1.  You should hear music. If you don’t, please check your audio.  Feel free to chat and get acquainted until the music stops near the top of the hour. This session is held 7:00-8:00 PM (EST). Once the seminar starts, please keep all comments relevant to the class topic. Welcome to Effective Writing I – CM 107 – Seminar # 7 Revision – looking at the writing process and your final project Welcome to Effective Writing I – CM 107 – Seminar # 7 Revision – looking at the writing process and your final project A house without books is like a room without windows. ~Heinrich Mann Books are delightful society. If you go into a room and find it full of books -- even without taking them from the shelves -- they seem to speak to you, to bid you welcome. ~William Ewart Gladstone

2. Review of Units 1 - 6 Unit 1: Hearing the Call to Adventure Explain your degree plan and writing concerns Unit 2: The Helpers (Amulets) & Rewards (Elixir) Explain/Illustrate how a charitable organization could be an amulet or elixir in someone’s life Unit 3: Crossing the Threshold Describe/Explain a situation that you didn’t standup & why you chose this memory and if you could change what occurred Project: Define courage, choose a historical figure/Explain -- provide specific examples to support your choice; main idea/thesis sentence Unit 4: Test for Hero Analysis and responding to the Steve Glass plagiarism story in The New Republic magazine/Explain Unit 5: Overcoming More Obstacles/Facing Fear: Compare & contrast Liz Murray vs Murray Barr’s definition of homelessness – explain Unit 6: The Fire-Giver – gift Cause & effect writing of fire-givers in the world

3. Looking ahead to Units 7 - 10 Unit 7: Considering the Mentor and Revising the Journey Unit 7: Considering the Mentor and Revising the Journey Revise your Unit 3 project – revising vs. editing (to discuss) Revise your Unit 3 project – revising vs. editing (to discuss) Unit 8: The Road Home Unit 8: The Road Home Writing introductions and peer review (remember all intros need a “thesis”) Writing introductions and peer review (remember all intros need a “thesis”) Unit 9: Paying It Forward Unit 9: Paying It Forward DB reflection on the writing process & you DB reflection on the writing process & you Final Project: 5 paragraph essay with APA; you will write for a company’s review. You will act like a life coach for an individual who needs help. Final Project: 5 paragraph essay with APA; you will write for a company’s review. You will act like a life coach for an individual who needs help. Unit 10: Beginning a New Journey Unit 10: Beginning a New Journey DB – post your Final Project – DB – post your Final Project – share your information; spread the word share your information; spread the word

4. Schedule your time Make a schedule for drafting and stick as closely to it as possible. Make a schedule for drafting and stick as closely to it as possible. Do not write the entire essay in one sitting. Do not write the entire essay in one sitting. You can do it all if you begin now! You can do it all if you begin now!

5. Remember the process... The most common way students get “lost” in the essay is by not following the process for writing. The most common way students get “lost” in the essay is by not following the process for writing. The topic, thesis, and outline have been parts of this process. The topic, thesis, and outline have been parts of this process. The draft and receiving feedback will be important parts of the same process; all this work is connected. The draft and receiving feedback will be important parts of the same process; all this work is connected. Take time to make time; create a schedule for your work so that you can juggle all the responsibilities in your life. Take time to make time; create a schedule for your work so that you can juggle all the responsibilities in your life. PRINT out the SAMPLE PROJECT UNIT 9 PRINT out the SAMPLE PROJECT UNIT 9 & the PROJECT DIRECTIONS & the PROJECT DIRECTIONS

6. Seeking Help (amulets ) Ask for help when you need it! Your instructor is eager to help, but many times cannot help on the day before a project is due because there is not enough time. Ask for help when you need it! Your instructor is eager to help, but many times cannot help on the day before a project is due because there is not enough time. Also use the Kaplan Writing Center as part of your writing process from beginning to final draft. Also use the Kaplan Writing Center as part of your writing process from beginning to final draft. What other helpers, resources, and “amulets” exist? What other helpers, resources, and “amulets” exist?

