1.  “The trend in the industry is toward self- generation by some companies of their own websites, and Internet technology is changing the nature of training necessary to acquire the skill of website development at an acceptable level of sophistication, so that this activity can more and more be handled in- house.”  [49 words]

2.  “Since Internet technology makes it easier than ever to develop sophisticated websites, some companies now develop their own in- house.”  [19 words]

3. Try…  Deleting every preposition that you can, especially of:  Change “April of 2013” to “April 2013”  Change “point of view” to “viewpoint”  Replacing every –ion word with a verb if you can  Change “was in violation of” to “violated”  Change “provided protection to” to “protected”  Replacing is, are, was, and were with stronger verbs where you can  Change “was hanging” to “hung”  Change “is indicative of” to “indicates”

4. Also…  Eliminate “in terms of” and “the purpose of”  Even worse phrases:  “in this connection it might be observed that”  “it is important to bear in mind that”  “it is interesting that”  “it is notable that”  “it is worthwhile to note that”  “it should be pointed out that”  “it will be remembered that”  Leave all these things unsaid—  …without saying it goes without saying that....

5.  “For the near and intermediate future in terms of growth goals, Bromodrotics, Inc., is evaluating its corporate design needs. The purpose of this short-term and intermediate- term evaluation is to make a determination as to how the image of the company might best be positioned to be of assistance to the sales force in meeting its growth goals.”  [57 words]

6.  “For the near and intermediate future in terms of growth goals, Bromodrotics, Inc., is evaluating its corporate design needs. The purpose of this short-term and intermediate- term evaluation is to make a determination as to how the image of the company might best be positioned to be of assistance to the sales force in meeting its growth goals.”

7.  “To increase sales, Bromodrotics needs to improve its image.”  [9 words] ~Garner, Bryan A. (2012). HBR guide to better business writing. Harvard Business Review

8. BCM 3700

9. Analyze Situation Gather Information Select Medium Get Organized Revise Produce Proofread Distribute Adapt to the Audience Compose the Message PlanningCompletingWriting

10. 50% Planning 25% Writing 25% Completing

11.  All business messages have a general purpose:  to inform  to persuade  to collaborate with your audience (build goodwill)  Business messages also have a specific purpose. Ask yourself…  what you hope to accomplish with your message  what your audience should do or think after receiving your message.

12.  The direct approach  Main idea comes first, followed by the evidence.  Use when your audience will be neutral or pleased to hear from you  The indirect approach  Evidence comes first, and the main idea comes later  Use when your audience may be displeased or may resist what you have to say  Your choice depends on several factors: Message type: routine and positive messages, negative messages, or persuasive messages Message length: short (memos and letters) or long (reports, proposals, and presentations) Audience reaction: positive, neutral, or negative

13. BCM 3700

14. 1. Be Sensitive to Audience Needs 2. Build Strong Relationships 3. Control Your Style and Tone

15. “What’s in this for me?”  Be sensitive to your audience’s needs  If they think a message doesn’t apply to them, they’ll ignore it  Build strong relationships  Control your style to maintain a professional tone

16.  Adopt the “you” attitude  Maintain good standards of etiquette  Emphasize the positive  Use bias-free language

17.  Looks at things from the reader's point of view  Emphasizes what the reader wants to know  Respects the reader’s intelligence  Protects the reader’s ego “You” attitude is a style of writing that…

18.  Tell how message affects the audience  Don’t mention communicator’s work or generosity  Stress what audience wants to know “We have negotiated an agreement with Apex Rent-a- Car that gives you a discount on rental cars.” Same idea phrased in you-attitude ”As a WMU student, you can now get a 20% discount when you rent a car from Apex.”

19.  Make specific references (not generic)  Name content of order for person or small business  Cite purchase order numbers for customers that order often “Your order has been shipped.” w/ you-attitude (to individual): “The desk chair you ordered was shipped on July 6 th.” w/ you-attitude (to a large store): “Your invoice #783329 was shipped on July 6 th.”

20.  Your feelings are irrelevant  Don’t predict audience’s response  When you have good news, just say it “We are happy to extend you a credit line of $10,000.” Same idea phrased in you-attitude “You can now charge up to $10,000 on your American Express card.”

21.  But… It is appropriate to talk about your own emotions in a message of congratulations or condolence.  Express your feelings to  Offer sympathy to audience  Congratulate audience You-attitude: “Congratulations on your promotion to district manager! I was really pleased to read about it.”

22.  Use “You” in positive situations  Avoid “I” in printed text  Avoid “We” if it excludes the audience “We are going to give you a raise.” Same idea phrased in you-attitude “Your raise will be effective July 15th.” Use “You” more often than “I” Use “We” if it includes the audience

23.  Protect audience’s ego  Avoid assigning blame  Use passive verbs  Use impersonal style ▪ Talk about things, not people “You were late sending the memo out.” Same idea in passive voice w/ you-attitude “The memo was not sent on time today.”

