2. COMMUNICATION & RELATIONSHIP DEVELOPMENT

3. COMMUNICATING ABOUT YOUR RELATIONSHIP n RELATIONSHIP MESSAGES –Inherent in everything we say? –Specifically about the relationship »Overall relationship? »Specific about some aspect of the relationship?

4. WHEN COMMUNICATING SPECIFICALLY ABOUT THE RELATIONSHIP n RELATIONSHIPS AS WORK n RELATIONSHIPS AS COMMITMENT n RELATIONSHIPS AS INVOLVEMENT –Communal Themes –Individual Themes –Influential Factors Outside the Relationship Themes

5. n RELATIONSHIPS AS UNIQUE OR SPECIAL n RELATIONSHIPS AS MANIPULATION n RELATIONSHIPS AS CONSIDERATION AND RESPECT

6. DIMENSIONS OF COMMUNICATION IN RELATIONSHIP DEVELOPMENT

7. STAGES IN THE DEVELOPMENT AND DETERIORATION OF A RELATIONSHIP

8. INITIATING n Display self : pleasant, likeable… –May exaggerate, brag, show off, deceive n Scan other for: commonalities, attractiveness n Talk: general information, relaxing things n Greeting/seduction rituals n Nervous, cautious, curious

9. EXPERIMENTING n Discovery talk –Looking for commonalities, indicators of “fit” –Often reciprocal exchanges n Connectedness, uncertainty

10. INTENSIFYING n Closeness/intimacy felt and/or exhibited n Discuss some secrets, moral values n Language more adapted to unique other n Increase in use of “we” and “us” n Greater access to possessions, space of other n Make short term plans together; do favors for each other n Happy, warm, wanted & needed

11. INTEGRATING n Blending/merging of two into one n Intimacy trophies exchanged n Vigorously cultivate things that distinguish “US” n More sharing of feelings, vulnerabilities n Reflect on shared past experiences n Miss each other when apart

12. BONDING n Public ritual, contract –Provides basis for different kind plans, promises, agreements n Make sacrifices for relationship n Make long term plans, promises, agreements n Increased comfort with being apart n Overwhelmed and happy

13. DIFFERENTIATING n Talk characterized by “how different we are” n Arguments and attempts to make up, change n Confused, inadequate, separate, somewhat lonely

14. CIRCUMSCRIBING n Less total communication; exchanges of shorter duration n Many touchy subjects n Talk mostly about everyday matters n Each devotes more time to own interests/activities n Public behavior may not reflect private n Cold, distant, unloved, misunderstood, frustrated, depressed, uncaring

15. STAGNATING n Relationship standing still n Covert dialogues about what you “know” will happen if you talk n Even everyday talk is potential poison n Do things together in uncomfortable silence n Reflecting on possible end of relationship

16. AVOIDING n Get out of same physical environment (or act like it) n Stop seeing each other n Greater restriction on talk; no relationship talk n Angry, helpless, nervous

17. TERMINATING n Termination dialogue: –Rationale for what we’re doing; history –Clarify what we’re doing –Discuss future relationship (if any) n Unhappy, happy, sad, depressed, lonely, scared

18. MOVEMENT THROUGH RELATIONSHIP STAGES n MOVEMENT IS GENERALLY SEQUENTIAL, BUT “SKIPPING” DOES OCCUR n MOVEMENT OCCURS WITHIN STAGES TOO n MOVEMENT IS ALWAYS TO “A NEW PLACE”

19. n SPEED OF MOVEMENT VARIES –RAPID WHEN TIME IS SHORT & BOTH PARTNERS EAGER –RAPID WHEN PROXIMITY IS HIGH AND BOTH PARTNERS EAGER –SLOWER IF ONE PARTNER IS NOT INTERESTED IN CHANGING STAGES –RAPID (SOMETIMES) WHEN SACRED COVENANT IS BROKEN