1. COMM 470 Agenda - Week 13 LC2 – I Will Return Next Week LC3 – Due last class Final Exam – Friday, May 19, 10:30 – 12:30 Review Listening Exercise for Week 12 Lecture - Tannen ITE 13 Listening Exercise for Week 13

2. In-Class Team Exercise # 13a Discuss: How did you do with Noticing Complaining this week? Count how many times; share 2 examples Was it easy? Difficult? Deliverable - Summarize in a table how many conversations you each had where you: 1) charted that same day 2) charted before class today, but not the same day 3) didn’t chart at all 4) ADDED: estimate your TOTAL # of conversations last week ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

3. In-Class Team Exercise # 13b Discuss: How did you do with Noticing Gossip this week? Count how many times; share 2 examples Was it easy? Difficult? Deliverable - Summarize in a table how many conversations you each had where you: 1) charted that same day 2) charted before class today, but not the same day 3) didn’t chart at all 4) ADDED: estimate your TOTAL # of conversations last week ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

4. Speaking into the Listening of Others What are some examples of “weak speaking?”

5. Speaking into the Listening of Others What are some examples of “weak speaking?” Being indirect (not stating a request as a request) Being non-committal Being tentative Putting yourself down What are some words that connote “weak speaking?”

6. Speaking into the Listening of Others What are some words that connote “weak speaking?” “Sort of” “Kind of” “Try” What are some examples of “weak speaking?” “We’re going to, sort of, learn about listening.” “I’ll try to e-mail you tonight.” “Why don’t we have Chinese for lunch?”

7. Speaking into the Listening of Others What are some words that connote “STRONG speaking?” Yes No I want, I request, I agree, I disagree What are some examples of “STRONG speaking?” “We are going to learn about listening.” “I will e-mail you tonight.” “I’d like to have Chinese for lunch?”

8. Speaking into the Listening of Others Other forms of “weak speaking” Talking about the Past (Unless we focus on a lesson) Complaining (Almost always wasteful of time and focus) Gossiping (It reduces the listening we have for the object of the gossip) Forms of “Strong speaking” Talking about the Present / Future (If planning or building) Taking Your Complaints to Someone with Power Acknowledging Others

9. Electronic Text Communication Categories of Rules for Clear E-Text Communication: 1. General Rules – Apply to ALL Electronic Text Communication 2. E-mail Rules 3. Instant Messaging (IM) Rules 4. Text Messaging Rules (Do Some Differ from IM?) 5. Discussion Board Rules 6. ‘My Space’ Rules

10. In-Class Team Exercise # 12c What are the five (5) most important rules for clear DISCUSSION LIST communication? Discuss: Each person should first rank their own top 3 Hint: Think of examples when people have violated unwritten rules – what is the rule? The team should hold 3 rounds of discussion – individuals discuss 1 of their 3 – by using an example - each round The team should compare and choose the 5 most important NOTE: When you find a “general” rule – one that applies to all (or most) forms of electronic text – take it out of this list and add it to the team’s list of General Rules for E-Text ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Deliverable : List the team’s top 5

11. In-Class Team Exercise # 12d What are the five (5) most important rules for effective “My Space” communication? Discuss: Each person should first rank their own top 3 Hint: Think of examples when people have violated unwritten rules – what is the rule? The team should hold 3 rounds of discussion – individuals discuss 1 of their 3 – by using an example - each round The team should compare and choose the 5 most important NOTE: When you find a “general” rule – one that applies to all (or most) forms of electronic text – take it out of this list and add it to the team’s list of General Rules for E-Text ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Deliverable : List the team’s top 5

12. In-Class Team Exercise # 12e What are the five (5) most important GENERAL rules for effective Electronic Text communication? Discuss: Each person should first rank their own top 3 Hint: Think of examples when people have violated unwritten rules – what is the rule? The team should hold 3 rounds of discussion – individuals discuss 1 of their 3 – by using an example - each round The team should compare and choose the 5 most important NOTE: When you find a “general” rule – one that applies to all (or most) forms of electronic text – take it out of this list and add it to the team’s list of General Rules for E-Text ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Deliverable : List the team’s top 5

13. Gender Issues in Communication Deborah Tannen found - Women view comm as Rapport; Men as ‘Report’ Women experience comm as relatedness; Men experience comm as status (one-up or one-down) Women are more likely to be indirect; Men direct Women report a lack of comm in relationships; Men don’t Differences When Looking at Kids - Girls base relationships on talking; boys base them on doing Girls’ groups are small; Boys groups larger (also inclusive, hierarchical) Girls face each others, boys often don’t Girls support by sharing the same problem, boys minimize Women & Men Women verbalize agreement (participatory listenership), men use silence Women assume listener’s job is agreement; Men assume listener’s job is to challenge or probe

14. Issues in Communication Girls & Boys Boys have a hierarchy during play, Girls less so Boys see mistakes as more serious than girls do Play is ‘performance art’ for boys, girls worry less about getting credit Boys solve disputes physically, girls use negotiation Direct vs. Indirect Comm Being Involved vs. Being Independent Deference vs. Camaraderie Positive Politeness (involvement) vs. Negative Politeness (not imposing) – Brown & Levinson Forging/eliciting consensus vs. manipulating Implying ‘no’ without saying no Dishonesty vs. Hypocrisy

15. Issues in Communication Arguments Discussions in the media are more polarized today Cooperation and compromise is not much valued – so people sit it out Tannen’s example of the smoker Relationships are about getting what you want How can that be done 1) without domination, and 2) allowing others to get what they want The test of a first-rate intelligence is the ability to hold two opposed ideas in the mind at the same time, and still retain the ability to function. (F. Scott Fitzgerald) Everybody’s right. (Ken Wilber) Family Communication Literal meaning vs. meta-messages Alignment – do you have to choose sides?