1. Chapter 9 Communicating Conflict

2. Defining Conflict Interpersonal conflict is commonly defined as “the interaction of interdependent people who perceive incompatible goals and interference from each other in achieving these goals.” 2 Chapter 9

3. Defining Conflict Interdependence – means that the communicators are interconnected and rely on and need each other 3 Chapter 9

4. Defining Conflict Perception - the communicators perceive having incompatible goals 4 Chapter 9

5. Defining Conflict Incompatible goals – when people view the other as keeping them from reaching their goals friction often results Image conflicts involve a concern for self-presentation and a disagreement about self- definition 5 Chapter 9

6. Types of Conflict Value conflicts are content conflicts that deal with content that is viewed as right or wrong 6 Chapter 9

7. Types of Conflict Relational conflicts focus on issues concerning the relationship between the two people 7 Chapter 9

8. Types of Conflict Serial conflicts are not conflict on a particular issue rather they are based on the fact that the same conflict occurs respectively overtime without resolution – Meta-conflicts are conflicts on how you manage conflict 8 Chapter 9

9. Myths about Conflict and Communication The belief that all conflicts result from miscommunication or unclear communication. 9 Chapter 9

10. Myths about Conflict and Communication The belief that conflicts can always be resolved with good communication skills. The belief that it’s always best to talk about conflict. 10 Chapter 9

11. Factors Influencing Interpersonal Conflict Gender and sex Culture 11 Chapter 9

12. Communication Patterns in Conflict Symmetrical escalation – when each partner chooses to increase the intensity of the conflict Symmetrical withdrawal – when both communicators avoid the conflict 12 Chapter 9

13. Communication Patterns in Conflict Pursuit-withdrawal/withdrawal- pursuit – One partner pursues discussing the conflict and the other withdraws – One partner withdraws prompting the other partner to purse the conflict 13 Chapter 9

14. Communication Patterns in Conflict Symmetrical negotiation – when each partner mirrors the other’s positive negotiating behaviors – Listen to the other and reflect back what they have heard 14 Chapter 9

15. The Dark Side of Interpersonal Conflict Bullying – occurs with distinct power differences between communicators exits and one is persistently abusing the other 15 Chapter 9

16. The Dark Side of Interpersonal Conflict Violence and aggression – imposing one’s will on another with intent to hurt or cause suffering – Often involves verbal aggressiveness 16 Chapter 9

17. The Bright Side of Interpersonal Conflict Leads to positive evaluations of communication competence 17 Chapter 9

18. Promotes physical and mental health – Positive interaction ratio – proportion of positive comments to negative comments Chapter 9 18 The Bright Side of Interpersonal Conflict

19. Promotes Physical and Mental Health – Negative interaction ratio – more negative than positive comments and interactions The magic ratio – 5 positives to 1 negative is a good predictor of marital longevity 19 Chapter 9

20. Explaining Conflict The four-part model pictures conflict as a circle divided into four sections of conflict – You refers to one of the participants in the conflict 20 Chapter 9

21. Explaining Conflict When people disqualify the you in conflict the response is aggressive and doesn’t take into account the need of the other person – This is called pouncing 21 Chapter 9

22. The Four-Part Model Me refers to the other participant – When people disqualify the me in conflict they are being passive and ignoring their own needs This is called placating 22 Chapter 9

23. The Four-Part Model Context refers to the emotional background surrounding the conflict – When people disqualify the context they are ignoring the relational aspects and focusing on the rational aspects This is called computing 23 Chapter 9

24. The Four-Part Model Subject refers to what the parties are arguing about – When people disqualify the subject they change the topic to avoid conflict This is called distracting 24 Chapter 9

25. The Relationship of Conflict to Power 25 Chapter 9 Power can be defined as the ability to control the behavior of another

26. The Relationship of Conflict to Power Using power – Direct application of power is using any resource available to force the other to comply regardless of their wishes – Indirect application of power is using power without making it obvious 26 Chapter 9

27. Using Power Relational messages are a form of indirect applications of power When people send relational messages they define the relationship, implying they have the power to do so 27 Chapter 9

28. The Relationship of Conflict to Power Sex differences are often based on sex role stereotypes Empowerment is helping to actualize another's power – Power balancing 28 Chapter 9

29. Choices for Conflict Management Lighten up and reframe Presume good will and express good will Ask questions Listen Practice cultural sensitivity 29 Chapter 9