1. Recognizing Harmful Relationships

2. What kind of relationships would you call harmful?

3. 10 People Who Relate in Harmful Ways
The people pleaser
The enabler
The clinger
The fixer
The distancer
The controller
The center
The abuser
The liar
The promise breaker

4. The People Pleaser
A person who constantly seeks the approval of others
Will do almost anything to be liked
Doesn’t mind being walked all over
Lacks self confidence
The people pleaser sabotages the chance to have healthful relationships because he or she does not demand respect from others.

5. The Enabler A person who supports the harmful behavior of others
May deny another’s harmful behaviors
May make excuses for another
The enabler sabotages the chance to have healthful relationships when he or she does not expect other people to behave in responsible ways

6. The Clinger A person who is needy and dependent
Feels empty inside and needs another to feel complete
No amount of attention keeps the clinger fulfilled
Friends of the clinger may feel suffocated
The clinger sabotages the chance to have healthful relationships by not giving other people space

7. The Fixer A person who tries to fix other peoples problems
Quick to give advice
Avoids his/her own problems
Will come up with all sorts of solutions for another persons problems
The fixer sabotages the chance to have healthful relationships because healthy people do not want others to solve their problems.

8. The Distancer A person who is emotionally unavailable to others
May have been hurt in the past
Keeps people from getting too close
Avoids sharing feelings
Avoids getting hurt
The distancer sabotages the chance to have healthful relationships by not risking emotional involvement.

9. The Controller A person who is possessive, jealous, and domineering
Seeks power
May tell another what to do/what to wear
Does not like to share “objects of his/her affection”
May monopolize a boyfriend’s/girlfriend’s time
The controller sabotages the chance to have healthful relationships by not respecting the interests or opinions of others

10. The Center A person who is self-centered
“IT’S ALL ABOUT ME”
Talks your ear off about them
Only wants to do what he/she wants
Uninterested in your ideas
The center sabotages the chance to have healthful relationships by being so focused on being the center of attention that the needs of others are ignored

11. The Abuser A person who is abusive
May cause others harm
Physical, emotional or sexual
May go from one extreme to another
An abuser may miss the chance to have healthful relationships by threatening and harming others

12. The Liar A person who does not tell the truth
May pretend to be something he/she isn’t
The liar avoids the truth to manipulate others into the responses he or she wants
The liar sabotages the chance to have healthful relationships by lying to others to get the response he or she wants

13. The Promise Breaker A person who is not reliable
Makes plans then is a no show
Makes plans and changes them if something better comes along
The promise breaker sabotages the chance to have healthful relationships by not keeping his or her word

14. Why do people get into harmful relationships?
Take a few seconds and brainstorm with a partner
Two people might be involved in a harmful relationship together because:
1) each one of them allows the other to play out a specific profile of harmful behavior
2) other people who expect healthful behavior avoid relationships with them.

15. How Harmful Relationships effect Health Status

16. Changing Harmful Relationships
Evaluate each of your relationships on a regular basis.
Recognize when you must end a harmful relationship rather than work to change it.
Identify changes in behavior that must occur in any existing harmful relationship if you are to continue with the relationship.
Talk to a parent, guardian, or other trusted adult about the changes you expect in the relationship.
Have a frank discussion with the other person in the relationship in which you share your concerns and expectations.
Set a future date when you will evaluate the relationship again.

17. Review What defines a relationship as harmful?
What is the difference between a clinger and a people pleaser?
How do a fixer and a center differ?
How do promise breakers sabotage the chance to have healthful relationships?
What steps might you take to end or change a harmful relationship?