7. Drafting Let’s look at how one student organized her work. Let’s look at how one student organized her work. On the next page, you’ll see a highlighted paragraph. The functions of each paragraph have been highlighted as: On the next page, you’ll see a highlighted paragraph. The functions of each paragraph have been highlighted as: 1: Topic Sentence 1: Topic Sentence 2: Supporting Details 2: Supporting Details 3. Closing Sentence 3. Closing Sentence

8. A SAMPLE Body paragraph Example body paragraph (thesis key point 1): topic sentence, support, closing sentence At the outset, Internet publishing promises writers powerful representation from major book vendors. For example, many Internet publishers have deals with industry giants such as Barnes and Noble and Amazon. In exchange for shared royalties, these booksellers list, promote, and sell both self-published and so- called “virtual reads” to their customer base (Lowell, 2005). This powerful marketing tool means that a writer can self-publish while having the selling advantage of those who have waited a long time to find print-publishing acceptance. This advantage can be attractive, as seen in the over 59 percent 2004- 2005 increase in self-published and electronic books (Lowell, 2005). As more booksellers agree to sign on for print-on-demand and e-book partnerships, the reading world can expect more authors to take this virtual publishing route. At the outset, Internet publishing promises writers powerful representation from major book vendors. For example, many Internet publishers have deals with industry giants such as Barnes and Noble and Amazon. In exchange for shared royalties, these booksellers list, promote, and sell both self-published and so- called “virtual reads” to their customer base (Lowell, 2005). This powerful marketing tool means that a writer can self-publish while having the selling advantage of those who have waited a long time to find print-publishing acceptance. This advantage can be attractive, as seen in the over 59 percent 2004- 2005 increase in self-published and electronic books (Lowell, 2005). As more booksellers agree to sign on for print-on-demand and e-book partnerships, the reading world can expect more authors to take this virtual publishing route.

9. The Unit 9 Sample Project (note: you will need an APA title page) THIS IS THE INTRODUCTION Sell the beloved family home because of a barking neighbor’s dog?! Sounds outrageous, but that is what some people have resorted to doing to escape the “torture.” Most people, at one point or another, will live next door to a neighbor or neighbors. And, for the most part, neighbors can interact with one another in a manner that is friendly and cordial. However, the cordial relationships can come under stress because of a variety of situations. One such situation that can turn into a problem is a dog that consistently cries and barks. This is precisely the problem that Tammy Smith is having. She works full time from home and spends much of her day on the phone, in meetings and conferences. The incessant noise negatively affects her ability to concentrate and get work done. Tammy needs help, but does not know where to begin. With the help of a “life coach,” Tammy will improve her quality of life in terms of work and post work relaxation, while also helping her maintain her relationship with the neighbors, if possible. By helping her to establish a goal, define the solution, and analyze the long-term effects, Tammy’s quality of life during and after work hours can be improved. Sell the beloved family home because of a barking neighbor’s dog?! Sounds outrageous, but that is what some people have resorted to doing to escape the “torture.” Most people, at one point or another, will live next door to a neighbor or neighbors. And, for the most part, neighbors can interact with one another in a manner that is friendly and cordial. However, the cordial relationships can come under stress because of a variety of situations. One such situation that can turn into a problem is a dog that consistently cries and barks. This is precisely the problem that Tammy Smith is having. She works full time from home and spends much of her day on the phone, in meetings and conferences. The incessant noise negatively affects her ability to concentrate and get work done. Tammy needs help, but does not know where to begin. With the help of a “life coach,” Tammy will improve her quality of life in terms of work and post work relaxation, while also helping her maintain her relationship with the neighbors, if possible. By helping her to establish a goal, define the solution, and analyze the long-term effects, Tammy’s quality of life during and after work hours can be improved.

