1. Positive Communication: Defusing Challenging Situations
Presented by:
MCPS Employee Assistance Program

2. Outcomes Learn the STARR model for defusing challenging situations
Understand the physiological impact of stress
Know effective listening and speaking skills
Experience stress management techniques to
cope more effectively with conflict

3. Agenda Opening Understanding Conflict STARR Model
Active Listening Skills
Break
Speaking Skills
Closing

4. CONFLICT

5. What Do We Mean by Defusing?

6. Small Group Exercise How was conflict handled in your family?
How was conflict defused?

7. STARR Power STOP and breathe THINK through your options
ACT with positive communication
RESPECT yourself and the other person
REWARD take care of yourself

8. Stop
Take a Deep Breath

9. Think Before You Act Is this important ? Are you ready to listen ?
Are you labeling the person ?
How would you feel if you were
in the other person’s shoes ?

10. Act with Positive Communication
Active Listening Skills combine listening and talking skills so that the other person feels understood

11. LISTEN
SILENT

12. Pop Quiz
Most of us are distracted about _____% of the time we think we are listening.
Right after we listen to someone, we recall about ______% of what he or she has said.
Long-term we recall ____% of what we hear.
_____ % of our communication is conveyed non-verbally.
*International Listening Association

13. Answers Most of us are distracted about _75% of the
time we think we are listening.
Right after we listen to someone, we recall about _50% of what he or she has said.
Long-term, we recall 20% of what we hear.
70% of our communication is conveyed non-verbally
*International Listening Association

14. Listening Exercise

15. Active Listening Skills
Body Language
Door Openers
Paraphrasing
Reflecting
Summarizing

16. BREAK

17. How do you start the conversation ?
You know, the conversations you worry about and put off?

18. “I” Messages vs “You” Messages
I hear . . .
I feel
I assume . . .
I want . . .
I need . . .
I don’t understand
Do you mean . . .?
Why did you…?
You always or never . . .
Yea, but you . . .
It’s your fault!
How come you…?
You made me angry

19. Use “I” Messages I feel or think ___________________
when __________________________
because _________________________.
I feel frustrated when plans are made without checking with me because I may have something else I want to do.

20. “You” Statements 1. Why did you cut me off in the meeting?
2. You are always asking me do extra
projects and are making me fall behind.
3. You complain about every little thing I do and never seem satisfied with my work.
4. You make me so mad because you never
do anything around the house to help me.

21. Red Flag Why, but Problem, You have to You should have done X earlier,
Unfortunately, there is really
nothing I can do
What they told you was incorrect

22. The Top Ten Things to Say to Make an Angry Person Angrier
Calm down.
That's not my problem.
You're too sensitive.
Just shut up for a minute.
You’ve got to be kidding!
I just have to think of myself right now.
Don’t you think you’re overreacting?
You’re making a big deal out of nothing.
That’s what YOU think!
Like YOU’RE perfect!

23. Stick to the Facts Focus on the issue Be specific about what you have
observed
Describe behaviors, not personal
characteristics

24. Green Flag “Is this a good time for you?” What, how Let’s, we
I am sorry/ I apologize…
Let me find someone who .

25. Respect Yourself and the Other Person

26. Reward!
Yourself . . .

27. DEEP BREATHING

28. Stress Squares Color Key`
More Relaxed
Less Relaxed

29. MCPS EAP Assessment, short term counseling, and referral
Confidentiality/records
Other services: workshops, crisis
response
Access point for mediation

30. Alternative Dispute Resolution
Mediation as an option
CRCMC
MCPS Dispute Resolution
Program

31. Thanks for coming! For more information about the EAP, contact us at or visit our website at

32. Biodot Color Key
More Relaxed
Less Relaxed