1. CM 220: E FFECTIVE W RITING II FOR A RTS AND S CIENCES M AJORS Seminar 7: Revising the Rough Draft, Post-draft outlining, and the Peer Review

2. U NIT 7 ASSIGNMENTS Discussion and peer review

3. U NIT 7 D ISCUSSION 1.) Have you ever worked with another peer or a group on a writing project? If yes: describe the event and explain how it was /was not a valuable experience. If you have not worked with a peer or group before, describe what you anticipate the experience would be like. 2.) Describe your ideal expectations for collaboration— what do you want to provide for your peer and what do you want back? Be as specific as possible. Your response should be 250-300 words. Next, respond to two other students (100-150 words each) in order to engage in a meaningful discussion about the value of collaboration and feedback.

4. U NIT 7 PROJECT : THE P EER R EVIEW Due Tuesday, September 15 Credit/no credit (worth 85 points—partial credit may be awarded, however) Requirements to receive credit: Project draft is sent to assigned peer group member(s) in a timely manner. Feedback addressing all questions on the peer review form is complete and returned to peer group member(s) by the end of unit 7 and posted in the unit 7 dropbox. More on writing an effective peer review coming up!

5. T HE P EER REVIEW Project guidelines Tips for effective reviewing What feedback would you like to receive?

6. I NSTRUCTIONS You'll find directions for the review in this unit under “Project” as well as in the unit 6 “Peer review sign-up” section. When reviewing, use the Draft Workshop Questions (also posted in Doc Sharing) Email the review to the author. Use the dropbox to send me a copy of your critique. This is a graded project. You must complete this by the end of Unit 7, which is midnight Tuesday.

7. W HAT MAKES PEER REVIEW SUCCESSFUL ? Peer review allows you to give and receive feedback on the ideas you've generated so far. The keys to successful peer review are: (1) Open, honest critique -- you should not be mean or rude, but you should constructively critique your peer's work. Telling writers "I wouldn't change a thing" gives them no ideas and, therefore, is no help. (2) Posting your documents for others to review AND reviewing others' documents ON TIME ! A critique sent two weeks after the paper was turned in for a grade is worthless.

8. H OW TO BE AN EFFECTIVE REVIEWER Focus on macros (“big picture” concerns) Provide specific suggestions for improvement Point to the particular area in essay that needs improvement Respond to at least 4 of the review questions. Be constructive and positive, but Don’t be afraid to criticize! Just consider tone carefully and offer ways to improve

9. C ONSTRUCTIVE CRITICISM None of us like to be shown our errors, particularly by those who are our peers. However, in order for this exercise to help, you must be open to receiving advice. Keep in mind that whether or not you agree with the critique of your paper, your partner is just trying to be helpful to the best of his or her ability. Don’t take it personally!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

10. A NSWER THE QUESTIONS ON THE FEEDBACK FORM 1. After reading your partner's paper, do you feel that the introduction was effective? What specifically made it effective? What could be changed to make it more effective?

11. F EEDBACK FORM QUESTIONS 2. Overall, what is your general impression of this paper? Did you find this paper interesting and engaging? Please explain. Also, how could the writer improve the paper, generally speaking? How could it be expanded to meet the 8-10 page requirement? Please offer at least two specific suggestions.

12. F EEDBACK FORM QUESTIONS 3. Do you consider this paper to be persuasive (meaning that it makes a clear, logical argument)? Please explain. If you don't feel this paper is persuasive, what specific suggestions do you have for the writer?

13. F EEDBACK FORM QUESTIONS (P OST -D RAFT O UTLINE ) 4. Using the post-draft outlining revision strategy discussed in this unit, create a "whole- paper" outline of this draft (you do not have to create a paragraph-level outline). Include your post-draft outline and then describe what information you feel is still missing from the paper. You must offer at least two concrete suggestions in addition to including the post- draft outline. Consider these questions as you develop your suggestions:

14. F EEDBACK FORM QUESTIONS ( POST - DRAFT O UTLINE ) 1. Are there repetitive passages in this draft? 2. Does the writer promise to talk about anything that is not discussed? 3. Should any of the main ideas be reorganized so the flow is more logical? 4. Would reorganization make the paper more effective?

15. F EEDBACK FORM QUESTIONS... 5. Looking carefully, find at least two confusing sections of the draft. This may be at the word, sentence, or paragraph level. For example, perhaps you found an incorrect word or odd punctuation, or maybe a few sentences are awkward or too long. Describe why you found each of these particular sections confusing and offer concrete suggestions to help clarify the writing.

16. F EEDBACK FORM QUESTIONS... 6. What is your favorite aspect of this paper and why? What was the most interesting thing you learned by reading this paper? Did the conclusion leave you wanting more? Please feel free to make any additional comments or suggestions!

17. P OST DRAFT OUTLINING What is it? How can it help me to revise and critique a peer’s paper?

18. W HY USE P OST -D RAFT O UTLINING ? Post draft outlining is a critical reading strategy that will also help you with your writing. Whenever you are reading something that you wish to analyze, it is best to put it in outline form.

19. P OST - DRAFT OUTLINING HELPS TO ANSWER THESE QUESTIONS : Is the organization effective? Do I repeat any points? Does my introduction or conclusion still need work? Do I still need to make any additional points to support my thesis? See pp. 66-69 of the handbook for more details.