10. 1st BODY paragraph: Defining GOAL for your client To begin her journey to a quiet, peaceful, and productive life, the first step is to define Tammy’s goal. In order to handle this dilemma the right way, Tammy will need to “cross a threshold” that she has not crossed before. She will need to show courage, not only to have her needs met, but to do so in a way that preserves the relationship with the neighbor, if at all possible. Tammy should be familiarized with the “hero journey” that we are all embarking on in one way or another (Campbell, 1988). Her job is important to society, in that the work she does helps improve the lives of others; she must be able to concentrate during the day to accomplish these things. Her health and sanity as an individual are also important. On the other hand, as a “hero,” she should also seek peace with her neighbor. Her handling of this situation diplomatically is an elixir, a critical component to the well being of those involved (Campbell, 1991). In order to reach her goals, Tammy must first define her “hero’s journey” through this crisis; in other words, she must understand the steps to the “cure” or solution. To begin her journey to a quiet, peaceful, and productive life, the first step is to define Tammy’s goal. In order to handle this dilemma the right way, Tammy will need to “cross a threshold” that she has not crossed before. She will need to show courage, not only to have her needs met, but to do so in a way that preserves the relationship with the neighbor, if at all possible. Tammy should be familiarized with the “hero journey” that we are all embarking on in one way or another (Campbell, 1988). Her job is important to society, in that the work she does helps improve the lives of others; she must be able to concentrate during the day to accomplish these things. Her health and sanity as an individual are also important. On the other hand, as a “hero,” she should also seek peace with her neighbor. Her handling of this situation diplomatically is an elixir, a critical component to the well being of those involved (Campbell, 1991). In order to reach her goals, Tammy must first define her “hero’s journey” through this crisis; in other words, she must understand the steps to the “cure” or solution.

11. 2 nd Body Paragraph: Solution OPTIONS The next step is to provide a definition of the solution options. There are four possible solutions in working to quiet a noisy dog. First, Tammy can try talking amicably to the owners of said dog, formulating a plan together. By trying this solution, an attempt can be made to maintain a friendly relationship, and stop the dog noise before having to escalate to the next level (Lisaius, 2010). If talking to the dog owner does not yield results, the next step is to file a formal complaint with the local animal control center; in this case, Pima Animal Care Center. According to Pima County ordinance 6.04.160, excessive dog noise is defined as,“ Owning, possessing, harboring or controlling any animal or animals […] which frequently or for continuous duration howls, barks, […] or makes other sounds” (2010). This potential solution can involve the dog owner facing fines of up to $500 per day if the noise is not stopped (Pima Animal Care Center, 2011). In addition to reporting the dog and its owner to Pima Animal Care, the neighbor can also call the Pima County Sheriff’s Department and report the noise nuisance. Lastly, the final solution, and probably the most drastic, is for the neighbor to take legal action against the dog owner. It is preferable that Tammy not have to resort to this option, since that will add more stress to life to have disharmony with her neighbor. At this point, Tammy should look at the long-term effects. The next step is to provide a definition of the solution options. There are four possible solutions in working to quiet a noisy dog. First, Tammy can try talking amicably to the owners of said dog, formulating a plan together. By trying this solution, an attempt can be made to maintain a friendly relationship, and stop the dog noise before having to escalate to the next level (Lisaius, 2010). If talking to the dog owner does not yield results, the next step is to file a formal complaint with the local animal control center; in this case, Pima Animal Care Center. According to Pima County ordinance 6.04.160, excessive dog noise is defined as,“ Owning, possessing, harboring or controlling any animal or animals […] which frequently or for continuous duration howls, barks, […] or makes other sounds” (2010). This potential solution can involve the dog owner facing fines of up to $500 per day if the noise is not stopped (Pima Animal Care Center, 2011). In addition to reporting the dog and its owner to Pima Animal Care, the neighbor can also call the Pima County Sheriff’s Department and report the noise nuisance. Lastly, the final solution, and probably the most drastic, is for the neighbor to take legal action against the dog owner. It is preferable that Tammy not have to resort to this option, since that will add more stress to life to have disharmony with her neighbor. At this point, Tammy should look at the long-term effects.

