1. Next Chapter: Brave Love Professor Alexandra H. Solomon Last Lecture @AHSolomon www.dralexandrasolomon.com Facebook: dralexandrsolomon

2. Research has shown again and again that individual happiness is…  More positively correlated with relationship satisfaction than with any other factor including:  Health  Career  Money (Family Process, 2015)  We are hard-wired to love and be loved.

3. 1. Date with integrity  Be safe  Be honest with yourself and the other person  Use technology only as a vehicle to get you from here to there  Pace yourself

4. 2. Take charge of your happiness  Fast forward= anxiety  Rewind= depression/guilt/shame/regret  Present moment= calm/open-hearted  “What I argue with reality, I lose… but only 100% of the time” (Byron Katie)  Keep a gratitude journal

5. 3. Own your shit  Self-awareness is the foundation for a healthy intimate relationship  Who am I? Where did I come from? What do I value? Where are my tender spots? How do I protect myself from hurt?  Million dollar question: “What is it like to be in relation to me right now?”

6. 4. Value sex as sacred  Be extremely careful with pornography  Manage your boundaries  Understand how your body works  View monogamy as a playground

7. 5. Fight fair  The question is not whether there will be conflict in your intimate relationship. The question is how you will handle it.  “Say what you mean, mean what you say, but don’t say it in a mean way”  Use “I statements”  Regulate before you engage  Be willing to say “I’m sorry”

8. 6. Honor your passion  What makes your heart sing?  Happy intimate relationships are made up of two individuals, each of whom is committed to living passionately.  “Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?” (Mary Oliver)

9. 7. More being, less doing