enduring affective bond characterized by a tendency to seek and maintain proximity to a specific person, particularly when under stress. – Ainsworth and Bowlby Attachment disorder is the inability to form loving, lasting intimate relationships Ainsworth’s Strange Situation Ainsworth’s Strange Situation

15. Sternberg’s Triangular Theory of Love Sternberg said that love has three important components: –Intimacy—encompasses feelings of closeness, connectedness, and bonding. –Passion—leads to romance, physical attraction, and sexual consummation. –Decision/commitment—has a short- and long- term dimension. A couple makes a short-term commitment to love each other, which can turn into a long-term commitment to stay in love.

18. Exchange Theory Romantic love and long-term relationships involve exchange and negotiation. Cost-Benefit analysis

19. How We Evaluate a Relationship Outcome Level – satisfaction based on rewards vs. costs. Comparison Level – comparison with past relationships and other’s relationships Comparison Alternative Level – comparison with next best option (dependency) –OL + Clalt > CL = Happy and not dependent –OL > CL > Clalt = Happy but dependent –CL > OL > Clalt = Unhappy without alternatives

20. Functions of Love and Loving Love ensures human survival Love enhances our physical and emotional health Love improves the quality of our lives Love is fun