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CONFLICT
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Definition of Conflict
Conflict is an expressed struggle between at least two interdependent parties who perceive incompatible goals, scarce rewards, and interference from the other party in achieving those goals.
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Eastern Civilization
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“It is better to be feared than loved.”
Western Civilization Machiavellian “It is better to be feared than loved.”
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Conflict Styles Nonassertive behavior (Avoidance)
Indirect Communication (The Hint) Passive Aggression (Crazymaking) Direct Aggression (A Time to Kill) Assertion Without Aggression (The Clear Message Format)
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Clear Message Format Behavior Interpretation Feeling Consequence
Intention
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Behavior Describe event without interpretation
Describe problem without emotive language Avoid judgmental language Objective tone WHAT HAPPENED?
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Interpretation “I thought” Your interpretation Subjective tone
HOW YOU SEE IT
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Feeling “I felt” Adjectives that accurately describe your feelings.
Subjective Own your feelings
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Consequence What happens to you?
What happens to the person you are addressing? What happens to others? What happens to the circumstances? Objective tone
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Intention Where you stand on the issue Requests of others
Description of how you are going to act in the future
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Win-Win Problem Solving
A Systematic Approach
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Identify the problem Identify YOUR problem and unmet needs
The problem is yours; what are the unmet needs that make you feel the way you do?
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Make a Date to Meet
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Describe Your Problem and Needs
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Partner Checks Back Make sure you are understood FEEDBACK
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Solicit Partner’s Needs
Check your understanding FEEDBACK
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Negotiate a Solution Generate a number of solutions Evaluate them
Decide on the best
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Implement and check back
Follow up Implement and check back
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