20. P OST - DRAFT OUTLINING : M ETHOD Count paragraphs in draft, write numbers, then put main point of each paragraph next to the number. Make sure topic sentences for each paragraph reflect the main idea of that paragraph! Review order of ideas to see if they are logical or if paragraphs need reorganization. Note any unnecessary repetition or gaps. Make sure each paragraph focuses on the main idea—see if anything needs to be removed!

21. S TEPS Read your draft. 1) Highlight your thesis statement. 2) What is the first reason that your thesis is correct? Highlight or number that reason. 3) What is the second reason that your thesis is correct? Highlight or number that reason. 4) What is the third reason that your thesis is correct? Highlight or number that reason. (repeat steps for each additional paragraph) 5) Find your counter argument. 6) Do you have a dynamic introduction & conclusion?

22. M AGGIE ’ S DRAFT Post-draft outlining

23. M AGGIE ’ S DRAFT The draft has 8 paragraphs. Therefore, the post-draft outline should have 8 sentences. Write one sentence for each paragraph in Maggie’s essay. The sentence should express the main idea of that paragraph. That could be the thesis and topic sentences, but I recommend writing your own sentences to see if you can paraphrase the main idea of each paragraph in your own words. Once you come up with the sentences, determine if each paragraph is cohesive (focuses on one main idea), if each paragraph relates to the thesis, and if the organization of ideas is effective.

24. L ET ’ S WORK ON A POST - DRAFT OUTLINE FOR THE SAMPLE DRAFT ! The sample essay is “Curbing Parental Sports Rage: Parents’ and Coaches’ Conduct at Youth Sporting Events” You can find the sample essay in the handbook on pp. 125-133. A PDF file is also posted in Doc Sharing’s seminar folder and in the unit 7 seminar discussion thread.

25. P OSSIBLE OUTLINE 1. Children who play sports often deal with violent parents and coaches, whose behavior needs to change in order for players to learn good sportsmanship. 2. Children’s sports used to teach good sportmanship, but parents and coaches are now more worried about winning at any cost. 3. Youth sports now cater to parents more than the kids who play. 4. More parents of young athletes are engaging in physical and verbal abuse.

26. P OSSIBLE OUTLINE 5. Parents need to be educated about appropriate behavior and punished if they do not follow guidelines. 6. Organizations like The American Academy of Pediatrics are trying to reshape how parents and children view youth sports so that the focus is on learning the game and building self-esteem. 7. Peggy Post, an etiquette guide writer, even has tips for parents about how to behave on the field and court. 8. Parents need to return the game to their kids, and sports organizations need to enforce proper behavior.

27. R ECOMMENDATIONS ? What are some of the suggestions you might give Maggie for improving her paper? Did the post-draft outline indicate any areas of weakness in the paper? How might you improve the introduction and conclusion? How effectively does Maggie defend her claims? Is her evidence sufficient? Where might she need more support from sources? What are other ways she might develop her paper’s main ideas?

28. R EVISION What is revision? How will I begin this process?

29. W HAT IS REVISION ? “ Re-vision,” or literally, “re-seeing” the paper. Great writers do it! E.B. White, the author of Charlotte’s Web, noted that “The best writing is rewriting” (cited in Van Dam & Tysick, 2008, p. 66). The acronym “ARMS” can help writers remember important steps in revision.

30. ARMS Do I need to Add anything? -- a word, a phrase, a sentence, a paragraph, a description Do I need to Remove anything? Did I repeat myself? Do I need to Move anything? -- a word, a phrase, a sentence, a paragraph Do I need to Substitute anything? – a word, phrase, a sentence

31. PREFACTS Ask yourself, “Do I have enough so that my audience will accept my claims?” Use the acronym PREFACTS. P = personal observations or experiences placed in third person (he, she, they, a person, etc.) R= reasons E = examples F = facts A = analogies (comparisons) C = concrete sensory images (descriptions) T = testimony S = statistics

32. B EGIN WITH “M ACRO ” REVISIONS Purpose Thesis Audience Structure Support

33. R EMINDER ABOUT CONCLUSION Many find writing the conclusion difficult. Since conclusions leave the reader with a final impression, bland conclusions leave the reader feeling empty or with a "so what" feeling. Merely summarizing what you have already written does just that: It's blah! Since your essays are short, your readers are capable of remembering what you have already written, so repeating what you have already said is boring.

34. C ONCLUSIONS If you were watching a movie and you got to the end and all the end did was summarize what you had already watched, you'd be disappointed. The same is true for your essay. Don't disappoint your readers by merely repeating what you've already said. Put in a twist. Make it unexpected challenging

35. S OME C ONCLUSION T IPS (1) Suggest a change (2) Predict what will happen next (3) Solve a problem (4) Use a quotation (5) Draw a conclusion. Since people usually remember whatever they read, hear, or see last, think of your conclusion as your last chance to emphasize your main idea

36. F OR MORE ON REVISING AND EDITING Refer to chapter 6 of the handbook (pp. 66-79) for more details about revising, editing, and the grading process See pp. 66-69 for more on the post-draft outlining method, which can be used on an entire draft or a single paragraph