12. 3 rd BODY Paragraph – your client’s short & long term benefits Now that the goal has been determined and the definition of a solution presented, the long-term effects can be analyzed. By establishing the goal and taking steps toward the defined solution, Tammy can begin to enjoy a higher quality of life and be a more productive member of the workforce. Tammy will not be faced with the bothersome and unpredictable interruptions that can cause for lack of concentration as a disruption to weekly phone meetings. Another example is that without the incessant noise, Tammy will have less stress to contend with, should issues or problematic situations at work arise. By successfully maintaining the neighborly relationship, Tammy will be able to have an ally rather than an enemy in her neighbor, which helps promote a less stressful home life, as well. Lastly, Tammy can proceed through the workday and then move onto domestic work or rest and relaxation at home without agitation or anger at continuing to hear the neighboring dog’s continuous noise. Now that the goal has been determined and the definition of a solution presented, the long-term effects can be analyzed. By establishing the goal and taking steps toward the defined solution, Tammy can begin to enjoy a higher quality of life and be a more productive member of the workforce. Tammy will not be faced with the bothersome and unpredictable interruptions that can cause for lack of concentration as a disruption to weekly phone meetings. Another example is that without the incessant noise, Tammy will have less stress to contend with, should issues or problematic situations at work arise. By successfully maintaining the neighborly relationship, Tammy will be able to have an ally rather than an enemy in her neighbor, which helps promote a less stressful home life, as well. Lastly, Tammy can proceed through the workday and then move onto domestic work or rest and relaxation at home without agitation or anger at continuing to hear the neighboring dog’s continuous noise.

13. CONCLUSION: 5 th paragraph note: introduction/conclusion last part you write At the end of the day, an individual, like Tammy, who works from home and is disrupted daily by a barking, neighboring dog can find a resolution by having a clear goal, defining a solution to the problem, and looking at the long-term effects of the solution. By taking these steps, the affected neighbor can move towards ending stress and tension during and after the workday as well as working to maintain a positive and friendly relationship with her neighbor. Neighbors are a part of just about everyone’s life at one point or another. With a well-planned course of action, a neighbor affected by a barking dog can “cross the threshold” with courage and proceed to a noise-free workday as well as quiet time for rest and relaxation. The problem of a barking dog will hopefully have a quick and painless resolution, but a resolution must be had. At the end of the day, an individual, like Tammy, who works from home and is disrupted daily by a barking, neighboring dog can find a resolution by having a clear goal, defining a solution to the problem, and looking at the long-term effects of the solution. By taking these steps, the affected neighbor can move towards ending stress and tension during and after the workday as well as working to maintain a positive and friendly relationship with her neighbor. Neighbors are a part of just about everyone’s life at one point or another. With a well-planned course of action, a neighbor affected by a barking dog can “cross the threshold” with courage and proceed to a noise-free workday as well as quiet time for rest and relaxation. The problem of a barking dog will hopefully have a quick and painless resolution, but a resolution must be had.

14. APA title page & reference page needed for your Unit 9 Final Project References: Campbell, J. (1991). The power of myth. Harpswell, ME: Anchor Publishing. Lisaius, S. (Producer/Anchor). (2010, April 7). New ordinance puts bite in barking law [Television broadcast]. Tucson, AZ: KOLDNews. Pima Animal Care Center. (2011). Animal noise complaint process. Retrieved from http://www.pimaanimalcare.org http://www.pimaanimalcare.org Pima County, Arizona, Code of Ordinances. (2010). Excessive noise caused by animals or birds. Retrieved from http://pima.gov/

15. REVIEW: Revising and Editing What is the difference between revising and editing? What is the difference between revising and editing?

16. Revising

17. REVISING 1. Consider your target audience For Unit 9 – What do the directions say? Who is the target audience for your essay?

18. REVISING 2. Review the purpose for the writing or assignment Look at the project directions & Look the sample Unit 9 project in doc.sharing

19. REVISING REVISING 3. Review each body paragraph: Check the structure – especially the topic sentences Check the supporting sentences Prefacts = R= reason; E = examples; F = facts; A = analogies (comparisons); C = concrete sensory images (descriptions); T = testimony (EXPERTS & interviews); S = statistics (careful with stats) Consider the writing modes to give you more options for writing