24.  Positive emphasis means focusing on the positive rather than the negative aspects of a situation  Avoid negative words and words with negative connotations: delay, deny, reject, wrong, disapprove  Focus on what the reader can do rather than on limitations.  Present negative information compactly  Justify negative information by giving a reason or linking it to a reader benefit  If the negative is truly unimportant, omit it

25. The desirable tone for business writing is…  Confident - but not arrogant  Friendly - but not phony  Businesslike - but not stiff  Polite - but not groveling

26. Check to be sure that your language is …  Nonsexist (Gender bias)  Use the same label for everyone (do not call a woman chairperson and then call a man chairman).  Reword sentences to use they or use no pronoun at all.  Vary traditional patterns by sometimes putting women first  Nonracist (Racial and ethnic bias)  Avoid language suggesting that members of a racial or an ethnic group have stereotypical characteristics  Avoid identifying people by race or ethnic origin unless such a label is relevant

27.  Nonagist (Age bias)  Mention the age of a person only when it is relevant  Avoid such stereotyped adjectives as spry and frail  Nondiscriminatory (Disability bias)  Avoid mentioning a disability unless it is pertinent.  Put the person first and the disability second.  Use the term they prefer. ▪ Blind vs. visually impaired, sight-impaired. ▪ “sight-impaired” implies lack of acceptance of the disability ▪ Disabled (physically) vs. impaired, wheelchair-bound, handicapped, etc. ▪ People use wheelchairs, they’re not bound to them

28.  Ms. is the nonsexist courtesy title for women. Whether or not you know a woman's marital status…  Use Ms. unless the woman has a professional title or …  unless you know that she prefers a traditional title.  Photos and illustrations should picture a sampling of the whole population, not just part of it  Bias-free language  is fair and friendly  it complies with the law  It includes all readers  it helps to sustain goodwill

29. Guidelines: 1. Use courtesy titles for people outside your organization whom you don’t know well 2. Be aware of the power of the words you use 3. Writing should be free from sexism in four areas:  words and phrases  job titles  courtesy titles  pronouns

30. 1. Be Sensitive to Audience Needs 2. Build Strong Relationships 3. Control Your Style and Tone

31.  Establish your credibility  Project your company’s image

32.  Honesty and integrity will earn the respect of your colleagues  Objectivity: distance yourself from emotional situations and look at all sides of an issue  Awareness of audience needs: understand what is important  Credentials, knowledge, and expertise  Endorsements: get assistance from someone they trust  Performance: People need to know you can get the job done  Confidence: Show the audience that you believe in yourself  Communication style: Support your points with evidence, not empty terms such as amazing, incredible, or awesome  Sincerity: avoid exaggeration

33.  Be a Spokesperson  The impression you make can enhance or damage the reputation of the entire company  Follow Guidelines  From the correct use of the company name to grammatical details  Observe Colleagues  never hesitate to ask for help to make sure you are conveying the appropriate tone

34. 1. Be Sensitive to Audience Needs 2. Build Strong Relationships 3. Control Your Style and Tone

35.  Use Conversational Tone  The tone of your messages can range from informal to conversational to formal.  Texting versus writing ▪ not considered professional business writing  Use Plain Language  Avoid stale and pompous language  Avoid preaching and bragging  Be careful with intimacy  Be careful with humor

36. BCM 3700

37.  As you write and revise sentences,  Use active verbs most of the time.  Active verbs are better because they are shorter, clearer, and more interesting.  Use verbs (not nouns) to carry the weight of your sentence. ▪ Don't make an adjustment – adjust ▪ Don't make a payment – pay ▪ Don't make a decision – decide

38.  Tighten your writing  Writing is wordy if the same idea can be expressed in fewer words  Eliminate words that say nothing  Combine sentences to eliminate unnecessary words  Put the meaning of your sentence into the subject and verb to cut the number of words  Vary sentence length and sentence structure

39.  Active Voice vs. Passive Voice  Passive voice isn’t wrong… but it’s often a poor (and indirect) way to present your thoughts  “…we did not achieve what we wished, and serious mistakes were made in trying to do so.” ~Ronald Reagan, 1987  All the reservations will be made by the wedding planner. (passive)  The wedding planner is making all the reservations. (active)

40. Simplicity breeds clarity  Strive to use short words and sentences  Use variety to hold interest—some very short sentences and some longer ones “Be Relentlessly Clear”  Determine what information in the next slide is meaningful and necessary. Then, rewrite the same paragraph in a simpler, easier to read and more understand form.  Think WIRMI (“What I Really Mean Is”)…

41. “Efficiency measures that have been implemented by the company with strong involvement of senior management have generated cost savings while at the very same time assisting in the building of a culture that is centered around the value of efficiency. We anticipate that, given this excising of unnecessary expenditures and enhanced control of other expenditures, the overall profitability of the company will be increased in the near term of up to four quarters.”

42. “Our senior management team has cut costs and made the company more efficient. We expect to be more profitable for the next four quarters.” ~Garner, Bryan A. (2012). HBR guide to better business writing. Harvard Business Review

43. BCM 3700

44.  Use letters to send EXTERNAL messages  to people outside your organization  Suppliers, customers, investors  Use memos to send INTERNAL messages  to people within your organization  Staff, peers, supervisors

45.  Routine or informative message  receiver’s reaction neutral  Positive message  receiver’s reaction positive  Neither message immediately asks receiver to do anything  Both have persuasive elements because you want to build a positive attitude

46. Direct Approach:  Start with good news or the most important information  Clarify with details, background  Present any negative points positively  Explain any benefits  Use a goodwill ending  Positive  Personal  Forward-looking