1. Modern Family How talking about sex, communication and boundaries is essential to your healthy family relationships

2. Look Familiar?! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0vtsR yaD9Go https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0vtsR yaD9Go

3. Behaviors in an Unhealthy Family The negative behavior is the most important thing in the family life. The behavior is not the cause of family problems – denial is. Blaming others, ignoring the issue, covering up, alibis, loyalty to family enables. Nobody may discuss problem outside the family. Nobody says what they feel or think.

4. Behaviors in a Healthy Family Self-worth is high. Communication is direct, clear, specific and honest and feelings are expressed. Roles are flexible and appropriate. Each person has goals and plans to get there, and is supported by the family. Consequences are clear and appropriate

5. Communication Continuum Aggressiv e Passive- Aggressiv e Assertive Passive- Aggressiv e Passive

6. Aggresive Involves manipulation. Attempt to make people do what we want by inducing guilt (hurt) or by using intimidation and control (anger) Covert or overt, we simply want our needs met - and right now! Although there are a few arenas where aggressive behavior is called for (football, war), it will never work in a relationship Ironically, the more aggressive sports rely heavily on team members and rational coaches

7. Passive Based on compliance and hopes to avoid confrontation at all costs Don't talk much, question even less, and actually do very little Don't want to rock the boat Passives have learned that it is safer not to react and better to disappear than to stand up and be noticed

8. Passive-Aggresive Passive-aggressive passives avoids direct confrontation Passive-aggressive aggressives attempts to get even through manipulation Overt passive aggressiveness - using sarcasm Covert passive aggressiveness – consistently showing up late for class, dinner, etc.

9. Assertive When you are expressing your feelings, wants and needs clearly and without manipulation The most effective and healthiest form of communication It's how we naturally express ourselves when our self-esteem is intact Cares about the relationship and strives for a win/win situation Establishes and maintains healthy boundaries

10. Reality Check: Healthy Parent-Child Communication impacts many aspects of your teens life.

11. “Let’s Talk about Sex” https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7QTL N4_FqXQhttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7QTL N4_FqXQ

12. Parent-Child Communication about Sexuality Promotes Sexually Healthy Behaviors. In a recent study, teens who spoke with parents about sex, STD’s, birth control and abstinence were TWO times more likely to use protection or abstain completely from risky sexual activities Adolescents who have repeated communications about sex, sexuality, and development with their parents, are more likely to have an open and closer relationships with them, Youth whose parents are open, responsive, comfortable, and confident in discussions about sex and related issues participate less often in sexual risk behavior, suggesting that the quality of communication influences the message adolescents receive about sex. 13

13. Kids Today… Know more about sex before we think they do Get their information about sex from their friends, friend’s older siblings, and media (Internet, TV, movies) Are dealing with more public relationships and breakups than generations past Do not operate under the same gender roles. Females are often initiating sexual activity. Want their information from YOU!

14. Facts and Stats 10% of sixth graders have had sex 50% of all teenagers have had sex by the time they enter the 10 th grade 70-90% of teens have had sex by 12 th grade One in every five teenage girls will become pregnant during high school Half of all teenagers don't believe oral sex is sex

15. What are they doing? “Hooking up” Oral sex Intercourse Anything in between It is important for you as a family to develop a definition of sex and to develop an understanding of acceptable and unacceptable behavior

16. Non-traditional Relationships Roughly 1 in 20 of our youth self identify as other than heterosexual According to the CDC, these youths are 3-4 times more likely to attempt suicide than their peers Each incident of physical or verbal harassment or abuse increases the likelihood of self-harm behavior by 2.5 times on average As parents and educators we have a duty to reflect compassion, tolerance, and acceptance of youths in our community. If your child or someone you know is struggling in their identity or relationships your tolerant attitude will make you the one they go to for guidance [1] B. Reis and E. Saewyc, Eighty-Three Thousand Youth: Selected Findings of Eight Population-based Studies as They Pertain to Anti-Gay Harassment and the Safety and Well-being of Sexual Minority Students (Seattle, WA: Safe Schools Coalition of Washington, 1999). [2] (2011). Sexual Id Health-Risk Behaviors Among udents in Grades 9-12: Youth Risk Behavior Surveillance. Atlanta, GA: U.S. Department of Health and Human Services. [3] IMPACT. (2010). Mental health disorders, psychological distress, and suicidality in a diverse sample of lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender youths. American Journal of Public Health. 100(12), 2426-32.

17. Physiologically Dopamine –Males and females experience a 150% increase in dopamine during sex –This is the same neurotransmitter involved with drug addiction Oxytocin –Released in females during breastfeeding and childbirth, causes mother to attach to child –Also released during sex, causing a biological attachment to sexual partner

18. The link between sex and alcohol When under the influence of alcohol, the frontal lobe is not functioning at it’s highest level. Executive functioning skills like judgment and decision making go out the window. What about other drugs?

19. What decreases the likelihood my kid will have sex? Being sober Involvement in school activities Connectedness with family Boundaries

20. The Dos and Don’ts DO! DON’T! Openly communicate your beliefs, values and expectations Start early! Establish standards of acceptable sexual behavior Talk to them about love and sex Spend time with your kids! Help your child be confident in who they are and the choices they make. Make assumptions Lecture, interrupt or give advice Think they already know it all Think they are learning it in school or from their friends Let them date anyone 3 years older Subscribe to the saying, “Boys will be boys.”

21. Discuss with your kids: How well do you have to know someone before you do something sexual with them? How do you define knowing someone well? What do you feel comfortable doing with someone sexually? What do you not want to do? How can you communicate that to the person you are with? What would make it more difficult for you to say what you want and don’t want?

22. What Choices Believes Experimentation with some physical relationships is a healthy and normal part of a teen’s adolescence. We define “sex” as intercourse or oral sex. We believe that high school students should not engage in sex – especially in their earlier high school years – both from a moral and an emotional immaturity standpoint. Not everyone is “doing it” and we believe it is necessary to explain your beliefs to your sons and daughters. Open communication and clear sharing of moral values is the only way to encourage healthy relationships amongst our teens. Spirituality, the basis of your beliefs--translate scripture into real life.

23. Imprinting & Pornography The term “Imprinting” is used to describe when a person or animal learns characteristics of a certain stimulus (pornography) which is therefore “imprinted” as the desirable stimulus from here on out… How may this effect your teens views on sexuality? We want parents to help decide what the healthy “imprint” should look like for your child, not the internet, social media or the unrealistic expectations utilized in the pornography industry.

24. Spiritually Narrow Way vs Wide Way - Enter through the narrow gate; for the gate is wide and the road is easy that leads to destruction and there are many who take it. For the gate is hard that leads to life, and there are few who find it.

25. “Check Your Baggage” What might be influencing the parenting choices you make? What were your parents’ communication styles? What role did you play in your family of origin? How might your fears and anxieties affect your parenting decisions?

26. References UT Health Science Center –http://www.utteenhealth.org/parents_tips.asp Queen Bees and Wannabes –Rosalind Wiseman SexEd –A sexual health primer for teens and young adults Dr. Phil –http://drphil.com/articles/category/4/17/