20. REVISING 4. Review the introduction: The introduction has two main purposes: The introduction has two main purposes: –to draw the reader in and make him/her want to read more, and –to prepare the reader for the direction that the essay is going to take. The introduction usually has three parts: The introduction usually has three parts: 1. The grabber (or lead) consists of several sentences that pull the reader into the essay. 2. The transitional sentence (optional) connects the lead to the thesis statement. 3. The thesis statement is a single sentence that states the main idea of the essay. 1. The grabber (or lead) consists of several sentences that pull the reader into the essay. 2. The transitional sentence (optional) connects the lead to the thesis statement. 3. The thesis statement is a single sentence that states the main idea of the essay.thesis statementthesis statement

21. REVISING 5. Review the conclusion: REVISING 5. Review the conclusion: Just as every essay has a clear beginning, it should have a clear ending. The last paragraph, also know as the conclusion, should make your essay sound finished. Just as every essay has a clear beginning, it should have a clear ending. The last paragraph, also know as the conclusion, should make your essay sound finished. The concluding paragraph typically has two parts: The concluding paragraph typically has two parts: 1. The summary statement is one or two sentences which restate the thesis in a fresh way to reinforce the essay's main idea. 2. The clincher is a final thought which should create a lasting impression on the reader. 1. The summary statement is one or two sentences which restate the thesis in a fresh way to reinforce the essay's main idea. 2. The clincher is a final thought which should create a lasting impression on the reader.

22. 6. What are some MORE tips for revising a paper? – Revising means “to look at [the content] again. – Focus on the ideas and their expression – Read out loud – Get away for a while – Use a helpful acronym: – ARMS: Add? Remove? Move? Substitute? – FACT: Fit? Add? Cut? Test? – Use invention strategies – Review discarded ideas (the “trash” file) – Any other successful strategies?

23. What is editing? What are some tips for editing a paper? Get away for a while Read it out loud Make your words work! Check the last word in sentences. Are they working? Don’t be boring! Add variety in diction and syntax Use parallelism Check coherence (e.g., transitions) Check for punctuation—under use and over use Don’t be “Double-Preposition Man/Woman” Check for typos and wrong words Avoid lapsing into the informal first or second person in an academic paper. Narrating your internal thought process should also be avoided. Avoid unnecessary jawbreaker words and “triangulation strangulation.” Other tips?

24. EDITING Proofreading versus Spell Check Spell check is a good first pass of your document, but it should not be relied on to catch every error. For example, spell check won’t catch misused words, only misspelled words. Spell check is a good first pass of your document, but it should not be relied on to catch every error. For example, spell check won’t catch misused words, only misspelled words. The same goes for Noodletools and other writing resources. The same goes for Noodletools and other writing resources. They are good tools, but you must be the one who knows how to use them. They are good tools, but you must be the one who knows how to use them.

25. EDITING Misused Words Homophones—words that sound the same but have different spellings or different meanings Homophones—words that sound the same but have different spellings or different meanings Homophones won’t usually be caught by spell check. Homophones won’t usually be caught by spell check. I or eye? Its or it’s Defiantly or Definitely? Advise or Advice?

26. EDITING A FEW Examples Homophones -affect vs. effect elicit vs. illicit -affect vs. effect elicit vs. illicit -there, their, they're lead vs. led -there, their, they're lead vs. led -too, two, to may be vs. maybe -too, two, to may be vs. maybe -then vs. than principal vs. principle -then vs. than principal vs. principle -loose vs. lose desert vs. dessert -loose vs. lose desert vs. dessert -choose vs. chose -choose vs. chose

27. EDITING Do you know the correct choice? EDITING Do you know the correct choice? 1. Most stores (except/accept) American Express. 2. The (affect/effect) of the storm was frightening. 3. Carmen is (already/all ready) in class. 4. Marcus is under the (allusion/illusion) that he is famous.

28. As You Edit... Keep in mind that a sentence does not have to be brief to be effective; long sentences can be worthwhile, too. Keep in mind that a sentence does not have to be brief to be effective; long sentences can be worthwhile, too. In fact, an essay’s sentence length and structure should vary. In fact, an essay’s sentence length and structure should vary. Some sentences should be brief and others should be longer. Some sentences should be brief and others should be longer. Punctuation and the “sound” of sentences should vary. Punctuation and the “sound” of sentences should vary. However, every word should be necessary. However, every word should be necessary.

