1. Chapter 4 style and Tone
Style is the way you use words to achieve a certain tone,or overall impression.
Business Writing Style
After you have written your document, ask yourself these questions:
Word Choice
Will my reader immediately understand each word?
Did I use jargon(行话）, abbreviations?

2. Were they appropriate and understandable?
Did I use connecting/transitional words to move my reader through the message? (See page 43-44)
Did I avoid cliches?(See page 26-28)
Did I eliminate any weak verbs or phrases?(examples:be,have,do)

3. sentences Did I use a variety of sentence lengths?
Is the average sentence length approximately words?
Are most of my sentences in the active voice?
Were negative findings reported in passive voice sentences?
Is good news in short sentences,bad news in longer sentences?

4. Example:
1. This year, after a careful fine-tuning of our budget, we were able to reduce our administrative costs by a grand total of $300,000.
Better:This year we saved $300,000 in administrative costs.
2. The report will be a week late.
Better: The report will be a week late, but it will include the latest figures.

5. Appearance （外观）
Is the size and font of the typeface easy to read?(文章的字号字体）
Is there plenty of white space?(空白足够多）
Did I bold and underline appropriate words only? （对需要的词进行粗体字/划线？）
Did I break up large chunks of copy with subheads?(用副标题来分割过长的正文？）

6. Tone语气 is best thought of as the attitude that shows
Through a communication.
Example : It is with our deepest and sincerest good wishes that we hereby wish to acknowledge receipt of the news that you have been appointed vice-president of your company.

7. Better: Congratulations. We hear you are the new vice-
President of IBM.
We use different tones in different situations:
1.Formal Tone: annual reports; technical reports; formal minutes(正式会议记录）
2.Semiformal: letters; memos;reports;writing upward(写给上级）
3.Informal: letters(to longtime associates/friends); memos; s

8. How do you label tones in the following 4 sentences?
Choose A.formal tone;B.informal tone; C.semiformal tone; D.cold tone
1. Please find enclosed documents regarding the credit-card project for your perusal. Your verbal analysis is required at the meeting scheduled for next Monday.

9. 2. A report on the credit-card project is attached for your review
2. A report on the credit-card project is attached for your review. We would appreciate hearing your observations at next Monday’s meeting.
3. Please review the attached credit-card report. We look forward to hearing your comments at next Monday’s meeting.
4. Here is the credit-card report. Let us know what you think at Monday’s meeting.

10. Key:1.cold tone 2. Formal tone 3. Semiformal tone
4. Informal tone
Don’t use shortened form of a word such as “don’t, can’t, won’t,it’s” in formal reports.
Formal tone: The committee has not yet reached a decision.
Semiformal: The committee hasn’t reached a decision yet.
Informal: The committee hasn’t decided yet.

11. Chapter 4 ---continued Summary of key points of Chapter 4
You-attitude is a style of writing which looks at things from the reader’s point of view, emphasizing what the reader wants to know,respecting the reader’s intelligence,and protecting the reader’s ego.
To apply you-attitude, use the following five principles:

12. 1. Focus on what the reader receives or can do. In positive or
Neutral situations, stress what the readers wants to know.
2. Be specific about the reader’s request or order.
3. Don’t presume that you know how the reader feels or will react.
4. Don’t talk about your own feelings unless you’re sure the reader wants to know how you feel.

13. 5.In negative situations, avoid the
Word you. Protect the reader’s ego. Use impersonal expressions and passive verbs to avoid assigning blame.
Apply you-attitude beyond the sentence level by using organization and content as well as style to build goodwill.
Positive emphasis means focusing on the positive rather than the negative aspects of a situation.

14. De-emphasize negative information by using the five
Techniques:
1. Eliminate negative words and words with negative connotations.(see page 77)
2. State information positively. Focus on what the reader can do rather than on what you won’t or can’t let the reader do.
3. Justify negative information by giving a reason or linking it to a reader benefit.

15. 4. If the negative is truly unimportant, omit it.
5. Bury the negative information and present it compactly.
Success-consciousness allows you to project a tone of confidence in yourself, your products and services,and your organization.
To develop success-consciousness in your writing, you should:

16. 1. Eliminate words which express doubt.(page 84)
2. Eliminate words which imply that the reader may not be satisfied.
3. Eliminate words that suggest you may not have expressed yourself clearly or convincingly.
Reader benefits are benefits or advantages that the reader gets by using the writer’s services, buying the writer’s products, following the writer’s policies, or adopting the writer’s ideas.

17. Reader benefits can exist for policies and ideas as well as for
Goods and services. Reader benefits tell readers that they can do the job and that success will be rewarded.
To create reader benefits, you should:
1. Identify the feelings, fears, and needs that may motivate your reader.
2. Identify the objective features of your product or policy that could meet the needs you’ve identified.

18. 3. Show how the reader can meet
His or her needs with the features of the policy or product.
You-attitude, positive emphasis, and success-consciousness are primarily matters of style. Reader benefits are content; you write or talk about reader benefits using you-attitude and positive emphasis.

19. Revise this letter with simple words and right tone:
Dear Sir:
This is to acknowledge your message dated April 10 concerning the above referenced billing error. Upon checking our records, we found that the invoice should indeed read as US$ instead of US$ We apologize for this oversight and attach herewith the correct invoice. Thank you in advance for your kind consideration we remain.
Sincerely yours,(53 words)

20. Model Answer: Dear Sir:
Thank you for your message of April 10. We have confirmed that the invoice should read as US$ and not US$ We are sorry for this error and have enclosed/have attached/will mail/will fax a corrected invoice for US$125.oo.
Sincerely yours, (35 words)