1. First Peer Review of Senior Year. Huzzah! College Application Essay Workshop

2. Next Step Make sure your name is on your essay. Make sure your prompt is the title (and you have a word count). Put the papers from your group into a stack. Take a yellow sticky and put your group number on it. Place the yellow sticky on the front of the stack of papers. Front Row (Left to Right/facing the board) 1, 2, 3 Middle Row (“) 4, 5, 6 Back Row (“) 7, 8, 9 Have one person from the group get pink, yellow, and green highlighters from the cabinet.

3. Switching Papers Take your group’s stack of papers and send it to the group sitting behind you. Back row, bring your stack to the front. Group 3 would go to Group 6. Group 6 would go to Group 9. Group 9 would go to Group 3. Now, send the new group of papers to the right, if you are facing the board. Group 1 would go to Group 2. Group 2 would go to Group 3. Group 3 would go to Group 1.

4. Labeling Write your name at the top of the essay you will be revising. Make a key at the top of the person’s paper using your highlighters: Green=Connection to the “big idea” (abstract words/ideas) Yellow=Telling (background, explaining) Pink=Showing (you can imagine yourself there) [concrete/vivid details]

5. Prompt and Essay Look at the prompt. Is it written at the top of the paper? If not, write a note asking them to do so. Read the entire essay. Pencils down. Do not comment on it yet, just read it. Does the essay answer every aspect of the prompt? Check the word count – Is the essay within the word count? If there is no word count, is the essay at least 3 paragraphs?

6. Anecdote Review Read the ANECDOTE again What sense do you get from the story (positive, negative)? Write your answer on the essay. Are you getting a sense of any “green” concepts? What are the “green” Big Idea words, you think the author is writing about? Write those words at the top of the essay. Are you IN the story, or is it just ABOUT a time? Write your initial thoughts on the essay. Could the author include dialog? USE COMPLETE SENTENCES.

7. Anecdote Review Do you feel like you are sitting with the person? Can you feel the sun on your face/hear the roar of the crowd? Highlight papers for showing vs. telling now Showing = using vivid details, staying in the moment Put a hashtag (#) next to areas where the author “told” instead of “showed”. EX for SHOW: “The sting shot pain all the way to my elbow, causing me to marvel at how much punishment a minuscule creature can inflict” (Kidd 167).

8. Anecdote Review Are the green words supported by the anecdote? Go back through the anecdote. Has the author CLEARLY SHOWN these green words? If not, write which green words need to be more clear. If so, give an example how the author showed the green word in the anecdote.

9. Anecdote Review Check for clichés “Quiet as a mouse” “bored to tears” “bright as the sun” Circle all clichés and write a different way to phrase it next to each Is it vague? You can easily answer this by looking at what you highlighted. If you highlighted more SHOWING than telling, then the story is probably clear. Do you get a clear picture of the story the writer is telling? If no, write a note at the end of their paper about this. If yes, write how they achieved this. Is it written in the appropriate register? Casual – includes “I”, but not slang.

10. Thesis Check Does the writer have an effective thesis statement? Circle the green word, in green. Circle the reference to the anecdote (implied or direct) in yellow. Circle the answer to the prompt in pink. If the thesis statement is missing, write that in the margins. Include how/where a thesis statement might fit.

11. Is it Connected to the Prompt? Look at the commentary: Highlight areas that connect the anecdote to the prompt (commentary/character). EX for Commentary/Character: “I’m prideful enough to say I didn’t complain. After you get stung, you can’t get unstung no matter how much you whine about it” (Kidd 167). Re-read the prompt Has the writer addressed what the prompt is asking for? If yes, write “fulfilled prompt” next to the prompt. If no, write “didn’t address the prompt” or “missing part of the question” next to the prompt. Circle any parts of the prompt that the writer has not addressed.

12. Tying Everything Together Underline everything that directly or indirectly refers to the green word (in green). Star everything that seems misplaced, off topic, or random. Include grammar, punctuation, or spelling mistakes. If you know the correction that needs to be made, write it next to the error. If you do not know the correction, just leave the star next to the error.

13. Cut the Fluff Read the paper again. Cross out anything that doesn’t add value to the essay (can be extra words, phrases, clauses, or whole sentences). Put an “X” next to anything that seems awkward. Cross out every example of “you” and “your” UNLESS it is part of dialogue in the anecdote. Remember the anecdote is supposed to be about “I”.

14. Wonderful/Things to Consider At the end of your partner’s paper, write TWO things that they did well. Be specific. Everyone does at least two things right in every essay. Write TWO things that they need to improve. Be specific. Offer suggestions to fix it. Always assume they made an error because they don’t know how to do it.

15. Put the papers back into a stack with the sticky note. Send one person from your group to return the stack of papers to the original group. Look at your own rough draft. Check out the notes and corrections. Do you have enough “pink” details? Is there a thesis statement? These are corrections that need to be made tonight!

16. For tomorrow You must turn in ALL of the following to be considered “complete” and “on- time.” Final draft with prompt as the title (with the word count). MLA format Turnitin.com receipt/confirmation # P1 = 10574406/anecdote P2 = 10574412/anecdote2 P3 = 10574419/anecdote3 P5 = 10574425/anecdote5 P6 = 10574435/anecdote6 The password is all lower case with no spaces. Work-shopped draft I will check to make sure changes were made. Original handwritten anecdote with notes.