29. EDITING Paragraph -- too many short sentences Autism may be caused by injections. Specifically, the injections given to infants are suspect. Booster shots for tetanus, measles, and Diphtheria may contain thermasol. Thermasol is a preservative made with mercury (Tyson, 2004). Preservatives are added to give the drugs a longer shelf life. Some bodies are not able to process mercury. This may put those people at risk for developing autism at “a rate of more than 500%, particularly those with a familial tendency toward autism” (Jackson, 2006, p.7). Autism may be caused by injections. Specifically, the injections given to infants are suspect. Booster shots for tetanus, measles, and Diphtheria may contain thermasol. Thermasol is a preservative made with mercury (Tyson, 2004). Preservatives are added to give the drugs a longer shelf life. Some bodies are not able to process mercury. This may put those people at risk for developing autism at “a rate of more than 500%, particularly those with a familial tendency toward autism” (Jackson, 2006, p.7).

30. EDITING Paragraph -- too many long sentences It seems impossible to not see the link between injections for children and the rise of autism in our country. Because American children receive a host of preventative inoculations such as measles/mumps/rubella, diphtheria/tetanus, chicken pox, and hepatitis, many experts believe the quality and quantity of the injections are problematic in the long term. With millions of dollars of profit at risk, pharmaceutical companies are choosing to include a mercury preservative that gives these injections a longer shelf life. Thermasol, the mercury preservative in question, leaves a residue behind in the system, and in particular the nervous system (Tyson, 2004). Interrupting the way the way the brain and nerves grow puts people at risk for developing autism at “a rate of more than 500%, particularly those with a familial tendency toward autism” (Jackson, 2006, p.7). It seems impossible to not see the link between injections for children and the rise of autism in our country. Because American children receive a host of preventative inoculations such as measles/mumps/rubella, diphtheria/tetanus, chicken pox, and hepatitis, many experts believe the quality and quantity of the injections are problematic in the long term. With millions of dollars of profit at risk, pharmaceutical companies are choosing to include a mercury preservative that gives these injections a longer shelf life. Thermasol, the mercury preservative in question, leaves a residue behind in the system, and in particular the nervous system (Tyson, 2004). Interrupting the way the way the brain and nerves grow puts people at risk for developing autism at “a rate of more than 500%, particularly those with a familial tendency toward autism” (Jackson, 2006, p.7).

31. EDITING Paragraph with a balance It seems impossible to not see the link between injections for children and the rise of autism in our country. Specifically, the injections given to infants are suspect. Because American children receive a host of preventative inoculations such as measles/mumps/rubella, diphtheria/tetanus, chicken pox, and hepatitis, many experts believe the quality and quantity of the injections are problematic in the long term. Thermasol is a preservative made with mercury (Tyson, 2004). Preservatives are added to give the drugs a longer shelf life. Some bodies are not able to process mercury and the nervous system suffers. Interrupting the way the way the brain and nerves grow puts people at risk for developing autism at “a rate of more than 500%, particularly those with a familial tendency toward autism” (Jackson, 2006, p.7). It seems impossible to not see the link between injections for children and the rise of autism in our country. Specifically, the injections given to infants are suspect. Because American children receive a host of preventative inoculations such as measles/mumps/rubella, diphtheria/tetanus, chicken pox, and hepatitis, many experts believe the quality and quantity of the injections are problematic in the long term. Thermasol is a preservative made with mercury (Tyson, 2004). Preservatives are added to give the drugs a longer shelf life. Some bodies are not able to process mercury and the nervous system suffers. Interrupting the way the way the brain and nerves grow puts people at risk for developing autism at “a rate of more than 500%, particularly those with a familial tendency toward autism” (Jackson, 2006, p.7).

32. What questions are there about APA style and format? (Use the APA websites – I have favorites in doc.sharing. What questions are there about APA style and format? (Use the APA websites – I have favorites in doc.sharing.

33. ANY FURTHER QUESTIONS? Your professors are one email away! Thank you for attending Prof. Tara O’Neill